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They kept telling me to "write what you know". Well, if I don't know myself then what the hell should else should I write about...?

[syn-zero]

Progress Report, 1

Hard to believe that, not only is it February already, the month is half over. It seems like I’ve barely had a chance to stop and catch my breath after my vacation ended, with so many things going on at work and in life in general. March is shaping up to be a busy month with practically every weekend already booked well in advance.

Every year I set up a number of goals and resolutions to help guide and dictate the things I do with my life. Some big things, some small things. Mostly small things, to be honest... Those are the goals I tend to actually achieve from year to year, and seeing those little checked boxes does make me a little happier I suppose.

But it’s the larger resolutions I need to start keeping better tabs on. It’s all well and good to read a bunch of books or clear out some of my massive backlog of video games, but what does that matter if I never get around to getting a driver’s license so I can possibly look for a better job or apartment outside the City? Sometimes I need to sit back and think about the direction and perspective of my life in general and ask myself if these are the things I really want or if I just keep telling myself that I want them.

There’s just never enough time in the day.

[syn-zero]

Words on a Screen

I’ve been writing more lately after having an output of practically nothing in 2015. It’s been light, a few hundred words here and there, but it’s certainly something. The best part is that I feel good about it, I feel good about getting those words into Scrivener (my writing program of choice, and a highly recommended tool if you’re looking to keep all your project files in one place!).

You could say me sitting here typing up this blog post is also good. It’s been quite a while since I’ve sat down to get my thoughts out of my head. Having someone to talk to helps in that respect, especially someone who is on the same emotional and mental wavelength. I’ve never needed a journal less than I have these past few years because of that - and that’s a good thing I believe.

The more I push myself to write, the more I want to write for myself without anyone telling me to just do it. I’ve always been that way, someone who hates being told what to do even though it’s for my own good. I like to feel like I made the choice myself, you know?

Look at this post, already three paragraphs long. Now let’s see if I can’t go back to my fictional stuff and do the same for today.

[syn-zero]

Welcome, 2016

It’s a new year, but I’m not going to repeat the “New Me” mantra.

No, I’m still the same person, just trying to get a little better than I was yesterday. It’s a difficult task.

But starting the year off with an awesome Hawaiian vacation surrounded by family certainly helps. Mahalo to that.

[syn-zero]

Dystopia

It’s no secret that I have a growing dislike for San Francisco. I’m definitely one of those “stereotypical” SF natives - the born and raised kind, not the so-called “natives” that moved here right before the recent tech boom - that yearn for the lost days when the City was a haven for Bohemians and culture, when neighborhoods were colorful and vibrant and raw, when rents were affordable and the only outsiders you had to worry about were the tourists piling in during the cold summer days.

These days every time I read another article about the housing crunch, the incoming flux of techies and start-ups and new wealth flowing into the City I can’t help but wonder what I’m still doing here. There was a reason why I left this City back in 2004, and again in 2013.

But don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT against change. Far from it! While I embrace change, especially personal growth and evolution, the kind of changes I’ve seen in the City this past decade have altered it from the romantic, artistic City everyone used to envision to one that is colorless, soulless, and so focused on money and image and power that it has become everything we San Franciscans fought against for years.

Seriously, it’s like San Francisco is becoming the twisted dystopian City of my freaking novel.

I can’t imagine myself staying here permanently forever among the kinds of people that now march down the streets I grew up on. There’s no sense of community or neighborly respect. Even in my own building half the time whenever I at least say “Hi” to someone they pretty much ignore me and act like I’m not even there. What kind of attitude is that to have with your goddamn neighbors? I mean, come on.

It’s becoming increasingly more difficult to simply take a breath and try to think on the bright side when it comes to San Francisco. Sure, we’ve been getting plenty of heat and sunshine lately, but even that is a signal for very real (climate) change here in the City. And no sir, I don’t like it.

[syn-zero]

Reunion

Heh, it’s been about two years to the day since I last used this blog for writing about myself. It’s funny in a way, mainly because back in high school I would blog like, four times a day... literally. Sometimes I look back at my old Live Journal and wonder how the hell I just had so much to say. And who the hell bothered to read all that?

A lot’s changed these past two years, that’s for sure, and the time has gone by incredibly fast now that I’m taking the time to sit back and reflect on it. Oddly enough, with all the changes I can’t help but feel like a lot of things have come full circle in a way.

Take my job for example: I’m still with the same company I joined back in 2008 when I graduated from college, but I’m in a new position with new responsibilities and new (better) rewards in a new store with a fresh crew. Heck, even that’s begun to change with all of the recent turnover and problems with hiring in the City, but that’s a story for another post.

There’s also a new significant other in my life who is someone I’ve actually known since those bygone high school days, someone who I can easily see spending the rest of my life with. Back then when I was young and stupid I hardly talked to her, and even if I had she probably would’ve turned away in disgust, haha... But nowadays I can’t imagine how these last two years would’ve gone if it weren’t for her. I’d probably be somewhere else, doing something else, slightly less happy with the course of my life. Who knows? Who cares.

