#11.2.2020

[devonjwerkheiser]

devonwerkharder “one more ••• tag your OG BFFs ••• w/@ladymshawsters and @daniel_curtis_lee

#throwback #flashback #grown #nostalgia #nickelodeon

[mansikka-wizard-art]

I know I just changed my icon, but I got sick of seeing it the next day, so here’s a new one!

[nei-ning]

Two dreams, which both felt more or less important, and of course I forgot those important parts from them so I write down only those parts what I remember.

Dream number 1. I was back at our old home. It was summer day so I was outside at front yard (grass area). There was stone fence with flowers and, what I remember, there was small flat stone which was some sort of clear crystal. It was very important spiritually. My father was there with his red van and he said something to me while I was searching this crystal. I also felt that turtles were there somewhere behind me, but it seems I was the only one able to sense them since my father, clearly, didn’t see or sense them.

Dream number 2. It was evening and I was in some small alley in Japan. I also realized I wasn’t me, but I was Raphael. I can’t tell which version since he was like a mix of 2003 and 2014 versions. I looked up at one house’s window which was on second floor. The house was old. There was light behind the window and a young boy, probably between 7 and 10, looked at me. He waved me to get inside since I needed a place to stay for the night. So I went in. I had to climb up old wooden stairs to get in this small “mudroom” where this boy was waiting for me. He took me in next room which was pretty tiny right behind the mudroom. As I stepped in the room, instantly on my left was mattress which the boy slept on and across the mattress on my right was small table/shelf combination which had small TV and some game console. This was obviously this boy’s room. There was small hallway which went deeper in the apartment via small stairs and I heard noises from there. Rest of the boy’s family lived there. Either this boy wasn’t allowed to live there with rest of the family (because that side of the house was more new and better) or he didn’t want to live there. I got the feeling he didn’t get along with his family so well. This boy was now either going to sleep on his mattress or go say his family he will go to bed when I turned to look in the mudroom. It was quite dark and only light came from the boy’s room and from the streets. At the left back corner were the stairs what I had used to climb in the room. I couldn’t stop staring at them, feeling something dark there. I waited literally anything (spirit/s) to come out up in the mudroom, but nothing came. Tho it was still there. I reached my hand towards the open doorway, starting to do cross sign in the air towards the room. When I spoke, it was Raphael’s voice (2003 voice was very similar to his voice). I / he said; “No any negative energy or beings are allowed to come in the room nor in this house.” And I kept repeating; “No any negativity is allowed to come here.” perhaps 3 times in a row at least before I stopped. I then turned to look around, feeling more ease, and I spotted this boy already sleeping on his mattress. I couldn’t help but to smile as I got down sideways in the middle of the doorway. I wanted to keep my shell / back towards the mudroom if something would come from there. I wanted to protect this kid. As I laid my head down at the edge of his mattress near his head, I couldn’t help but to smile as my heart filled with love and care. I heard Raphael’s voice in my head when I thought; “Gosh, he’s adorable.” and then nuzzled softly against his hair. Raphael really liked this kid already, wanting to protect him during the night. it was obvious the kid hadn’t sleep all that much or well because some spirit(s) came to him during the night. I think he slept so well that night Raphael by his side. Next I was back at the street, looking up at the window where I had been before. I think I was still Raphael or I had turn back to be myself. As I looked up at the window, there was the same warm light of a home what there had been before, but now there also was hanging, in the air by itself, white weird flame. it was slightly swinging back and forth in slightly side/forward ways towards the window. It was a good sign. I knew that white light was good and that the boy would be okay.

[muteddreamssilentscreams]

Is it worse to stay,

and go down in flames

or to get out

and be left wondering,

were you really burning at all?

[bruised-pink]

okay msorry for trying to be honest with yu abt the fact that i’m relapsing msorry for trying to be honest about why for once i’m sorry i should’ve known better i’m sorry i should’ve kept my mouth shut msorry msorry msorry msorry i’ll stop now i promise i’ll just. not talk abt it i’ll be good i’ll say whatever you want and i’ll keep my mouth shut about what i’m actually doing and feeling i promise i’m sorry i’m so sorry for trying to ask for attention i’ll stop i’m so sorry

[godsnameisjoy]

Promises to Keep

Date: 11 February 2020

Duration : 30 minutes at 9:25 pm

Depth :

Here is the note from this night :

I napped for half an hour prior to meditation. I was feeling tired and mildly low through the evening hours. With these two things put together, I am just plain glad that I meditated at all. Sessions like these aren’t meteoric but they count. On the long run, a meditation session with nothing special, with not even a pause in breathing, matters to make future special sessions possible.

[prosy-days]

February 11, 2020 - Day 237

Dessert while having a planning meeting!

[goodnightmybatgirl]

In March, I plan to go karaoke-ing, Serena. And I am going to try perfect Mengerti (KRU) in memory of you.

As the day when I lost you draws near, know that there is not a day where I don’t think of you, or look at your photo. I miss you everyday and it still hurts. I miss you even more now because you were my pillar when I was at the verge of breaking down. Eh, Serena, even though you’re not physically by me, I still tell people that you’re my soulmate. You’re my sister. You’re my best friend. Now, you are my Guardian Angel. I know why you’ve not come see me yet. I have not been able to say goodbye, even after almost a year. I miss you so much. And I know you had always knew that I love you even when I couldn’t say it out loud.