#6:09pm

[lora9]

لكل شيءٍ في الحياةِ وزنٌ في المعادلة؛ إما متغيرٌ إيجابًا وسلبًا ، وإما ثابتٌ يقف في وجهِ مرونةِ كل المتغيرات . . فأيهما أنت !

-لورا

[choaswl]

شئ كبير بينا اتكسر..يمكن أملي فيك و ثقتي أنك بتبادلني نفس الشعور.. مش عارفة بس كل اللي اعرفه ان مبقاش في حاجة زي الأول و لا ينفع أتعامل عادي..صدقني غصب عني!

[ajyal-azez]

كانت إحدى المساءات الهادئة، التى ظللتُ أراقب أشعة الشمس بلحظات الغروب وهي تودع حضورها بلونها الساحر الفريد. برفقة ذاتي ولمسات هدوئي وموسيقى محببة من بعيد.

[mastershq]

* maia mitchell is now on reserve for the next 24 hours !

[haleys-thoughts]

💜💙💜💙Grief/depression💜💙💜💙💜💙💜💙I'm tired of caring. Of feeling stuck like I cannot live my own life. As it is, life is so difficult like the financial obligations. All the worries and stresses of this life. Honestly I think I may have more than one mental illness. Looks like I've hit the jackpot. All I do is feel so lonely and focus on the things that suck or that I want out of life, opposed to the good and peace I already have. Like I'm taking medicine I wish it would cure me cause I'd take it for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I have more motivation than ever. But there's still something missing. Like I want to meet new people make new friends and forget the fact that my friends today barely care to make time for me. I'm back where I used to be where I want to delete my Facebook and just leave without a trace. But at the same time I know that would be an unhealthy choice for me. I'd feel lonelier than ever and probably regret that decision. My life is okay right now. My cat isn't sick and I'm not panicking wondering if he's gonna make it. Last year was such a nightmare. So yes I am grateful for that, I couldn't deal with it again. I would probably sink to the ground if something happened to Maxy. But I know he's okay. Also I hate how much he reminds me of Sonny. Like Maxy loves to eat, like everything. It reminds me of when Sonny was losing his appetite and all of his weight. He was so thin. Grief is so overwhelming. I want to talk to people about it, but they get tired of it. They'll lie and say "no I'm always here to listen" but they get tired of it. Which is fine like whatever. But I wish people would be honest. I know grief is a horrible topic. In so many ways grief is like depression. Depression takes your will to live, your passions, your peaceful state of mind. You walk around like a zombie. You don't know who you are or why you're even alive. You have a purpose? Doubtful. Forget sharing with your friends they barely care. They expect you to deal with it or handle it maybe even get over it. Grief is unfair too. Whether it's a family member or your best friend, Sonny was both to me. Them dying well fuck. I'm still pissed at the world. You suffer, cry at 3 in the morning, scream into your pillow, gasp for air, give yourself a headache, and if you're lucky fall asleep. I didn't want to eat, shop, work just pissed me off. I was this close to swallowing a bunch of pills. I didn't want to live. People don't understand what ultimate low you must be at to think that way. Nobody really cared. I got myself through it. So my point to myself is, I don't need anyone to feel bad for me, tell me it's gonna be okay, text me back fine whatever. I got myself through hell so to be honest I don't need you.💜💙💜💙

[4am-sorrow]

🖤🖤🖤🖤You deserved better. To enjoy life. I can never forgive the world for taking you away from me🖤🖤🖤🖤

[haleys-thoughts]

💙💜💙💜

💙💜💙💜I need a real reason to keep going. Everyone feels like they have to have this purpose to successfully exist on this Earth but that is not true. For people like me who don't really know what their destiny is if destiny is even a thing, we often wonder what we should be doing right now. The truth is after 21 years almost 22 years, I still don't know what I'm supposed to be doing right now. All I am doing is barely surviving with depression which makes it so much harder for me or for anyone that is going through it. The simplest things throughout the day which could be often easy for someone else, are extremely difficult to deal with on a daily basis. Things that you do all the time things that are usually pretty simple end up being extremely difficult. I would like to know what my purpose is why I should keep going, am I supposed to meet someone? Am I supposed to be this big shot successful career driven person or am I going to be happy with the simplest things? Why is life so difficult? Everyone says to enjoy your life but usually things that you enjoy are simple in context. Not necessarily everything but most things yes. They say you're supposed to enjoy your life and to be grateful for it. But how are you supposed to enjoy it when you don't know what you are supposed to be doing? What am I supposed to do if for my whole life I have felt useless talentless and basically worthless? What am I supposed to do then when I have no real talent or specialty? How come I wasn't given anything? All I want is a purpose and all I want is just to be happy in life. I've spent 22 years practically being very unhappy. So you think that maybe I can start enjoying it for real? Yeah partying is real fun and everything but I mean I really need a real purpose a will to live. Now that is what I need to feel like I deserve to be here. And maybe just maybe we can get the show on the road and I can recover and make a significant difference in my life. I want to be happy already. Will 2018 be the year that good things happen for me? Well I guess we have to wait and find out.💙💜💙💜