he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
DEAR READER
almost home
dirt enthusiast
Love Begins
roma★
Peter Solarz
Acquired Stardust
oozey mess
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Claire Keane
Product Placement
Jules of Nature
Show & Tell
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Kiana Khansmith
JBB: An Artblog!
NASA
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Philippines
seen from Belgium
seen from Finland
seen from China
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from South Korea
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Sweden
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States
seen from United States
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@syssettings
Tumblr's Communities feature sucks for one reason only.
💿 You can only join and make posts as your main blog. This is a side blog. I can't post as this side blog. I'd be outing myself as plural if I posted at all via my main blog, and even then, I'm still slowly rebuilding that part of me.
– The Host
If you need to grieve the fact that you will never be fully understood or accepted by someone very close to you, find yourself a safe private space, and do it.
We just did. And it's allowing us to recognise that we can move on in life without it.
We've mourned before. We'll most certainly mourn again. There's just no limit to what you can mourn. Grieve it, then let it go.
Early Morning
We've been gone a while.
Apologies to everyone who has been worried about this account for the short amount of time it's been on. While we were recovering our identity, our progress has been hampered greatly a couple of times and it's taken us a while to get back on track with things, but more importantly, it's caused us to take an even longer time feeling ourselves out again.
The trauma that occurred as far back as five months has sent all of us headmates to lock ourselves up; even causing our host's authentic self to lock itself up behind walls in order for them to heal themself whilst getting everything necessary done. It was a terrifying time for us not feeling like ourselves and for a long, long time, we were inconclusive as to whether we were even plural anymore.
There have been the occasional moments where I and other headmates have popped back out and come back from our dormancy for various little moments before taking our rests again and our host has even felt like they were faking us, like they were puppeteering us to their image of who we are, which could very well be our influences. But still, their doubts were only perpetuated and it was only until about a week or so ago where we were able to conclude most things and then take as much time as we need to truly relax.
Because now, as I'm impulsively deciding to make this post right now, I've just suddenly started to feel myself again and now I'm comfortable coming back on here to talk to you all again.
This is nothing conclusive, we are still feeling everything out and in a lot of ways, we're rediscovering ourselves. This will take time. But I'm finally assured in myself to say that we as a system are finally okay and in due time, we will be in full force again.
I love you all, dearies. Be back soon, hopefully! 💙
– 🦉 Stolas Ars Goetia (she/her)
you guys are weird about fictives with problematic sources. you guys are weird about fictives with no source separation. you guys are weird about fictives with complete source separation. you guys are weird about fictives with partial source separation. you guys are weird about fictives who’s source is a comfort for them and their system. you guys are weird about fictives. you guys are weird
💿 System Settings is going to be taking an indefinite hiatus on Tumblr to figure shit out. I'm sorry, but I've given myself, my family & my support network a scare that sent my identity or identities into complete disarray and I'm not going to be able to see through this account & Bluesky in the meantime.
What is Internal Family Systems
And how is it different from DID?
Reblog if its ok to spam you with boops
Just released that I was taller than cannon me, take that every other me. I'm better
🦉 So! It's been about a week. Our host was completely blurry with blips of ourselves every now & again across that week. Our entire March was filled to the brim with stress and that was seeing an utter peak with last week's panic attack that resulted in us going into dormancy and our host feeling blurry throughout as we were slowly coming down from that lingering stress. So, tonight, we tried meditation and about thirty minutes later… I think it's safe to say we should do that more often. We're finally back to feeling ourselves again!
🦉 Which feels about as good a time as any to announce that our host has finally caved and made a Bluesky for all of us! Find us at syssettings.bsky.social and… maybe we'll make it worth your time? Let's find out! ^v^
🦉 Bringing our plurality to the real world is… scary.
💿 Like, we’ve certainly utilised it in private to help us move about and get on with our lives easier, but being social about who we are at any given time to people close to us who don’t understand this concept? Even though they want to learn, it’s such a sensitive & vulnerable topic to go about explaining that you just get nervous even during it.