Even my hobbies have come back from the past. One of the things my girlfriend and I really love is Magic: The Gathering, a trading card game that dates back to the 90′s. I used to dabble in it back when I was in middle school since there was a card store right up the hill from my school, but because it was right before the dawn of Pokemon and the game was too complicated for what few friends I had at the time I never kept it up. Last year at PAX Prime however my girlfriend and I became reacquainted with Magic thanks to a bunch of free promo decks, and from there we’ve been buying new sets and packs and each have a fairly large collection of cards.

There’s a lot more I could be doing. I could be a lot farther along than this after two years of progress and hard work. I could push myself more to do all the things I want to do.

But you know what? I’m not in any hurry. I’ve still got an entire lifetime ahead of me. I used to think turning 30 was going to be the middle of the road, or even closer to the end of it, but I’ve got to keep reminding myself that there’s time enough for everything. And I’m happy right now, which is a very different feeling than I had back before I decided to leave for Taiwan.

What I really need to do is stop and smell the flowers every now and then. That’s been the hardest thing to learn.

[syn-zero]

Ideas

I've got all the ideas in my head. Now I need an extraction device.

Waking up at 4AM on a consistent basis has made me a little insane, methinks.

[syn-zero]

Happy Birdday...?

Tumblr sent me an e-mail saying this blog is now two-years-old.

Funny, considering I think I just started actually USING it this year.

[syn-zero]

Back to the Mines ... to Look for Gold

First day of work in over six months. Sure, I could moan about how I don't have some flashy new job and I'm right back where I was when I left, but at the same time I'm so thankful for not having to SEARCH for a job anymore. In this economy -- and in this City -- it's hard enough finding a decent job without either an outlandish amount of previous experience (for what usually is an entry-level position) or hook-ups. Not only that, but it's depressing as hell to spend like, hours of your time writing up cover letters and scouring ads only to get near silence for a reply.

No, I'm looking at it the way a friend put it to me the other day:

"So essentially, you took a six-month vacation, came back, and got a raise."

Not only that, but instead of being on the border of a shitty, dangerous neighborhood I'll be in a nicer, upscale part of the City with plenty of awesome places to eat and shop at.

The best part? I won't have to sit here and watch my bank account continually sink like the Titanic. Because it was getting pretty dismal there for awhile.

Time to start getting used to being up before the sun.

[syn-zero]

Commercial Break

I know it's been like two weeks since I got back, and this is gonna seem pretty lame, but...

I like how I'm starting to focus on the likes more than the dislikes when it comes to this City, because the dislikes are what drove me away from here for the past five months. It's a matter of reminding myself daily that I don't have time to keep focusing on the people, places, and things that irritate me -- just ignore it. Writing this book has been therapy enough for that.

That being said, when I get back from EVO next month I really, really need to get a job.

[syn-zero]

Sup, America

Oh hey, so I'm back in America, back in San Francisco.

Those last few weeks sure went by in a flash, though towards the end killing time everyday felt like one long chore.

There are always good and bad things about returning home from a lengthy trip away, at least that's what I'm telling myself despite this being only the second time I've done such a thing (first time being coming back from college).

Everything here in SF feels pretty much just the way it was when I left, the only exception being some of the buildings that were under construction are now taller, if not completed. You can take that either way, but I was hoping for more of a change. I was hoping for something about this city to at least feel different.

The nice thing is that my friends haven't changed. The night I got back from the airport we took a trip to In-N-Out for burgers, and as soon as I hopped in the car with them we picked up right where we left off in February. I'm glad for that. My friends are one of the few things in SF I actually missed, and to see them again after so many months made me happier than I've been in quite some time.

I already miss Taipei and my life in Taiwan though. Safe to say I got comfortable there pretty quickly, and despite being a hermit most of the time I enjoyed the atmosphere and the easygoing nature of the people. I would definitely like to go back - for a vacation or to live - though I'd need to take care of things here in SF first. So many variables to consider, especially now, but I don't want to let all that weigh me down so quickly ... hell, it's bad enough I've got to deal with the jet lag.

Still, this time it's going to be different. I've come back with a positive attitude and a better outlook on life. Maybe it's come with age, but I've told myself there's no more time to be cynical or angry at stupid things that simply aren't worth it. There's too few hours in the day to spend on being dumb.

[syn-zero]

In case no one noticed it yet, Flickr updated their UI recently. It's a lot smoother and more conductive for browsing photography. Oh, and they now offer a full TB of space, so you can upload larger/RAW images and no longer have to worry about the 200-photo limit.

Kinda glad I didn't jump the gun and sign up for Flickr Pro right away.

At some point I'll catch up with my uploads for this trip, but if you want to get a glimpse of Taiwan, check out what I've got at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/syn_zero/

[syn-zero]

Step 1: Set as daily alarm. Step 2: Wake up. Step 3: Make coffee. Step 4: Feel fucking amazing.

