#11222021

[hannybstudies]

✎ 11.22.2021 // today I got my license application notarized and ready to mail off! next, I'll wait for approval so I can set my exam date—woohoo!! I also spent some time studying at my favorite coffee shop while enjoying a blackberry spritzer. it's been a great monday!

[nichroous]

498

further wip of 484

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[beautifullybrokenbabydoll]

I complain a lot about being single but I believe it has so much to do with the fact everyone makes me feel horrible for finally being at peace with it. I finally feel free and can love myself while also feeling myself always searching for profound pieces of myself that need improvement. It's no longee forcing myself to keep going for the sake of faking it til I make it. The brokenness is still there but it's not as hard to put the pieces together when the pieces of my heart are hit with the sheer force of a bat of mental illness or unpredictable circumstances. I look forward to the day the universe decides that I am ready for love but until then... I have myself and the people I have chosen to be apart of all circles of my universe. I know it's so much easier said than done especially on days when it's so hard to pick yourself up after falling down into a tunnel that seems never ending... just needing the momentium from someone else to keep your feet going. It's a balance. It's so hard to see the light but I can feel the heat of it. It's enough to provide a direction even when I truly don't want to keep going. When I want to be erased... I instead I lean against the wall of the tunnel I am wandering aimlessly, I focus on feeling the heat of the light, taking a minute to remember that without pushing through the darkness, we would never know what the light is. It sounds like a cheesy quote you'd find on your mom's Facebook but it's true. Find your heat and understand that the balance between light and dark is necessary so we continue to be grateful for what we have.

[tortured-society]

I can’t believe I’m actually thinking of parting ways with the civic.

[phoenix5eva]

11/22/21

Heeey Journal,

Welllll, these sure are some fucked up lazy days we’re living. We have this constant feeling that we should be doing way better than we’re doing. We should be applying to jobs... We’re waiting to find out about the Escape and if it’s fixable. If it’s not, we’re going to have to make it happen on a bike again.

It’s gonna be live again. Don’t worry, journal. We’ll see the other side of this.

We spent today working on a recent composition of ours. We’re notating everything as we make changes to it. It’s pretty unique, maybe we’ll show it to Mr. K when we’re done? The whole process is really helping re-awaken our musical brain. So at least we’re spending time doing what we love. Step by step.

With love,

Matt

[dubstepcarcommercial]

ok for ppl who are paying attention and may be getting confused about my various outbursts and vague posts:

my wife: not my ex. we are married. we are also single. no it's not confusing we just contain multitudes. we love each other.

my ex: not my wife. different person. I am mad at them.

[dubstepcarcommercial]

thank you for adding to my low self esteem and insecurity

[dubstepcarcommercial]

why would somebody date someone they feel lukewarm about like wtf is wrong with you!!!!!!!