#5.9.21

[edo-vivendum]

Can I ask what it's like to actually be recovered? Do you feel free? Do you ever miss your ED? My therapist keeps reminding me that I won't just *forget* how to have an ED if I want one. And she's right of course. But she also says that when I'm recovered I won't want one anymore, and that's so mind boggling I can't comprehend it. It's that really true? Is it really possible to just let yourself exist and be fine as you are after spending so long in agony trying to be otherwise?

Hi! Thanks for asking. Let me answer your questions in pieces so I can organize my thoughts.

Do you ever miss your ED? Very very rarely. Less than once every two months. I miss my sick body fairly often, but my ED made me so so miserable.

I definitely have not forgotten how to have ED. If I wanted to relapse, I could. I still remember all my "tricks". I still remember how many calories are in everything (though as it is now, it doesn't come to my mind unless I consciously think about it).

Is it really possible to just let yourself exist and be fine as you are after spending so long in agony trying to be otherwise? Fuck yeah it is. I have moments here and there (like today) where I want to look different, but I can accept that even if I don't love the way I look, I love who I am. It's not perfect, but I am letting myself exist, and I'm not micromanaging it. Sometimes it feels like a lot, but honestly? Most days it comes naturally.

Do I feel free? I truly do. When I was deep in my ED, I really hated myself. My self-worth came from my ability to shrink myself. Now, (granted this came from more than just ED treatment it also took trauma work), but now, I know that I am lovable no matter my size. I am able to fully participate in life!! I am not overwhelmed by anxieties about food! I can let negative thoughts go, and negative emotions are temporary. Truly, I never thought I'd get here. But I did.

Yeah, I could go back. But there is no part of me that wants to go back, not when I think about the whole picture of what my life was when I was in my ED.

I struggled with an eating disorder for most of my life. I have no memories of a life without one, but I'm finally creating those memories, and it's truly amazing to know I worked sooo hard to get to this place. It took me seven years of working on myself to get here. Progress can be slow. But seriously, it's worth it.

[an0nymousghost]

happy milf day

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

bit of a weaker chapter than 11 but I still enjoyed it ofc

funny gag also

[whatever-dude]

If you're gonna fight, wear your mouthguard

[ener-chi]

Okay, time for a really big update. Very long post below.

This is something that has been happening over the past 6 months, but I was not able to talk about until recently.

6 months ago, I showed up to the astral one day in some kind of abandoned temple. And I found that I couldn't leave. I wasn't able to pull up my own "realm" or talk to my guides or anything.

I explored the temple - very old, very large and cavernous, yet minimalistic. Also very empty, and very quiet. There was one place that I frequented often - a shrine room, with a small Buddhist-like shrine and a giant statue of some kind of warrior-like figure that I couldn't make out.

Skipping ahead here (all of this was pretty drawn out but I'm making it seem like it happened quickly) one day I was testing my clairaudience and I realized that the temple was not, in fact, empty or quiet; it was very much alive. Voices filled the halls, and energy ran through the walls. I found myself being drawn to a new portion of the temple, and after making some offerings, someone appeared to me.

It was the figure that the giant statue portrayed. He said that he once overlooked this temple, but now he must move on and place it in the hands of someone else. One lengthy process later, this is what happened.

I found that my energy had become linked to this temple. I also found that the temple was living, and had a "spiritual" embodiment - like a form that it appeared as, which is like that of a spirit.

I spent a couple of months learning - new techniques, new forms of energy work, new runic spells. Things about reality. Things about myself.

I also started working with Odinn. Through his help, I ended up spending the last two months confronting and working through my biggest traumas.

All of this has completely changed my practice - everything about it. My energy is different, my energy work methods are different, my runic magic and astral fighting is different, my views on the Universe and Reality have been altered. Everything has changed - definitely for the better.

There is soo much more to this, but this is basically the story in a nutshell. I've been wanting to share it, but I haven't been able to. The temple was not open, and I did not want to draw any attention to it until it was time. The temple opened a couple of days ago, and now I'm finally able to talk about it!! Very interesting, exciting times indeed.

That's it for now. Hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Blessings!

[thighlerseguin]

DAL vs. CHI | May 9, 2021 - Denis Gurianov 1-1

[closetgremlin]

Just found out that Spotify has audiobooks now 👀? You will see me listening to those, now, holy shit

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

I fuckin caught up to Tropical Rouge! Was only 5 episodes behind. But all were really fun! Every time I fall behind on this I wonder why I’m still watching and every time I catch up I’m like “oh yeah that’s why”. Wild.

Laura very cute