My Tiny Secret | 06; First Meet
𝑴𝒚 𝑻𝒊𝒏𝒚 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆 | 06; First Meet
⏤𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔; Pretty face doesn’t make it up for an ugly personality. And Kim Seokjin is the perfect proof of that.
⏤𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: seokjin x reader
⏤𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: angst, smut
⏤𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: toxic relationship, mistress au, strong language
⏤> 𝒇𝒊𝒄 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒙
buy me a coffee?♡
You pace around the living room, something that you’ve been doing for a couple of minutes, knowing Seokjin is going to be here any second. Even though you agreed to his recent text, you’re still not sure about it. It’s only fair for him to properly meet his son.
You never tried to contact him and neither did he, until a few days ago after your visit to his office. For a moment you thought he changed his mind – about wanting to be in Yoojin’s life – since he didn’t text you for a few days. But now he’s coming over and you feel like you’re going to throw up from the nerves.
When was the last time you were this nervous?
Breaking news to Hoseok after you came from Seokjin’s company wasn’t the easiest thing. He could see your pale face as soon as you came home, which only led him to ask you a million questions. So you told him – everything. From that time he visited the hospital to see Yoojin to when he sent you money, which was the cause of your visit.
Hoseok, the good friend he is, didn’t get angry for you not telling him sooner. In a way, he understands you and your decision
Maybe it’s better for everyone that he’s working now, so he won’t be here when Seokjin finally comes. Although, you’d appreciate some presence different than Seokjin himself, but this is for the best. Hoseok isn’t very fond of him and the same thing goes for Seokjin. The last thing you need is for them to fight, you know they’d be capable of that.
And when you finally hear a firm knock on the front door, you think about hiding somewhere so you don’t have to face him, but that’s just ridiculous. You’ve to overcome this feeling, he’s going to be in your life from now on. But he’s not here for you, he’s here to meet his son.
“You came,” you breathe out a shaky breath, looking at the tall man in surprise when you see him.
He’s not wearing his usual suit, the only thing you’ve ever seen him to wear and for a second you think if it’s really him. He wears a jeans, freaking jeans, with black oversized hoodie covering his broad shoulders. If he notices your stare, he doesn’t seem to be phased by it as he brushes his long fingers through his dark hair.
“I told you I’d came, didn’t I?” he says with no particiular emotion or tone behind it, which doesn’t help your nerves at all.
“You did.” you almost whisper, grabbing the door knob tighter in your hold as he coughs looking straight at you.
Rather feeling awkward you feel a weird tension between you two. You can’t be the only one who feels uncomfortable right now. He surely has to feel it as well.
Right?
“Well, are you going to let me in or?” he asks dumbfounded and you blush in embarrassment at his blunt question.
“Yeah, sure.” you nervously choke out, opening the door wider for him as he brushes past you.
He takes off his-- wait are those sneakers?
You never knew he actually owns any sneakers. You always saw him wear those expensive boots. It’s just another reminder that you barely know him. Rather than be surprised by his choice of clothes, considering the cold weather which only means he came here by a car, you nervously start walking to the living room.
It’s not the first time he stands in Hoseok’s living room, eyeing the whole place, but it sure feels like it is. There is a slight difference than when he was here the first time, a bunch of baby toys laying on the couch or on the floor now which you forgot to put away. There are a new pacifiers still in original package laying on the coffee table. Luckily, you managed to put away the breast pump that was there just an hour ago.
“Sorry about the mess.” you murmur awkwardly, embarrassed by the slight mess that you forgot to clean.
It’s not like you didn’t plan to, you’ve just been so distracted by your nerves that you just didn’t care.
He doesn’t really feels bothered by it nor reacts to it. “Is he sleeping?” he asks instead, looking around some more and you wonder if he avoids your eyes or he just feels curious about the apartment you live in.
Knowing him, or at least the small part you got to know, he doesn’t feel shy and is overly confident with holding an eye contact. Something you lack of.
“Yeah, but he keeps waking up and goes back to sleep. He’s not used to any routine right now, he’s too small for that.” you explain, coughing right after as you lead him to your bedroom.
Of course he’s too small. He was born three weeks ago!
You don’t expect him to react or voice his thoughts, so you’re not surprised by the silence coming from him as he slowly follows you.
Slowly opening the door, you reveal your bedroom that Hoseok gave up, since it used to be his bedroom. He took guest room, the smaller room, saying you both need a bigger room. Another thing to make you feel guilt about.
It’s nothing special and not that much, just a room with king sized bed taking most of the space with Yoojin’s crib right beside it. There is a chest of drawers right on the opposite side of the bed. There is just one frame on it that might be considered as a decoration and that is photo of ultrasound you got when you were nine months pregnant. You both walk in while you can feel his presence right behind you, his cologne filling the room you sleep in.
He does the same thing he did in the living room and that is a curious around himself. He slowly takes the white frame from your chest of drawers, looking at ultrasound photo with puzzled look. It looks like he finally recognizes his son’s features and his eyes slightly widen in realization while the corner of his lips slightly lift upwards.
