Survivor of emotional abuse & relapse trying to recover — seeking support to rebuild
Hi everyone,
My name is Jevon, and I’m reaching out in one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. I’m trying to rebuild after surviving a toxic and emotionally abusive two-year relationship that left me mentally, emotionally, and financially devastated.
At the time, I had over 10 years of sobriety, a steady job, and solid mental health. Over the course of that relationship, I was manipulated and gaslit by my ex and her family. I was making weekly trips between cities to help with childcare, paid for everything, and took on responsibilities I never expected — all out of what I thought was love.
I witnessed things that no one should have to — including disturbing behavior toward the child in the home — and tried to keep it all together. But eventually, I lost myself. I relapsed. I spent over $30,000 trying to keep the relationship and that household afloat. Then came false accusations — meant to destroy me — and while no charges or reports ever came of them, the damage was real.
I checked into rehab. I entered therapy. I got sober again and now have a new job — but I’m still drowning in debt and trying to rebuild my mental, emotional, and financial stability.
I created a GoFundMe to help me get back on my feet. If you’re able to donate, share, or even just read my story — it truly means the world to me.
👉 GoFundMe link: https://gofund.me/2efdbbaf2
Thank you for taking the time to read. Your kindness and compassion are deeply appreciated.
It Attracts A Lot Of Attention. Narcs Need Attention Far More Than Most People And Will Use Almost Anything To Get It Even Children And What Better Way Is There To Get Everyone’s Attention? Narcs Are Impulsive And Don’t Think Through Consequences So They’re Often Blind As To How Big A Commitment Children Are, Preferring To Focus On The Adulation Instead. Narcs Know That Word Travels Fast And If They Have An Ex They Want To Get At, They Might Have Children Just To Hurt Them. Especially If They Know That They Wanted Children Themselves. That’s How Petty They Can Be.
Narcs Hate Being Single And Certainly Don’t Welcome Someone Dumping Them. That’s Their Job So They Use Children As Insurance. Narcs Know That It’s More Difficult To Leave Them If They Share Children. Because Their Partners, Who Are Usually Empathic, Think Of Their Children’s Needs Before Their Own And Although May Be Unhappy In Their Relationship, Stay To Keep The Family Together. With Children In The Equation, It’s A Whole Different Ball Game. Because A Split Affects Them More Than The Couple And Many People Don’t Want To Be Responsible For Tearing A Child’s Family Apart. So They’re More Likely To Stay With The Narc Even If They’re Unhappy.
Increasing The Pressure To Stay In The Relationship Allows The Narc To Treat Their Partners Worse And Get Away With It. Narcs Learn How Far They Can Push Their Partners, Without Quite Pushing Them Away. They Learn Their Breaking Point And Push Them Just Bellow That Point. This Allows Them To Take As Much As They Can, Yet Keep Them Around So They Can Take Some More, Giving Them The Most Bang For Their Buck. The Breaking Point Is Likely To Be Much Higher When Children Are Involved Because No Right Minded Person Would Split A Family Over A “Minor Incident”, Which Narcs Are Experts At Making Them Seem. So The Bar Is Raised As To What Behaviours Would Spell An End To The Relationship, Allowing The Narcs To Get Away With More.
Even If The Relationship Ends, Children Still Play A Useful Role For The Narc. Because For 18 Years, The Narc Has Access To Their Former Partner And They Have The Law On Their Side. They Can Disappear And Do What They Want. Then When Things Turn Sour, Come Marching Back “For The Sake Of The Children". Narcs Don’t Particularly Care About Seeing Their Children. Which Is Why They Often Have Long Absences From Them, But They’re A Great Tool To Use To Get Their Feet Back Under The Table. Most Well Meaning Parents Won’t Deny Their Children Seeing The Other Parent. Even If They’ve Disappeared For A While. This Allows The Narc To Dip In And Out Of Their Life. And Work Their Charm If They Want Some Action. If The Narc Has Children With More Than One Partner, Then It’s Party Time. Because They Can Flit Between Several Peoples Lives. And When They Grow Bored, Discard Them And Move To Another.
Narcs See Their Children As Extensions Of Themselves And Some Want Children So They Can Live Through Them And Push Them To Accomplish What They Never Did. So They May Push Their Children To Become Doctors, Lawyers, Actors, Singers, Etc. Regardless Of What The Child Wants For Themselves And This Can Cause Problems Later In Life. It Can Be Like Fitting A Square Peg Into A Round Hole. People Need To Find Their Own Way, Based On Their Own Strengths, Weaknesses And Interests, But The Narc Is Too Focused On Their Own Ambitions To Consider This And Relentlessly Push Their Own Agenda.
