Documents Of A Lonely Lesbian

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆just a lover girl without a girl to love⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ I will mostly post whatever I want here like my art, photo dumps, random thing that happen in my life, and diary entries ꩜stage crew certified ꩜clarinet player!

[meadowlark-madi]

- PHOTODUMP-

Yesterday I went to a pride event with my friend. It was my first pride and I had a great time! I felt so safe to be around people that are the same as me. They had a show in the middle of the event where drag queens/kings performed and they were all so PEAK(I only got photos of the kings, all the other photos were bad😔). There was a thing at the end of it where they trailed a long rainbow flag through the street but we ended up leaving before that because it was raining. I got A LOT of free stuff and I’m so happy I got to experience at least one pride in my life(hopefully my mom doesn’t find my pride flag tho).

Token with a Kodak easyshare C183, edited my me

[meadowlark-madi]

documents of a lonely lesbian: entry - 5

Lowkey juys, I’m not that lonely. I have friends but not really a distinct group of friends that I hang out with.

Now, I know this might sound sad, but I’ve never had a friend group before. I have only had stand alone friends, but even then I never was someone’s first choice.

I want a friend group who likes me for who I am and will always include me and will see me as part of the group instead of someone they have to be friends with because they pity me. I really long for that, a group of people where we can have long talks, have sleepovers, do something for each of our birthdays, explore abandoned places together, enjoy each other company, and have playful banter with each other.

Making friends was never easy for me. It was especially hard when I moved states(sc to fl) and had to start over at a new school. For my 7th grade year I basically had no friends because I didn’t know how to make them. It was pretty normal for me because I was used to being alone. Was I happy: yes, because that’s what’s normal to me. That’s what I got used to.

Looking back, I know that I am most likely the problem. I’m shy and I don’t know how to hold a conversation well with people I don’t know. I have a lot of problems I have to handle to make myself a better friend like for example: I have a problem where I tend to talk about myself a lot, especially when talking to others. It’s one of my biggest issues that i have to overcome.

Now that I’m older and am about to starting my freshman year of high school next year, I really want to put my self out there and make friends. I always say that every year, but this time I mean it. I am not going to be a loner. Things don’t come to you magically unless you try and put in the effort.

[meadowlark-madi]

dates I would take my future girlfriend on

Go to a Local Art gallery

Have a picnic at sun set

Build Legos together

Draw at the park

Make ocs together

bracelet making

State/local fair

Look at the stars at night

Burning a cd of our favorite songs

Arcade

Jewelry makeing

Aquarium date

Pick out books to read at the public library/book store

[meadowlark-madi]

-PHOTODUMP-

Like a month ago, I modded my old 3Ds because I saw videos of tomodachi life and I REALLY wanted to play it. I had some knowledge of the game because of Laurenzside’s old series about it. I’ve been adding mostly my ocs, celebrities, and characters from shows and musicals! It’s been really fun and I enjoyed playing the game, but I REALLY want the new one though😭✌️

[meadowlark-madi]

-PHOTO DUMP-

Yesterday I went on a field trip to the Dali museum. I thought it was so beautiful and nice to see all of the art work from Dali. He’s a surrealist artist and getting up to see his works up close and learning about him really made me a fan of his. Little side note, but I thought that his wife, Gala Dali, was such a diva. I took a bunch of pictures when I was there, but these are some of my favorites 🫰.

token on a Kodak EasyShare C183

[forsapphics]

I HOPE EVERY LESBIAN HAS A GREAT DAY

[b6rntosdiee]

[meadowlark-madi]

documents of a lonely lesbian: doc 4

ok, something really confusing just happened today. so, my friend just texted me OUT OF THE BLUE and said that she liked me. I've have never had a girlfriend before, nor have i ever had someone like ME.

its so confusing because she said that she doesn't know if she likes me, but she said we should discuss it on Monday(its Saturday ). she wording the text in a weird way. she said what would i do if she said that she liked me more than a friend.

i don't really know if i like her back though. i mean, she's really pretty and we have some of the same interests, but i don't know if i want her for her or want her because i want a girlfriend. plus since were both in 8th grade and both going to different high schools, if we do become girlfriends, idk what would happen.

