#12:02pm

[ajyal-azez]

سأصبح يوماً ما أريد.

[mindnmybidness]

I just want my future husband to know that I’m always going to put requests in for: kisses, back rubs, and booty rubs. All the time. Everyday.

[xabadoos]

Shit yall! Mark the date! I got my first hate mail! I must be getting popular for some reason? And right after i asked for happy messages due to anxiety? My lucky day i guess lol

[ajyal-azez]

دوماً هناك وجوه حقيقية في أروقة المكتبات، تبحث عن صديقٌ يشابه مطلع رحلتها.

[marriedtotheking]

Comp sci midterm in 2 hours.......I shouldn’t feel as calm as I do hm

[onisrn]

I’ve been feeling kinda negative since yesterday, yk the whole talha thing (the last post) then in academy seeing all the other girls and feeling inferior about my hijab and abaya etc. I feel kinda hypocritical because i feel like that so much - bad about myself compared to everyone inferior bc of abaya and how everyone else is probably judging me thinks im a loser etc etc bc of what i wear. whenever im feeling idk down thats usually what im thinking. and that leads to other self deprecating thoughts that make me feel bad about myself then dislike myself like be angry at who i am those self deprecating thoughts being like how im so awkward and not confident and if i was more confident and extroverted i could be like those ppl who everyone naturally likes without giving a second thought bc thats like. the given. and i could get what i want in life and so on.

I told apa about the hypocritical thing and how i feel inferior so much mainly bc of abaya and now i feel a lil better. 

basically. why do ppl not do hijab? bc thats the default. doing hijab is sth extra and not sth a normal person would think of doing bc the default is. dont cover your head. girls like to be pretty, its natural  ¯\_(·_·)_/¯. and bc its natural do i want to do it too. ygm. now, why do people do hijab? because allah said so. its a jihad, because ppl dont want to do it. so naturally obviously i too will want to not do it, that feeling will come where ill think ppl who don’t do it are better off than me. because im a girl and the default is to not do it. (the whole age thing and being surrounded by ppl judging u and ppl who care so incredibly much about how they and consequently others look and looks looks looks and lust and hhhormonesss and materialistic things {have i ever mentioned how much i hate being my age} doesn’t help.) so we’ve established that feeling like ppl who dont wear hijab are better off is natural. but from there i think there’s a fine line in what i could feel. either i feel either i could follow that path where i continue to think that ppl who don’t do it are better off, and hence start hating what i look like with it on, and start hating hijab and then one fine day stop doing it altogether, or i could think okay it’s natural to feel like that sometimes but reality check: i’m doing it for allah. because allah told me to. if there wasnt allah’s command in the picture no one ever would do hijab like i said. therefore i will continue doing hijab for allah’s sake to do what He wants me to. and i will continue loving it because He loves it.

Not to mention that all that good looks and boys and even girls judging you and all o that ish is literally so so so temporary like yk my fave fave ayat (Surah Muminoon) about being on this earth a day or less so in actuality this whole life is temporary and the whole teenager and hhhormonesss phase even more so. i literally have like 3 months of A levels left. at least this year. god knows what the future holds legit stressed for uni idk what im gonna do where im gonna go but thats another topic.

So therefore it’s fine to feel a lil bad about myself about doing hijab now and then when p much everyone around me is not, but from there i must choose what’s right and do what allah wants me to. that’s what makes me different from those around me: i’ll follow what allah’s told me to and put Him first rather than ppl and their judgments and opinions first. Besides i want to follow what bibi fatimah and bibi zaynab and everyone loved and the person i’m named after fought so hard for it and her right to wear it. i love the line ‘wearing hijab is jihad’.Hijab is jihad and i will do it. anyway, feeling the way i am makes wearing hijab a bit harder so maybe that means i’ll get even more sawab for doing it? because then it’s an even bigger jihad? idk i sure hope so

[asianlauren]

School is so tiring and I still have work after this, man it never ends. At least my notes don't look half bad.