The Narc Usually Takes Credit For Any Success The Child Has And Claims It’s Their Genes And Good Parenting That’s Responsible. To Outsiders They May Seem Like A Proud Parent, But The Only Pride They Really Have Is In Themselves. They See Children As A Boost To Their Profile. Because In Their Mind It Shows How Virile And Desirable They Are. Some Narcs See Children As A Numbers Game. The More They Have, The Greater They Must Be. So They Try To Have As Many Children As Possible, Despite Being Absent Parents.
Narcs Don’t Usually Have Strong Parental Instincts, So They Leave Most Of The Parenting To Their Partners And This Works Out Great For Them. Narcs Like To Saddle Their Partners With Children Because It Keeps Them Under Lock And Key. The Narc Knows That Their Partner Has Little Freedom When They’re Almost Solely Responsible For The Children And It Keeps Them Safely Tucked Away At Home Whilst They Swan Around Without A Care In The World. Parenting Is Draining And Narcs Like To Play The Energy Game With Their Partners. This Is Where They Tire Them Out Whilst Preserving Their Own Energy. This Allows Them To Dominate Their Fatigued Partner Because They Have Less Mental And Physical Strength To Fight Back.
Although Narcs Do Little Actual Parenting, The Outside World Doesn’t Know This And The Narc Talks A Good Game To Friends, Family And Co-workers, Creating The Impression They’re Doting Parents And Normal Functioning Members Of Society. Narcs Hide Behind A Family Persona To Disguise Their Dysfunctional Ways And It Can Work Wonders For Their Image And Reputation. Narcs Love People Thinking Highly Of Them. It’s An Ego Boost For One And It Also Helps Them Gain Attention And Favours Because People Are More Willing To Trust And Spend Time With People Who Are High Functioning. Narcs See Everyone Around As An Extension Of Themselves Rather Than As Separate Individuals. This Includes Their Own Children.
There Are Several Mistakes The Narc Parent Is Certain To Make During Their Counter-Parenting Journey. These Mistakes Will Undoubtedly Come Back To Haunt Them, Possibly Years Down The Line. Narcs Are So Self-absorbed They Fail To Stop And Consider That Children Eventually Grow Up And See The Damaging Behaviour With Their Own Eyes. Their Children Are Not Immune From Being At The Receiving End Of The Narc's Cycle Of ‘idealise And Devalue’, Where They Are Alternately Lovebombed, (Showered With Praise And Attention), And Then Subtly Devalued, Criticised, Withdrawn From And Put Down. This Leaves Them Confused And Hurt, And They Start Jumping Through Hoops To Please The Parent Enough To Re-Enter The Idealization Phase Again. This Is A Cycle That Repeats Ad Infinitum, Over And Over Again, Even When The Child Becomes An Adult Themselves.
Narcs' Children Will Be Triangulated And Played Off Against Others (Often Their Own Siblings Or Cousins), And Will Find Themselves Vying For The Narc’s Attention. They Will Be Gaslighted/Lied To By The Narc To The Point Where They Their Own Reality Is Dismissed As False, So That They Stop Trusting Their Own Perceptions Of Reality. They Will Be Demeaned And Shamed. If They Are Particularly Good At Something, Behind Closed Doors They May Find Themselves On The Receiving End Of The Narc Parent’s Jealously. Confusingly, The Narc May Then, In Front Of An Audience, Hold Up Their Child’s Talent As A Source Of Pride, As Just Another Way To Gain Positive Attention For Themselves.
It’s Not Surprising That Narcs Want Children For Selfish Reasons. Everything Else In Their Life Revolves Around Them, So Why Should This Be Any Different? But It’s Easy For Their Partners To Be Fooled Into Thinking That They Want Them For The Right Reasons, Especially When The Narcissist Knows What To Say. Narcs May Talk Romantically About How Children Will Bring Them Closer And How Much Joy They’ll Bring, Which Is All Very Appealing, But When The Children Arrive, The Harsh Reality Kicks In. The Narc Becomes More Narc Because They Can Get Away With It And Spends Little Time And Energy On Their Children Because They’re Still Hyper Focused On Themselves. Despite All The Promises They Made, The Sad Truth Is That Even With Children, Narcs Want Everything To Revolve Around Them And They’re Happy To Take The Focus Away From Their Children Because Deep Down, They’re Big Kids Themselves.
In Short, And To Put It Bluntly, Narcs Do Not Have What It Takes To Be Good Parents. They Cannot Put Another’s Needs First.
!!! T.W.: physical abuse by parent, emotional abuse by both parents, A/B/O dynamics, language, hurt and comfort. insecure reader, reader needs a hug from her Alphas, Polyamory.
