syscourse spillway

an ill-advised venture into The 'Course, by a DID system

[syscourse-spillway]

intro

we dont want syscourse on our main blog, so here we are. We are an adult-bodied RAMCOA survivor and DID system and that's basically all the personal info you'll get from us.

this system collectively considers itself to be primarily anti-misinformation and pro-recovery rather than pro- or anti-endo. that said, long years of experience in the plural community have led us to view endos and their supporters with distrust, because these identifiers have often proven to coincide with other, more problematic behaviors and beliefs. so if this is you, proceed with caution here because you're already on thin ice.

Standard DNI applies (no racism, homophobia, ableism, TERFs, etc etc etc).

Additionally, DNI if:

- you use the words "sysmed" or "traumascum" unironically or think it's okay to do so

- you disrespect trauma survivors in any other ways (e.g. minimizing the impact of trauma, denying the link between trauma and dissociative disorders, intentionally triggering people, misusing trigger/content warnings, abuse/neglect apologetics, etc))

- you're "transRAMCOA" or support it (no radqueers in general, but especially not you fuckos)

- you fakeclaim or are a participating member of the fakeclaiming/"cringe" subreddits (you know the ones)

- you appropriate the word "tulpa" or make excuses for those who do

- more to be added as needed.

Violators will be mocked and/or blocked, depending on who's front when we see it.

as always, please remember to check in with yourselves and make sure everything is okay on the home front before participating in syscourse. it's not worth sacrificing your mental health. take breaks. get a hobby. etc.

alters may tag themselves by emoji, but we will otherwise be remaining anonymous.

[subsystems]

"This policing of illnesses online often verges on bullying, and can have serious ramifications for both posers and people with real-life conditions. It creates a 'boy who cried wolf' culture around health on social media, which subjects actual sufferers to skepticism and condemnation. . . . Feldman calls actual sufferers 'the real casualties of deception — because they are there legitimately seeking help. When the skepticism ends up undermining their efforts to get it, that's just deeply unfortunate.'"

Harriet Shepherd (2021) on the witch-hunting of people who fake disorders/illnesses. [Source]

[frogsforthefrogwar]

the cultural boogeyman of the faker is such a convenient lie for ableism. Waste your time fighting about who does and does not deserve help, and maybe you wont realizes that there was never any help to begin with. The is no epidemic of malingerers taking up resources they don't need, there is a lack of resources for disabled people

[syscourse-spillway]

Really gotta wonder sometimes about those systems posting anti-endo stuff way more often than any other system-related stuff. Just... you okay there, homie? Are you sure this isn't you distracting yourself from your own issues, your own work? Why are we so concerned about somebody else's (also in denial, also avoiding) bullshit, bestie?

Syscourse stance unlocked: Everyone Shut The Fuck Up You're All Annoying

[syscourse-spillway]

We straight up don't understand systems who feel avoidant about finding more alters or remembering more trauma. Not trying to judge, just... honestly don't understand what factor makes us embrace what others avoid, and I thought maybe writing about it would help illuminate that somehow.

From our perspective, it all already happened and it all already impacts us daily. So, the worst thing I could do would be to avoid what's already there. This is especially true as a programmed system--the longer we take to embrace new information about our past, the longer that programming can run amok unchallenged. And that's so, so untenably dangerous when our programming includes stuff like self-destruct protocols. Plus, there's at least a little bit of spite going on--every day we embrace each other is a day we stole from the clutches of the perps, who wanted us to die early, alone and ashamed, all their secrets buried with us. And fuck that, I want to live and be free.

Maybe a lot of it comes down to our contact situation. We're no contact with all our perps (including the ones that were "family"), and a solid chunk of them are dead. But I think that factor can't be all of it. It's not our age, either--plenty of systems older than us who still struggle with the avoidance. We have a pretty good coping skills toolkit and two good support people, but I don't think that's all of why, either. So... what is it, then? And if we figure that out, is it something we could share with other systems to help them heal more effectively? Dunno, just pondering about it.

[sysciety]

Support is a big factor that impacts healing and a lot of people in general just don’t have the right people or resources for that. So for many people it can come down to either not knowing vs finding out, not having any way of processing it, and overall feeling worse

Like the reason someone might not remember is to not impede daily living as much and I think that holds true that uncovering things with no way to deal with it will impact daily living

I’m assuming your perspective is probably based in online spaces which yeah a lot of systems don’t have access to support which probably influences their perspective

[disghostiation]

What Sysciety said.

My grandmother was abusive towards my mom and my mom considered her behavior "crazy". I spent a double digit number of years unable to admit my suspicion of having DID to myself because when I was growing up my mom would start screaming if anyone even jokingly said she was acting "crazy" when her behavior was erratic.

So from a very young age I was taught that "crazy" was some kind of horrible unspeakable thing. All I knew about DID was through cultural osmosis and that told me that DID belonged firmly in the "crazy" category which meant I could never ever speak of it.

Who was I going to ask for help?

