documents of a lonely lesbian: entry - 5
Lowkey juys, I’m not that lonely. I have friends but not really a distinct group of friends that I hang out with.
Now, I know this might sound sad, but I’ve never had a friend group before. I have only had stand alone friends, but even then I never was someone’s first choice.
I want a friend group who likes me for who I am and will always include me and will see me as part of the group instead of someone they have to be friends with because they pity me. I really long for that, a group of people where we can have long talks, have sleepovers, do something for each of our birthdays, explore abandoned places together, enjoy each other company, and have playful banter with each other.
Making friends was never easy for me. It was especially hard when I moved states(sc to fl) and had to start over at a new school. For my 7th grade year I basically had no friends because I didn’t know how to make them. It was pretty normal for me because I was used to being alone. Was I happy: yes, because that’s what’s normal to me. That’s what I got used to.
Looking back, I know that I am most likely the problem. I’m shy and I don’t know how to hold a conversation well with people I don’t know. I have a lot of problems I have to handle to make myself a better friend like for example: I have a problem where I tend to talk about myself a lot, especially when talking to others. It’s one of my biggest issues that i have to overcome.
Now that I’m older and am about to starting my freshman year of high school next year, I really want to put my self out there and make friends. I always say that every year, but this time I mean it. I am not going to be a loner. Things don’t come to you magically unless you try and put in the effort.