First thing I'm doing when I get back to San Francisco in a few weeks is catch these guys live - not once, but twice! June 8th at the Brick & Mortar and June 9th at Rickshaw Stop. Gonna be quite the homecoming.

[syn-zero]

COUGHHACKSNORT

Of course, I would get sick right after that last entry. The last week and a half I felt freakin' awful, with a complete lack of energy and enough crap in my nose and throat I could hardly breathe.

Despite the setback I forced myself to get out of the apartment all weekend, taking Saturday as a day to myself and going to see a temple over on the far west side of Taipei. On Sunday a few classmates and I caught a train out to Keelung, a smaller city on the northeastern coast of Taiwan. Even though it was pouring rain the entire time - as it's done for most of my time here - we managed to have a nice time wandering around, seeing a few sights and grabbing some local food for lunch.

It's only in the last month I realize how much more there is to see in this country, and I'm sorry I don't have the time (and mostly the resources) to explore it further. Perhaps later down the line.

If anything I'm fired up for getting back home to San Francisco. There are some projects I want to start, and others I want to finish (like self-publishing that book I ought to be working on right now...). And the things I left unfinished, like recording and mixing songs for my band. I hope we're not too rusty to record when I get back, haha...

[syn-zero]

山

Climbed a motherfuckin' mountain yesterday. In 80-degree weather and staggering humidity. And it felt pretty fuckin' rad.

Until I came home and realized I came down with a cold of all things. And now I feel like crap and just want to lay in my bed for the next few days.

PS: I saw a spider the size of my cell phone. I kid you not.

[syn-zero]

Six Quick Blurbs

1. Only six weeks left until my flight back to San Francisco. I spent the better part of April being homesick and making a bunch of lists of things I want to do when I get back, but now that I realize how short a time I have left here in Taipei I want to try and make the most of it.

2. My novel's jumped to about 67,000 words, but I feel like there's still so much left to write. It'll probably be closer to 85,000-90,000 before I finish a first draft of it... maybe even 100,000.

3. 我要試說也寫多中文。

4. I signed up for Eve Online, a space-themed sandbox MMO this past week. I figure I spend so much time on the computer browsing the same sites over and over that I might as well make use of the time by mining digital asteroids and forcing myself to do other things while that's going on. (It's a lot more fun and motivating than it sounds!)

5. The other day I found a supermarket a block away from my apartment down an alley I hadn't traversed before. Like a chump I've been buying groceries near my school and lugging them home for the past two months. Nice to know now I can easily stock up whenever I need to ... even though I'm only here another month.

6. I'm really going to miss my classmates. They're pretty cool people.

[syn-zero]

Mo Money, Mo Problems

It's come to my attention recently that the funds I allocated for this trip are getting dangerously low when taking into consideration that I still have to pay rent for May and - for some reason - June. To clarify, my flight back to San Francisco leaves on June 7th, yet my lease is in effect until June 30th, which means I'm going to have to fork over an entire month's rent despite staying a week. Needless to say, not the most efficient course.

I came to Taiwan with exactly $5000 USD, figuring it was more than enough to pay for everything for what was roughly three whole months and change, but it's shocking how fast that goes. Tuition for classes (including a culture class in which I had to buy my own instrument), apartment rent, transportation costs, and food... all of the usual things you'd expect to spend money on. Still, back in San Francisco I somehow think that same amount of money would last a lot longer.

Good thing I decided against buying a DS or a bunch of overpriced English books. Still, that means I won't have much to pick up some souvenirs for myself. Though I guess I can live with that.

At this point in time I think I'll be content to return to San Francisco and look for a job in July in order to rebuild my funds. While I'd like to continue living in Taipei and studying Chinese it strikes me just how expensive it is to live in this city, and my bank account certainly can't handle the strain of paying for my life both here and in California. If I come back here, especially for a longer amount of time, I'll definitely need some form of income, a cheaper apartment with a kitchen, and some way to NOT have to worry about paying living costs when I'm not even living in the country.

Sounds like a sweet deal, right? If only it were so easy.

[syn-zero]

Smoke Break

Not much of an update, but I had my first cigarette in Taiwan earlier today. Something about the constant rain, rereading Norwegian Wood, and the isolation I've been feeling lately caused me to feel like it was a good idea. And it totally was.

In Taiwan it seems like everyone smokes, and aside from most restaurants and public spaces you can smoke wherever you want, including in apartments and bars. Unlike California, which has been trying its best to get everyone to quit, it's difficult to find places in Taipei where smoking isn't allowed. It's probably why I haven't felt a need to do so up until now.

Don't get me wrong, it's not a huge habit of mine. When asked if I smoke, my default reply is along the lines of "One or two a week at most", but for the past six months it's been more like "One or two a month at most". It's just... sometimes it helps, much like any vice. The trick is knowing the right moments to indulge yourself a little without worrying about going over the edge. It's all about self-control.

This way, I also don't have to worry about running out of American Spirits and resorting to buying crappy (albeit cheaper) Taiwanese alternatives, so it's win-win.