I'm in my late 30s. Even later in the 00s and beyond when discussing problems like depression (which my mom also suffered from) became more acceptable to talk about thanks to awareness campaigns something like DID was absolutely still untouchable.

A lot of us had no spaces for support growing up and DID wasn't something commonly spoken of to begin with. I didn't even start having flashbacks to childhood trauma until my late 20s and it greatly decreased my quality of life when that started.

Even though therapy has helped a lot and I'm getting used to communicating with my parts it's a struggle. Every part of me was afraid of being found out and afraid of how I would react I've spent years learning how to prove I can be trusted and that I want to support them.

[syscourse-spillway]

Really appreciating all these responses. Sorry everyone's situation has been so rough.

I think another factor for us and our mindset is getting lucky with the timing of our syscovery. We'd done about a decade of building up coping skills and processing our non-RAMCOA home life trauma before touching any of the truly horrifying and destabilizing stuff in our history. We have gatekeepers and archivists who did a lot of hard work to make sure things came to us in a manageable order. We had to build the support network anew and from scratch after the RAMCOA bomb dropped, but we also had a few big advantages others seem to be lacking.

[syscourse-spillway]

We straight up don't understand systems who feel avoidant about finding more alters or remembering more trauma. Not trying to judge, just... honestly don't understand what factor makes us embrace what others avoid, and I thought maybe writing about it would help illuminate that somehow.

From our perspective, it all already happened and it all already impacts us daily. So, the worst thing I could do would be to avoid what's already there. This is especially true as a programmed system--the longer we take to embrace new information about our past, the longer that programming can run amok unchallenged. And that's so, so untenably dangerous when our programming includes stuff like self-destruct protocols. Plus, there's at least a little bit of spite going on--every day we embrace each other is a day we stole from the clutches of the perps, who wanted us to die early, alone and ashamed, all their secrets buried with us. And fuck that, I want to live and be free.

Maybe a lot of it comes down to our contact situation. We're no contact with all our perps (including the ones that were "family"), and a solid chunk of them are dead. But I think that factor can't be all of it. It's not our age, either--plenty of systems older than us who still struggle with the avoidance. We have a pretty good coping skills toolkit and two good support people, but I don't think that's all of why, either. So... what is it, then? And if we figure that out, is it something we could share with other systems to help them heal more effectively? Dunno, just pondering about it.

[oopsallsyscourse]

I think it is for the reasons you said (aside from age). We're pretty avoidant of trying to fully unpack our old trauma as we're not in the best place in life. Trying to work through everything as things currently stands only gives further splits and panics. Eventually we're going to have to deal with it but right now it's not a good time.

[syscourse-spillway]

Yeah, makes sense. I imagine how syscovery would have gone if we'd realized earlier in life when we had less coping tools etc, and... it probably would have gone a lot different.

[syscourse-spillway]

We straight up don't understand systems who feel avoidant about finding more alters or remembering more trauma. Not trying to judge, just... honestly don't understand what factor makes us embrace what others avoid, and I thought maybe writing about it would help illuminate that somehow.

From our perspective, it all already happened and it all already impacts us daily. So, the worst thing I could do would be to avoid what's already there. This is especially true as a programmed system--the longer we take to embrace new information about our past, the longer that programming can run amok unchallenged. And that's so, so untenably dangerous when our programming includes stuff like self-destruct protocols. Plus, there's at least a little bit of spite going on--every day we embrace each other is a day we stole from the clutches of the perps, who wanted us to die early, alone and ashamed, all their secrets buried with us. And fuck that, I want to live and be free.

Maybe a lot of it comes down to our contact situation. We're no contact with all our perps (including the ones that were "family"), and a solid chunk of them are dead. But I think that factor can't be all of it. It's not our age, either--plenty of systems older than us who still struggle with the avoidance. We have a pretty good coping skills toolkit and two good support people, but I don't think that's all of why, either. So... what is it, then? And if we figure that out, is it something we could share with other systems to help them heal more effectively? Dunno, just pondering about it.

[doggboyy]

Reminder that you can't say you support ''transramcoa'' people AND say that you don't support abuse and torture. Being 'transramcoa' is calling ramcoa desirable, that's the whole point of the fucking term. Calling ramcoa something you WANT to go through is supporting abusers. You are aiding people who torture children. There's no way to sugarcoat it, that is what you're doing. You're putting down survivors and supporting their abusers. You're treating ramcoa like a flashy identity. You're acting like it's something fun to put on your account to stand out, and not a form of abuse. You're treating child rape and torture like a queer identity. There's nothing else to it. That's what you're doing. You're calling it a term for inclusivity, and something adaptable. Not a term used to explain abuse. Seriously, get offline. This shit is rotting your brain

[syscourse-spillway]

Dear "transRAMCOA" freaks and their supporters:

Our experiences aren't yours to claim. Claiming experiences that don't belong to you trivializes the suffering of actual survivors. If you actually understood what this was, you wouldn't want it. You wouldn't have lasted a day in our shoes. Shame on you for participating in this. Go get a real hobby and get the fuck out of my tags.

