#abstak

[hrtiu]

Ok I’ve been making steady but very slow progress writing recently, so to help motivate me I’m going to post a snippet of something I wrote that day every day.

Dun-colored tents stretched in every direction, and men in uniform seemed to stare back at Guiying down every street, behind every tent flap, and around every corner. The camp was much larger in the harsh light of day--larger than the entire Muke Valley, larger than Whispering Falls, and larger than Mu Guiying and her small, insignificant life.

[ta-na-okraji-spolecnosti-blog]

#122

* Abstinenční příznaky *

Lidi nikdy neberte antidepresiva, nikdy neberte ... drogy. Protože ačkoli jsem nikdy drogy nebrala, vysazování tohohle svinstva mi jako drogový absťák připadá. O čem je řeč?  O benzodiazepinech a současně antiepileptikách, konkrétně pregabalin neboli jinak lyrica, která má potlačovat úzkostné stavy a zároveň má být údajně nenávyková! Buď nám lékaři lžou nebo jsem prostě jen sněhová vločka.

Často teď v různých stavech přemýšlím o tom, zda by nebylo lepší tohle svinstvo nikdy nezačít brát.  Bude líp?

[hrtiu]

Ok, so I’ve been working on this novel for about five years now. I can see what I have to do to finish but it’s stretching out so far in front of me. It feels like I’ve hit the wall in a marathon. I just hope I’ll be able to push through, but it’s hard with so many other priorities to balance.

Anyway here’s a snippet of something I wrote yesterday. I’m maybe halfway through the bulk of this round of revisions. It’s a pretty hefty chunk of the middle section I need to rewrite.

“Zongbao wasn’t a cruel man. He took no pleasure in deceiving Mu Guiying, didn’t enjoy putting on a lovestruck expression and holding her hand. But every time he doubted his course, he thought about what would have happened if his army had arrived at Muke Fortress with him still captive inside--imagined the protracted and bloody siege that likely would have ensured. Yes, the ruse was beneath him. Yes, it made him feel like the worst kind of fraud. But it was the smoothest path forward--the seam of fat in the meat that would let his knife slip easily through.”

[nhadiyati]

11.30

There are many bonds other than friendship. Bonds that we don’t understand. , that we don’t need to understand. Bonds that are nameless, that are just to be experienced. Bonds that don’t have anyboundaries ,no limits. Bonds that bind the hearts together. Bonds of passion. Bonds of love 

Ketika bercerita tentangmu ternyata banyak yang aku tidak mengerti. Aku tidak mengerti mulai dari siapakamu, semua waktu yang membuat kita bertemu entah direncana ataupun tidak, bagaimana yang asing jadi bersanding, berbagi kemudian tak peduli, butuh jadi acuh, diskusi berubah jadi perbedebatan kusir atau pada bagian bisa menyakiti satu sama lain kemudian memaafkan. Aku bahkan tak mengerti apa cara yang menyebapkan semua tawa dan air mata mengudara, bagaimana hidupku jungkir balik ibarat semua gravitasi yang menahan jejakku dibumi terpusat satu titik dan aku beku lalu enggan mengakuinya, yang tersisa menurutku hanya rindu dalam menunggu dan Aku mulai mencintaimu dengan cara yang mengerikan yang itu bukan mauku dan kurasa kedatanganmu yang patut disalahkan. Apa mungkin semuanya memang tidak untuk aku mengerti tapi harus kuperbaiki agar ada ridho dari yang hakiki