being an animal that no longer exists is very under discussed, so here is my little spiel about various prehistoric therian thoughts
being a lifelong furry, i had always been around non-humans. there were bits and pieces that connected with me.. like oh i do enjoy being more animalistic in my mannerisms, i enjoy being nonverbal and more 'feral' in many contexts.. but i didnt quite understand feeling connected to being an animal to the point of feeling like you're trapped in a human body/however you personally describe yourself. but when i started learning more about extinct animals, it was like ohhhh.......
this will be a long read!
something that prevented me from identifying with being non-human is that my human traits did not map well onto any particular animal. i had toyed with being some sort of reptile for a while, but its like, well im not 'slow moving' whether in a physical or mental sense. im not particularly finicky about my environment like many reptiles are. im not asocial. how could i be a reptile when my traits seemed to be polar opposite of them? but at the same time, mammals never really connected with me either. im not a vicious hunter, im definitely not soft and cuddly to the touch, im not as physically agile.
dinosaurs seemed to fit the bill of exactly what i was missing from modern reptiles/mammals entirely. i will specifically be discussing parasaurolophus and other duck billed hadrosaurs, but a lot of this applies generally to dinosaurs as well. dinosaurs were reptilian, which is what i always generally felt closest too, but were also most likely warm-blooded. this allowed for more social bonds to develop. warm-blooded animals need to eat way more often, which is easiest to achieve in pairs or herds or pack settings. dinosaurs had increasingly large brain sizes as they approached the late cretaceous (final era before the mass extinction), meaning that parasaurs likely had very complex social structures. their large sizes also led to lower mobility, while not being completely slow-moving or as 'frozen' as many smaller and modern reptiles. i solved all of these issues of not finding any one animal that connected with me in one swoop..
i then had to reckon with the fact whatever i am meant to be is long lost in a time i can never fully perceive. i dont have an animal to read about or watch videos of and go, wow, that is exactly how i feel. i get fed in little wisps, assumptions, comparisons of modern to old species, comparisons of similar ancient species. i find that our current understanding of duckbill dinosaurs aligns perfectly with myself. i could not say for sure i am specifically a parasaurolophus, there were dozens to hundreds of duckbill species around, but as they were native to the area i was born & raised in, parasaurs feel like the best match for now.
ancient-modern comparisons comfort me, regardless of if i can verify their truth. duckbills were one of the most successful dinosaur families. they spread across almost the whole globe and are one of the most common type of dinosaur fossils. now, obviously, they are gone. thats how ive always felt navigating the world.. its like i am a Thing that is so unpalatable, so hard to comprehend to everyone around me, that no matter how familiar i make myself, everyone can see i am an imposter in some way or another. it is lovely to know there was a time when things like me were dominating & thriving.
the tragicness of the dinosaur's tale also speaks to my own life & experiences. i have experienced cruelty for no reason throughout my life, at the hands of things beyond my control. if that meteor never hit earth, humans would've never evolved, and the non-avian dinosaurs would've lasted at least a few dozen million years longer, if not until the present day. that slightest chance of disaster that ruined everything for no goddamn reason connects with me a greatly..
being a dinosaur also resonates with the "human-exclusive" traits i do have, like complex reasoning. it is very rewarding to have to put this puzzle together. i have done a lot of self-analysis in my life about what events made me the way i am, and now i can apply that to another part of myself. comparing the sites of different hadrosaur eggs to figure out if they were active in raising their young. examining the crests of different species to figure out if it was for making noise, or for mating, or for defense. searching for any evidence of skeletons or footprints found together to corroborate their hypothesized social nature..
applying those analysis to myself is even more fun.. parasaurolophus were believed to have the ability to make many social noises with their crests. as a person i enjoy learning languages and understanding the meta-context of social interactions. duck bills were herbivores with many flat teeth for grinding. i have always chewed most on the sides of my mouths and avoided using my canines & incisors entirely. parasaurs could walk on both 2 and 4 legs. ive always enjoyed a little bit of 4-legged action, but did not want to spend my time entirely doing that like my other animal friends seemed to..
i loove being a dinosaur. i have a parasaur wearable head and i enjoy wearing it so much.. i hit its crest on the wall a few days ago, and felt like a youthful parasaur who doesnt yet have spacial awareness for their crest.. i like to fall asleep imagining i am warm in an egg (my bed) and then i crack open & live various scenes of my life. i like to scratch myself against still objects like a large animal scratching itself upon a tree..