Also, you now owe $500 to every survivor who's had to witness your bullshit. Pay up or die <3

[syscourse-spillway]

"Sometimes alters need to be jailed for our own protection, uwu! Especially in RAMCOA systems!"

Speaking as a RAMCOA system ourselves: No they don't. No they fucking do not. And, if anything, you should be jailed for even fucking suggesting that. What the ever loving fuck is wrong with you? How the fuck do you think recovery is going to happen if you're perpetuating horrors like fucking incarceration on each other? Does that sound like something recovery-oriented, or does it sound like the way the abusers and the perps would fucking do it? Do you think you can get better by doing things the same way they did?

There is always another way. Always. Speaking to your alters, having patience, compassion, talking it out, trying to come to an understanding. If someone is acting out, what is jailing someone going to do except make the rift between you bigger, make the misunderstandings harder to overcome, reenact the fucking trauma?

If someone is at imminent risk of harming the body or someone else, then like... fine, get someone else up front with them who can be a protector and keep them from doing anything too severe. But for fuck's sake, I never ever ever want to see someone giving advice to others, speaking as if they know one single goddamn thing, and suggesting that absolutely heinous shit.

Do not jail your alters. You are only making things worse in the long run. And fuck you for suggesting others do it, too. You absolute sicko.

[syscourse-spillway]

I don't think we realized how badly even just lurking syscourse was increasing our problems with denial until we took a month or so completely away from it and focused on our healing.

consider this y'all's reminder to take a break from this shit every once in a while. it's not a healthy thing to fixate on.

[constellationofus-deactivated20]

Something just... kinda dawned on me. A lot of people, especially younger people, who heavily engage in discourse online in a bad-faith way or who are seemingly disproportionately angry about things are just. Trying to survive life.

What I mean by that isn't that certain behaviors should be tolerated by other people, especially when they're actively harmful. But a lot of folks (again, especially younger) are still trying to form their worldviews and choose the "right" things to take a stance over. And a huge part of how they go about it is impacted by a lot of them (at least in mental health spaces) having trauma, and they're trying their damnedest to feel like they can control something in their life.

I was having a conversation this evening that reminded me how when I was in my late teens to early 20s I was really in some tough spots. And this post has nothing to do with the person I was talking to, it just made me remember what being that age was like. It was stressful. As fuck.

So while I won't put up with harmful behaviors from anyone, regardless of age of circumstance, I think it's beneficial to recognize that once again people are just people. The vast majority of them aren't "evil," (if anyone really is; being a person is messy, complicated, and all that). But yeah most people are just going about their existence living ~rich inner lives~ we know little about and there are about a thousand factors we're not even privy to when we observe them.

If anything this is just a reminder for myself to find patience, compassion, and the fucking serenity to accept the things I can't change.

And to uh, remember that other people are also people.

[syscourse-spillway]

anti-endos, we need to talk.

you have got to stop fakeclaiming endos. yes, even if you don't give a rat's ass about endos and think they're all fakers anyway. even if you hate their guts.

because I promise you, every time you do this you are hurting traumagenic systems, too. every time you say a thing can't happen* and therefore someone is fake, a traumagenic system reads that post and says to themselves, "but I experience that, does that mean I am faking?" and they spiral.

doubt and denial are a core part of this condition. we all fakeclaim ourselves enough as it is. stop making it worse.

*this obviously doesn't apply to claims of things that are scientifically impossible, like system hopping. it's about claims that alters can't have a certain appearance in the innerworld, or can't do x thing, or claims about how systems or switches work that can't and haven't been proven.

[sys-horse]

I agree with all this and would like to add:

When something is scientifically impossible (for example system hopping), it's not enough to just say "syshopping is impossible" and leave it at that. That creates the same problem where traumagenic systems who think they're experiencing the impossible thing will read that post out of context and spiral into self-doubt.

It's important to, as well as mentioning that something is impossible, mention why people think they experience it even though it isn't possible. So, with the syshopping example, if you're saying that syshopping is impossible, it's a good idea to also mention how most examples of "syshopping" are actually introjecting an alter from another system rather than that alter entering your system, and that the idea is often used as a tool for manipulation to make systems think they experience syshopping.

[syscourse-spillway]

anti-endos, we need to talk.

you have got to stop fakeclaiming endos. yes, even if you don't give a rat's ass about endos and think they're all fakers anyway. even if you hate their guts.

because I promise you, every time you do this you are hurting traumagenic systems, too. every time you say a thing can't happen* and therefore someone is fake, a traumagenic system reads that post and says to themselves, "but I experience that, does that mean I am faking?" and they spiral.

doubt and denial are a core part of this condition. we all fakeclaim ourselves enough as it is. stop making it worse.

*this obviously doesn't apply to claims of things that are scientifically impossible, like system hopping. it's about claims that alters can't have a certain appearance in the innerworld, or can't do x thing, or claims about how systems or switches work that can't and haven't been proven.