#4serious

[hashtag-gymlife]

View this post on Instagram

Someone just got caught grunting. (at Blue Moon Fitness)

[utopian-fish]

.

Everyone says I obviously love him so And I find myself uttering his name during masturbation so I guess its not under my control so He's still not my type tho

[hashtag-gymlife]

JB was my fitspo until I found out he's not natty.

[each-wave]

What do you get your brother for his 30th birthday when he has everything but what he really wants - life-fulfilling female companionship? ... Besides hookers, blow and maybe counselling?

[lil-change]

i keep forgetting this is the same song as the original, they're so different it's crazy

[unmystical]

For the 2 years I have had a Tumblr, I have not once received anon hate. I'm not posting this to be an attention seeking whore, but as being genuinely surprised.

[mrawkweird]

Hail To The Chief Of Me

As far as I'm concerned President's Day is a day to start acting like a President. Therefore I'm going to take it upon myself to start making some laws.

Law 1 - Don't question me. If you throw me off my decision making with an "Are you sure?" be prepared for a verbal barrage.

Law 2 - Moronic or not you will humor me and my wittiness.

Law 3 - No questions about my sex life.

Law 4 - If you are a female within my age range I get to poke your forehead.

Law 5 - If you are a male within my age range you will accept the fact that by default I dislike you. I'm 25% petty and you can't take that away from me.

Law 6 - Everyone will pretend I tower over them.

Law 7 - You will address me as 'President of the 25th and a 1 1/2 Century' in its entirety.

Law 8 - M&M's will be the new tax. Preferably the ones with things in them.

Law 9 - You will NOT assassinate me.

Law 10 - Ultra slang will get your mouth washed out with battery acid, and when your teeth rot out I get to make teeth monsters.

Law 11 - Any mutinies MUST be cleared by me first.

Law 12 - 'Awkweird' will officially be inserted into the Dictionary.

Law 13 - Every Friday night will be spent with me in my presidential suite filled with king sized bunk beds, big screen TVs, video games, and candy 'cause if you don't I'll cry, and you don't want me to cry because I'm too precious to cry, and the word 'Precious' just reminded me of my cat. I think I'm gonna cry.

Law 14 - Suicide must first be signed-off on before committing said action. Failure to provide proper sign-off will get your corpse arrested.

Law 15 - Ignore my insanity and enjoy your day.