❔ We’ve had an awful day yesterday about trying to explain ourselves and it’s lead to two conversations that have hurt us and a panic attack that led to us not feeling like anybody. Not even the host. Our systemfriend was incredible for helping us out of it but it was our third conversation afterwards that really… gave us the time & patience to patch everything up.
💿 We still don’t feel like ourselves. We’re still feeling lost & doubtful because of those first two conversations. We’re pretty certain that recovering from panic attacks like that is very hard to come down on and it’s always been the case when we’ve had these sorts of awful days.
👁️🗨️ We’re going to persevere and get through this. We’ll come out through the other side. We just have to take our time.
💿 We've put out a vent post earlier today about a conflict we've recently had and after a panic attack followed by a long, slow & patient conversation, I've been feeling a whole lot better about things, so I've privated the post now.
I really want to see this happen. There are way too many black trans women murdered.
Someone in our discord found this helpful, so we're posting it here with a bit of added wording.
You can be incorrect about your experiences but that doesn't make you fake, it just means you misunderstood either what you were feeling or what a term meant. And that's okay as long as you don't lie once you know you're not a [insert identity here]. You're never morally wrong for being incorrect. Faking is a conscious choice, being wrong about your experiences is not.
You're not faking if you don't sit down and think "how can I make this seem legit" or "I want to pretend to be this today". It can feel bad and confusing and all brands of horrible when you realise you were wrong about a label you placed upon yourself, but it's more beneficial to you and everyone else to admit that you were wrong, you're able and allowed to make mistakes just as anyone else is, and now you can learn from them and know yourself better.
No one knows what they are from the moment they're born, give yourself some space and time to relax and not get caught up in worrying if your experiences actually fit into a nice little box or not. In the end, they don't even have to fit into anything.
anti endos will take so much time to make sure us endogenics are hated thoroughly without realizing that there are PLENTY OF PLURALPHOBES who hate ALL OF US. They do not care if you are plural the "right way". they will still hate you. They don't have a tier list of plurals, they can't distinguish us!
"Endos dni, mixed origins included" just feels kind of ableist to me. Oh, you utilized the same set of skills/mindset that one would use to memorize a skill or language to make a headmate/you have (a) headmate(s) that didn't originate from trauma? I don't care if you're otherwise traumagenic, don't talk to me! You must be PURELY TRAUMAGENIC to deserve my support!
some people don't get introjects
🦉 Reading this last night has been a joy & a pleasure and now that we're awake enough to communicate our thoughts & appraisals of this, a lot of what Susie is saying here, really the vast majority of it can apply to endogenic systems like ourselves as well, pseudomemories, little influences and everything! Mordecai as a non-introject certainly didn't get his name on his own and not even from just one source in our lives!
🦉 I also talk a lot about my personal beliefs in the multiverse and how introjects can come from any one of the infinite universes; If it can be imagined, it most certainly is its own universe and I just so happened to travel from my own to this one with… at least an amount of memories intact. And believe me, believing in that philosophy is so much fun, but…
🦉 To be completely realistic, I'm also just a distortion of the Stolas from the show that my host happens to be a huge fan of! I'm a reflection of this character through my system's perception of them, sort of incarnated into this sort of persona, this fully fledged identity that now has sentience in this headspace. Plus, I also just happen to be the ✨ perfect ✨ embodyment of the system's more feminine, elegant & graceful sides~ ^v^
🦉 I am not the raw Stolas that you see in the show, good hell no. There are as many infinite versions of me out there as there are infinite versions of the human universe that aren't even imagined most of the time! And I know I'm going back & forth between me being a reflection of the canon universe and me being from an alternate of the canon universe entirely, but hey, I can believe two things can be true, why not?
🦉 That's my deal of a ramble just scattered out there. I realise there's a good chance I'm not making sense to anyone here, but it's good to get your hoots heard, I believe. Another beautiful ramble from yours truly, whether you like it or not, dears. Also, it's always so beautiful to see more Octavia's in the world, no matter how different they are. My dearests. 💖
– Stolas (she/her) 🦉