Part 1: A Rock and Hard places
A/N: Y/N’s parents names are Annie and Joseph
This was a horribly bad idea. But Gods you needed them. They were everything to you. And in truth, you were everything to them and more. You seethed at the thought of not being completely theirs. Being stuck inside this limbo, this constant back and forth. You were the only Omega living in the compound that was unclaimed. You were a tennis ball and the rackets were your parents' house and the Avengers Compound. But ever since your father had that foundation shaking car accident on his commute to work when you were in your senior year of high school, you felt obligated, dutiful as you are the only child they had. Your parents were not the typical dynamic couple. Your mother is an Alpha and your father is a Beta. The accident left him wheelchair bound and your tiny family of three financially crippled. For five months you'd follow the pattern of going to school, coming home, doing whatever you could in the house as chores, homework that needed your immediate attention, Mom calling you out from the house to visit Dad a hour away in the hospital. He didn't look the same at all. He was this swollen monster hooked up to numerous machines, all equipped with their own monotonic melodies.
Your friends from highschool barely knew, you'd put your emotional mask on the moment you would spot them walking to the bus stop in the morning. Soft giggles, smiles, and inside jokes is what you armed yourself with. You couldn't let the storm break through, you could never tell them about your dad. About how he'd had a seizure the night before but came out of it okay. About how he cried and said he was sorry when he woke up. About how you had to be strong for your mother too. Your friends didn't need that, they didn't want that kind of drama put onto them. The only drama they knew about was how the cliques did or didn't get together to form alliances to defeat the Preppy bitches or whomever was dumb enough to fuck with the little guys. You surprised yourself by passing even if it was just barely. You'd graduated and it didn't even feel right. You'd felt cheated by fate. You remember one night during choir in highscool, your last performance, looking into the crowd to see if they'd showed up and weeping when you didn't find their faces. That stinging pain in your chest and eyes watered over when you heard your choirmates wave to their family members attending. You should have gotten a clue then, that, something wasn't alright with your parents and that you deserved better.
But that was a million light years away from what was happening now. You never knew you'd be joining the company of THE AVENGERS. If anything in your life went right, it was that. And you were grateful for the opportunity to be with them. They felt like a breath of fresh air, more so like you were breathing for the first time. You found great friendship in Wanda and were more closed off to Nat, but warmed up to her eventually. You weren't a tomboy and weren't a girly girl either. Rather you found yourself in the middle. You'd gotten there from one of your days out grocery shopping. Wanda was the one who'd recruited you, having a freak accident with a bicycle paperboy and a Mack truck almost happen before your eyes. You did it like normal, a reflex in both muscle and thought. Seeing it just about to collide in front of you, bringing your arms forward and flashing your fingers outward, like magic it had stopped.
Your arms still full with grocery bags, you had to act fast, after all you only had 45 seconds and the clock was ticking. You weren't even sure you had the strength. Ten seconds gone. You grab the Paperboy's arms and tug, working against the stillness of your powers and the gravity weighing him down. Ten more seconds gone. You wished you'd paid more attention in gym class as you tugged budging him just enough. This time giving it all you had, you heaved and, in the knick of time saved him. The Mack truck whooshing by as if nothing would have happened. The paperboy was wildly angry with you, not the praise you'd expected from saving the gentleman. You could pause time momentarily. Wanda came up to you and gave you her number. By nighttime you were invited to a Tony Stark gala.
That’s right, the fucking Tony Stark wanted to see you, just some Omega treading water in New York City. You were surprised your mother even let you go, but in hindsight you figured she couldn’t pass up the chance to have her Omega daughter be seen and scented in a superhero Alpha den like the Avengers Tower. She’d used you to tell all her co-workers that you went to a Stark gala just to advance her Alpha ego. Your relationship with your mother was beyond fractured. poisoned from the word go.
Having a birth mother be an Alpha was pretty rare. you were born too early as a result. Her own Alpha hormones saw you as a threat, tried to attack you from within the womb. the both of you were essentially killing each other. She almost lost her life when you were born. and you were left with severely scarred lungs. You were born at 26 weeks. An impossibly tiny baby girl clinging to life, weighing only 1 pound and 5 ounces. You stayed in the NICU for the first three months of your life. Steve and Bucky, your Alphas said you were born a fighter. But you didn’t see it.
They were your rocks, they made you so happy. if it was up to you, you would have been claimed by them by now, but both your perfect Alphas, were traditionalists. You couldn't blame them for that nature, not only were they Alphas, but they were both from the 40s. After all that’s why you were here back at home, to take care of your father and to ask for their permission to be claimed by Steve Rogers and James Barnes. Steve was one of the most esteemed Alphas in history but your other Alpha, the scarred one, Bucky that’s what you thought your parents would have trouble with. This is going to be a disaster, they’d never say yes to you being claimed by Bucky. Sure he was an Alpha and by today’s standards polyamorous relationships have been more widely accepted.