I'm still figuring out my feelings towards men, like i still don't know if i have romantic feeling towards them. i don't know what will happen between us, but if nothing happens, i hope we can still be friends because she's like one of three friends i have

[meadowlark-madi]

-ART-

I just finished this oc art trend and I love it SOO MUCH. I have been so oc brain rotted recently and I just love these little goofy guys. If you’re curious, their names are Angel(left) and Andrew(right)‼️

Art by meadowlark_madi

[meadowlark-madi]

Documents of a lonely lesbian: doc 3

this is probably going to be a shorter doc, mostly a vent post. Most of these thoughts don’t have a specific topic, just dumping all the random thoughts that have been in my head.

So I’ve just been very tired recently and I have know motivation to do anything. I think this week has just been a lot, especially with school, I haven’t gotten to do anything for myself or be creative at all and it’s left me a bit unmotivated.

The bathroom of my house is getting remodeled, so I’ve been showering outside. My stepdad made this makeshift shower with those big, thin slabs of wood with a shower curtain. I’ve been doing that for almost two weeks and of course it’s been windy, raining, and cold outside for all of the past week. I feel so dirty and tired because I haven’t token a real shower at all nor have I washed my hair decently. I’ve been washing it out side and then rinsing all the product off in the kitchen sink.

I know that people have it worse than me, but I am just so tired of it

Anyway, i am writing this at midnight, so if there are some mistakes or misspellings, I didn’t check over this before I posted it. I am so tired.

I’m going to bed now. Bye.

[floorxoxo]

[meadowlark-madi]

I love physical media‼️‼️

[meadowlark-madi]

-ART-

TW: blood

I got a new sketchbook yesterday and finally decided to draw in it. Here’s a little sketch of my sona/roblox avatar. I’m highkey proud of it😝✌️

Art by meadowlark_madi

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

reblog if you would never let ai write fanfics for you

[meadowlark-madi]

-PHOTODUMP-

yesterday i finally uploaded some of my photos on my mom's old digital camera that she gave me. i believe this is from the car ride back from south Carolina(my home state). this was probably a pit stop we made during the car ride back. i do really like how these photos turned out so yes. enjoy them!

token on a Kodak EasyShare C183

[tuckedinbugw]

Nothing like holding my love

[meadowlark-madi]

documents of a lonely lesbian: entry 2

Recently I’ve been getting into physical media And things like that. I also got a cd burner a week ago and I’ve burned one cd.

That cd is for my ocs Angel and Andrew, two guys who work together on Wall Street in 1987. I really love all the songs on the playlist because it’s a mix of show tunes and jazz, 2 of my favorite genres. I can also imagine scenarios in my head of the two for them when I listen to it.

Anyway, yesterday I got checked out of 7th period because my mom and brother went to get my field trip form to the Dali museum notarized or something at the front desk. They said that they needed to go to the library to do it. Since they were already at the school they decided to check me out.

After we did that, we went to a thrift store nearby. Now this thrift is so awesome and everything is so cheap. All except one of my cds are from there(and that’s my Chappell roan cd)

I have found so many good cds there like my “Ella At Zardis”cd, my “kiss of the spider woman” cd, and a “buena vista social club” cd with the little booklet and the sleeve that came with it.

Recently, they’re have been some blank cds that were there too and since I have a cd burner I obviously bought some.

With this thrift store, they have a thing that they do where one dvd/cd is 25 cents, but you can buy 5 cds/dvd for a dollar. In that stack of things, I got 11 blank cd for $2.25😮✌️. I also found a collectors edition west side story dvd, which I bought too, and I found a really cool and colorful collared shirt with stripes. In total I got all of that for $5.50.

Also, going back to when I was at the library, I saw a book that I really wanted to read. It’s called “she drives me crazy” or something like that and I know that book is about lesbians. It really inspired me to apply for a library card. It seems like it’s worth it and it’s free.

So anyway, I hope this inspires you to take the time to appreciate physical media and maybe try to get of your phone for a bit and I don’t know, go to your public library and see what up.

[sourdough-seal]

i know so so so so so many words. until it’s time to think of a title for the story. then I know 2 and a half

[meadowlark-madi]

Son this so me. I can’t name any of my oc stories ✌️😔