Coming across Feist’s Pleasure Studies questionnaire gave me an opportunity to do 2 things I feel like I should be do more of but find hard to motivate myself to do without some prodding: Write more and self-reflect in a structured, ordered manner.
Thanks, A, for introducing me to this. Here we go.
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Who do you trust most and why?
My husband. We both go about our existence on similar wavelengths, and even where there are times we are not, I can trust him to be empathetic, sensitive, and present.
What are 5 words to describe the way you experience sadness?
all-encompassing, isolating, but I welcome it.
Do you feel you know more or less than you did 10 years ago? How so?
I am the same person I’ve always been and will never change, the difference now is I know it. I am comfortable in my own skin. It bothered me in the past that I’m not naturally gregarious or forthright and chatty and didn’t like going to social outings much. I worried a lot about whether people thought I was a snob or not bright. But now, I embrace my general taciturnity and if I don’t say much, that’s fine. I pride myself in being a really good listener and like being able to have time to take in and digest what’s going on.
What makes you feel tenderness?
Little things, all day, every day. Because why do anything otherwise?
e.g., lightening bugs, book dedications, Edward Hopper, little rodent hands, chimney smoke, the swirls in your coffee when you first add cream, how sunflowers turn to face the sun all day, when you pass a family and you just happen to hear one of the parents call a kid by a very personal and specific pet name, overhearing a neighbor practicing an instrument off in the distance (especially if they are a beginner), finch beaks, a surprise postcard from afar, etc.
When you’re not feeling well, do you tend towards isolation or socializing? Or, what are your tendencies?
Do you feel your memory is accurate, and if not, describe the direction it leans.
I…yeeeesss, I think? What does it mean for one’s memory to be “accurate?” Isn’t it all subjective after the fact? (e.g. Rashomon) But if we are talking about people’s name and phone numbers and such, then yes.
Do you have a private ritual or superstition?
Other than having my 3 cups of coffee every day, not really. I tend to bristle at having to abide by any sort of set rules or rituals, even if I’m the one setting them.
Do you have any secrets that actually don’t need to be secrets anymore?
Describe a beautiful memory that has never happened to you.
Once while out with friends drinking at a familiar bar, Crowded House’s “Don’t Dream It’s Over” came on. As the song usual does when it comes on randomly, it immediately brought him back to his first kiss in the back of his dad’s super 80′s Chevy Caprice with its miles-long bench seat with slick yet somehow at the same tie sticky burgundy vinyl interior and old metal GM seat belt buckles that would give you 2nd degrees burns if you weren’t careful on a sunny, summer day. While he took that quick second to take in that sense memory, his eyes met another guy’s at nearby table. That guy had also been with other people and the song had triggered something in him as well. Perhaps he, too, had a emotional milestone connected with the dreamy opening chords of this song. (Had he been in a back of a Pontiac Grand Prix perhaps?) Or maybe he just fucking liked this song, it was a top 40 hit after all. Either way, their eyes met for that millisecond and in that blink of an eye it was communicated, “Yes. Yes. This song, yes.”
What are 10 words to describe the way you experience joy?
It’s never pure or unadulterated and mostly achieved through Mozart.
Do you experience the most pressure from outside or inside yourself?
It’s all inside at this point.
Describe a lonely day in one sentence.
Nothing is lonelier than going to see a symphony or watching a sunset with someone who is clearly not having the same experience you are; I’d much rather be by myself.
What do you hope will be a description of you in 25 years?
What are 10 words to describe the person you love most?
Generous, empathetic, curious, open-minded, self-motivated, adventurous, warm, affectionate, thoughtful, forgiving
What are 10 words to describe the person who loves you most?
I believe that the aforementioned person and this person are the same person. I’d like to think so anyway.
