This is Angsty as fuck. all the warnings, literally, at your own risk. but y’all asked me to post so here you go.
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Okay, it’s more of a fic idea rather than a headcanon.
Basically due to the status of the house of black. I’d like to think that the black brothers had their own dorm in Hogwarts, a fully furnished room with two beds for both boys in the Slytherin dungeons.
Sirius was supposed to get sorted into Slytherin and stay in it, and the following year he’d share it with Regulus. But alas, that didn’t happen and Sirius got sorted into Gryffindor, stayed with James, Remus, and peter.
The dorm was left empty till the next year when Regulus joined and got sorted, now only one bed. His own room with no one to bother him, just like back home. Except he wanted Sirius to be there. He couldn’t understand why his brother would abandon him like that.
Sirius understood what Reg must’ve felt like and started to sneak into the Slytherin dorms almost 4 times a week after his and Reg’s classes just to spend time with him.
He Showed up the first day of school after the sorting and found Regulus curled up in bed, crying. Regulus wanted to go home, he didn’t want to be alone. He was destined to spend all his school years in that room in a different house and he hated it. He hated every single second of it.
Sirius promised him that day that he’d always be there, whenever he can. He won’t let Regulus stay there alone. It would be like they’ve never left home minus Walburga.
They would help each other with classes, Sirius sucked at potions, and luckily his brother seems to be an honorary student in it. He would give Reg practical tips and training in DADA and Transfiguration. Talk about Quidditch. Sirius was more than proud when his brother got the seeker position in the Slytherin team. “You’d be playing against us, I’ll tell James to go easy on you.”
They would talk, play, vent, and cry about letters their mother sends (mostly to Sirius). Regulus gets a lot of nightmares. So just like home, he needed Sirius around him.
Sirius spent the nights there, in that room. He rarely slept in his own bed. The rest of the boys would question his absence, he told James and asked to borrow the cloak when he needs it to facilitate sneaking in and out of the dorms at night.
They came out to each other one night during Sirius’ fifth year. Sirius was ranting about Remus, how he drives him insane, etc. When Reg jokingly said,” Are you sure you’re straight, Siri?” that’s when Sirius just looked at him and some sort of realization hit them both. “I’m gay?” “You’re gay!” and they just hugged. Regulus promised no one will ever know about it until Sirius is ready for that step. To offer insurance, he told Sirius that he doesn’t really think that he has feelings or has ever felt anything towards anyone. Both ways.
Sirius told him that he could be Aromantic and that if he is, that’s absolutely fine. It doesn’t mean that he lacks feelings because Regulus feels more than anyone he knew. And that he’s not broken. They just cry a lot that night. Each one with his own demons to battle. But at least they had each other.
Sirius stayed with Regulus 24/7 after the prank incident when everyone in his world seemingly hated him. Reg would read muggle books to him and beat him in chess. And sometimes let him win.
This routine happened during most of their years at Hogwarts, the marauders knew about it. McGonagall and Slughorn also knew but no one dared to argue with the boy.
Regulus was a priority to Sirius and everyone knew it.
Until the summer before the sixth year, when everything fell apart. Sirius ran away. He did it again. He left him. He left him again. He didn’t look back at what he was leaving behind, at who he was leaving behind. Regulus couldn’t get over it. He knew Sirius abandoned him again. He didn’t know how to forgive him. Why didn’t Sirius think about him? Why didn’t he take him with him? He felt like he didn’t really matter to Sirius that much. He chose the Potters, just like he chose Gryffindor all those years ago.
The first time Sirius showed up to his room during the Sixth year, Regulus couldn’t control his anger. He lashed out at him. “We’re not brothers, you’re not a Black. Now, get the fuck out before I call Slughorn” Called him a traitor. Not a blood traitor, he didn’t really care about those values, no, Sirius betrayed him. He broke the promise. He kicked him out. Asked to never have to see him again. Not even in the hallways. Despite all his pleas and apologies, Sirius left that dorm feeling worse than when he was kicked out of the Grimmauld place.
Despite all the anger that Regulus felt, he would never allow anyone to shit-talk his brother. He would straight up pick up fights with anyone calling Sirius a slur. He called Sirius brave for what he did. He didn’t hate on Sirius for leaving that wretched place and having different values. He looked up to him and he wanted to go with him. He can’t now, he was alone, with them, and a very dark future ahead of him.
Sirius never left though. Because he knew Regulus wasn’t okay, he wasn’t okay either. His friends were being great but he missed his brother.
Sirius borrowed the cloak every night, sneaked out in the middle of the night. He just hid under the cloak and sat on the floor next to Reg’s bed, for hours. He needed his presence. Just to be there. He cried a lot because he could hear Regulus having nightmares and he couldn’t do anything. He’d just kick him out again.
Regulus figured out what was happening later on, in Sirius’ seventh year. He never minded. He was awake. Sirius was awake. Each one just being silent. They just stayed there. No one talked. Sirius being under the cloak. And Regulus on the bed lying on his back.
It was Reg’s last year. Sirius wasn’t there. He left Hogwarts. Joined the resistance. He’s fighting for the good side. Regulus wanted to go to. He wanted to be part of the Order too. He stayed in that room, reading the letter his mother had sent him. He would be taking the dark mark. Nothing twisted his heart like that letter. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to write to Sirius. He wanted him to tell him it’s going to be alright. But he knew it won’t.
Nothing will be alright. There is no turning back. He’ll be one of them and he’d be hated. Sirius would be ashamed of him.
He took it, he let the dark lord mark him, with his family around, celebrating him. Like he’s some kind of a hero. He wasn’t. He was the lowest of the low. He would look up to the sky and watch that certain star. “Please, help me” he would whisper. But he was never answered.
Regulus was writing the note. He knew was he was about to do. It was death. But he didn’t care. He believed anything would be better. He can’t live with himself. He wanted to burn it off, cut his damn arm. But then he would know and it won’t end well.
He figured since he’d either die this way or another. He would go trying to do something good. Just one step closer to the fall of the dark lord. He drank the potion with one person in mind. And was dragged in the water with one last thought. “I hope you’re proud of me.”