“I wanna have a copy of this photo.” he speaks up quietly, or more like mumbling under his breath.
Well, you could just ask nicely you--
You just nod, biting your tongue as you walk up to a crib where Yoojin’s sleeps. Since the space is very limited, Seokjin is forced to stay at the end of the bed while he curiously peeks behind you. Your lips curl in a weird shape, amused by him. Slowly and carefully, you take the small bundle of joy into your hands causing him to stir in your hold as he starts whimpering.
“Shhh, it’s okay.” you whisper to him, cooing at him as he opens his small eyes but closes them right after. He calms down and you point at door to Seokjin, he seems to be taken back by the baby in your arms but he quickly recovers, nodding.
The bedroom is too small, too small for you to be so close in his presence. Also, you both could get more comfortable on Hoseok’s plushy couch.
Once you step out of the bedroom and come back to the living room, Seokjin turns around and stares at Yoojin’s with doe eyes.
“So, this is him.” you mumble, looking down and smile right after you see him.
You don’t purposely look at Seokjin, your attention focused on your son but you can feel him stare as he slowly walks up to you. He’s so damn close that you can smell his cologne again, but this time his own warmth as well. You look up, finally finding that courage to let your eyes linger on his face. You find him looking at Yoojin with unrecognizable eyes before he slightly bends down to get a better look.
He can smell the baby powder mixed with that soft smelling fabric softener you use – and probably your breast milk as well since he ate half an hour ago before Seokjin came. The new scent is something completely foreign to him but he finds it calming and oddly likes it.
“You wanna hold him?” you quietly ask, his eyes slightly widen as he looks straight at you.
He seems to be taken back, looking like a complete different person. This is something he’s not very familiar with, this is completely new to him. So is to you, but you spent your last three weeks with him. You’ve had enough time to get familiar with the new feelings of having a baby.
“I-are you sure?” he breathes out, scratching the back of his neck as the tip of his ears are reddening.
Is he blushing?
“Well, you’re here for him. Aren’t you?” you chuckle at his current state and for the first time, he doesn’t have any snarky remark aimed towards you.
He’s too focused on your son and the fact that he’s about to hold him for the first time. The last time he saw him was back at the hospital, through the glass which seemed unreachable back then, but he can already tell he grew up. He’s still as small as he can be, but he’s getting slightly chubbier in cheeks.
“Come on, I’ll show you. Let’s sit down in case you’d let him fall.” you tease him with a grin while he rolls his eyes at you.
“Very funny.” he grumbles but still follows you before he plops down at the seat beside you.
Yoojin starts to quietly blabbering at the movement while wiggling his tiny fingers with his eyes still closed. You swing him in your arms, gently so he wouldn’t start crying. Once he calms down, you adjust yourself before handing him to Seokjin who stares with wide eyes, but he’s quick to grab the tiny body wrapped in beige blanket with white dots.
“Support his head like this,” you tell him, holding Yoojin’s head before Seokjin’s huge palm replace your own. “And wrap your arm around him like this.” you end with grabbing his arm, ignoring jolting feeling once your hands touch his arm even through the thick material of his hoodie.
He places it around Yoojin, listening to all your instructions while he mindlessly stares at the sleeping baby. “Wow,” he breathes out, adjusting himself before he goes back to simply staring at him in awe.
You can see how new and unfamiliar it is to him, just like the sight of this is to you. You’ve no idea how you should feel about the current state of Kim Seokjin, holding your baby. You’re both parents. He’s a father now.
It’s crazy.
“We created this?” he asks quietly and you almost don’t hear him, but the room is filled with so much silence that you do.
You bite your lower lip, subtly nodding but he probably hasn’t even noticed it, too caught up in his thoughts. Maybe you weren’t even supposed to hear it. He seems like in daze.
“What’s his name?”
The fact that he doesn’t even know his son’s name never crossed your mind, not until he asks it without glancing your way. He never asked you that time in his office and you never told him. Not like it was done on purpose, more like you forgot to even mention that. You were too caught up in the fact that he’s about to be in Yoojin’s life from now on.
“Yoojin.” you answer with so soft tone, that sounds just plain vulnerable and you must look like it when he glances your way.
He stares at you, surprised that you actually took the tip he gave you, which you never asked for but are still grateful for. The name really suits him and it rolls off tongue nicely.
“Yoojin,” he whispers, looking down at him as the baby soundlessly sleeps in his father’s arm. “Does he have my surname?”
He has to ask now that he’s finally able to touch and hold his own child, a half part of him. You’re not surprised by the questions since he has every right to ask about his son. It’s weird, because all he ever cared about was to be in his life and now that he is, he asks basic informations. It’s like him being in his life was the most important thing and mission he had.
“Yes.” you whisper, looking away while fiddling with your fingers, using that fact that he’s not even looking at you.
You didn’t want him to be in his life, but you still wanted to have his father’s surname. Kim Yoojin. It definitely sounds better than with your surname. Yeah, that’s the reason.
“Kim Yoojin,” he says more like to himself, blinking couple of times, before he continues.
“It’s nice to meet you.”
