Summary: Regulus doesn't feel good, how will he escape that? Bit angsty I guess, reference to depression
Every day of Regulus’ life is the same way.
He wakes up, in a too big bed, Mr. Kreach comes and open his curtains for him. He goes downstairs to eat with his parents that he greets the way they taught him to.
And life goes. And life goes.
School has ended for a year, but Regulus isn’t in a wedding hurry. He’s only nineteen, and his parents have agreed to wait for a bit before choosing his wife for him. He learns how to handle the fortune of the families.
He learns how to be the Heir his brother should have been. He’s not as good as him.
Every day of Regulus’ life is the same way.
He lives through them as a robot would. Mechanical.
Always.
The.
Same.
Way.
*
James doesn’t understand a single thing to what Sirius does, but that doesn’t prevent him from loving to spend time watching him lovingly fix an old motorbike. Sirius is good with that, mechanic and all. He tried to teach it all to James, who has only ever had a smile and a vague nod, so he ended up stopping. Now, he talks about that to his dad.
And to Moony, but it isn’t really fair or objective because he doesn’t understand either; Moony is just the type that would pay to listen Sirius talks, and Sirius doesn’t care that Remus doesn’t understand, because he just loves when he stares at him lovingly like he does while he gets to talk about what he likes.
Anyway, James never had to understand it to love it, just because it makes Sirius happy. It had been one of the first thing Sirius was able to get up for after he moved to the Potters. You could have thought that, after having left his abusive household, he’d be happy, but it hasn’t worked that way. For months, he couldn’t leave his bed, he spent his time fixing up the wall, only moving to go to the toilette, and when one of the Potter came and forced him to eat.
James remembers the day he arrived to take care of Sirius – since he couldn’t do it himself, and James will always do what Sirius can’t, and Sirius does what James can’t – their dad just bought a motorbike, wanting to fix it. That information had made Sirius look at James, something rare enough to be noticeable. The days after, all the Potters talked about it, until Sirius asked if he could see it.
James sometimes wonders how things would have happened without that. Hopefully, he can ask all he wants, he doesn’t have to see it. Instead, he can watch Sirius, covered in motor oil, grinning at him like a child, while they talk about everything.
“I love you, Siri…”
Sirius looks at him, a bit surprised. His smile returns quickly.
“Love you too, Jamie!”
*
Always the same.
Always the same.
Not the good same.
Not the comforting same. The one that chokes you. One that makes Regulus go crazy.
Nothing. It’s always the same. Even the tears that streams on his cheeks until the odd hours of the night are the same. The muffled sobs against his pillows until he can’t breathe, until he wishes he really wasn’t.
He needs to escape.
He thinks of Sirius. The night he escaped, he told Regulus, “come with me, we don’t need them. With me, you’ll always be safe. Please…”. Regulus stayed here.
Regulus wants to call Sirius’ name at night, because he needs to be saved, and who better than Sirius?
*
“Do you think of your brother sometimes?”
Sirius seems furious.
“Why do you ask that?”
“I don’t know, I just remember him younger, and I wonder how he is now…”
“He’s living the nobility life I quit. There’s nothing else to say. He was always more fit to that than I am. He’s probably really happy.”
“What if he isn’t, though? What if he isn’t and he has no one to save him?”
*
He needs to stop that.
He can’t let it stay that way forever.
He looks at the hill from his window. He needs to do something.
A motor roars outside, an unusual sound, up in the manor.
*
“What if he isn’t, though?”
“James. James!”
Sirius is at James’ side, near his bed.
“Wa’sgoin’ on?”
“I need to see him.”
“You should sleep, and we’ll go tomorrow.”
“James. I need it now. Please.”
Now, they’re on the first motorbike Sirius bought alone, in the middle of the night, travelling the countryside.
*
The motor comes closer.
A motorbike on the perfectly neat lane. Black hair flying against the sky.
Regulus knows that silhouette from instinct alone; Sirius is here. Sirius has come back for him. He runs down the stairs, he opens the big door and arrives there, just in front of Sirius and James, both waiting on him.
“You’ve come.”
*
First thing James notices: Regulus is pretty.
Second thing: he looks like Sirius when he moved to their house; he looks bad.
*
Regulus is packing. Sirius hasn’t let their parents talk, and Regulus is packing, with Sirius and James at his side, and he’s going away.
Since in all the years they’ve spent aside, Sirius hasn’t lost his ability to be an idiot, they’ll be forced to wait a few hours for Fleamont Potter to come with a truck to fetch the motorbike, since all three of them can’t fit.
And then.
Freedom.
*
Regulus seems to live his departure as bad as Sirius. Sirius who spends hours every day with him.
One day, Sirius is occupied, so James comes and take his place. He starts talking to him about Sirius. About mechanic. How’s that work, even though he doesn’t really understand. Basically, it’s the same everywhere, to a few minor variations.
“My life was like that.”
Regulus spoke.
Regulus spoke!
“Mechanical. Everything was the same. Everything was… it was too much.”
“Has it changed?”
“No.”
*
Regulus wants to talk more.
He does, days after days. He’s eager for when James is going to be there. He’s more willing to eat. He goes and cleans himself.
James spends time with him after.
James is handsome.
Regulus is getting better, and he likes to hear James talks. One day, he grabs his hand, of his own will, like that.
Apparently, he likes to watch James, to hear him, and he really really likes to hold his hand.