You were so afraid of what your parents might think about his reputation as the Winter Soldier, you wept by yourself in your room for it. You loved him so much there was no way you could think of a future without him. Not without both your Alphas by your side, together for the rest of your years. You wanted that so bad, and you wanted to have their pups. They’d be such great Alpha Dads. But that felt like a fucking pipedream. It took everything you had to be here and say those words to them tonight. To ask permission like a good, docile, Omega that you were raised to be.
Dinner was finished and you decided it was now or never, your palms clammy and your throat dry. You took a sip of water, chills traveling at lightning speed up and down your spine. Your Mom noticed this and didn’t let it slink past her. She was an Alpha after all.
“You reek of nervousness, Y/N. What’s on your mind?” she asked. You cleared your throat as your father perked up, staring at you with a curious intrigue. You tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, you found yourself choking on your words. they were stuck inside your throat. You averted eye contact. A growl came from across the dinner table, a primal sign forcing you to spit out your words.
“I-I wanted to ask your permission. to be, um. To be c-c-claimed by Steve Rogers, a-a-an-and B-B-Bucky Barnes.” you struggled to force the words out. Your mother’s eyebrows raised at Steve’s name but clenched together at the mention of Bucky’s. You fucking knew it. You knew this was a bad idea. you almost broke then and there.
but you had no time to sort out your emotions. And they spoke to each other as if you weren’t in the room. Only acknowledging your presence periodically to answer their questions.
Annie: "I've never seen her work hard for anything."
Joseph: "You're running into a trainwreck"
Annie: "What? What the fuck is wrong with you, Y/N? That's not natural, she has to pick one. Joseph she is like this because you always let her get away with shit!!"
Joseph: "Like hell Annie, maybe if you would have let her hang out with her friends more often she wouldn't act out by falling for bad boys."
Annie: "He's a criminal Joseph! She fell in love with a stone cold murderer!"
Annie: "God how are they gonna get any money? Or- or health insurance?! You know what kind of meager wages they make." Annie claps her hand to her face gasping in silent realization," oh my god, are you pregnant? Is that why you're doing this? A super soldier's pup?! Jesus I thought we taught you better than that!"
You: "What? No, I'm not pregnant. But why would it matter if I was? Steve and Bucky, they--"
Annie: " they what? Love you? I knew you were stupid but not that stupid."
Joseph: "Look sweetheart, we care about you. You've still got time to make a decision. At least you're not pregnant. We all know how your aunt Rhonda turned out. You wouldn't survive in the streets, hungry, alone, and ready to pop like a balloon. We don't want that for you."
You: "They'd never abandon me like that. We've never had an argument and they'd never hit me. Not in a million years."
Joseph: "Never had an argument? Y/N, You're stuck in a fairytale, sweetheart. That can't be real. It won't last"
Annie: "You need to go back to school! Quit keeping your head in the clouds with them. How long have you even known them?"
You: "three years is long enough, Mom." your voice was so quiet, any amount of hope you had mustered up before was being shattered.
Annie: " yet you've never lived with them? What's the longest amount of time you've spent with them?"
You: " there was a couple times I was able to spend the weekend with them alone. Mom, they're always busy. They save the-- no. We save the world from countless bad people. You have no idea what kind of stress we have to deal with."
Annie- scoffs "Stress? You want to talk about stress? The neighborhood wouldn't give us the time of day because of you! I worked so hard to get you to learn but nothing ever stuck! I can't believe I gave birth to such a retarded abomination! You've always been a freak! Y/N! I had a job at 14. 14! You're 26 and you're frolicking around with, Superheroes?! Get a fucking life! I had to take care of you because you were always sick! Working dead beat jobs just to put food in your mouth and clothes on your back and medicine in your system because your too feeble. You can't handle that. The real world is gonna chew you up and spit you out buttercup! Look at me when I'm talking to you!!"
Annie slaps you across the cheek and your glasses go flying across the room. She grabs your hair tightly and close to the root slapping your face continuously. You are crying uncontrollably you don't notice your lip is busted and bleeding. You have to pause the situation. You do, and you run out of that place, didn’t think about going back to grab your shoes. Your phone was in your pocket and you tugged it out into your palm shaking.
You couldn’t bring yourself to dial Steve or Bucky’s numbers, you couldn’t believe what had just happened, but part of you knew it would end like this. Your mom has been abusing you off and on since you presented as an Omega at 13. you had no idea why she treated you so bad. Aren’t Alphas supposed to protect Omegas? It was snowing outside and all you had on your feet was a pair of socks.
You followed the sidewalks of blocks until you found the Avengers Compound just outside the main part of the city resting near the river. You felt like a broken phantom of yourself. A shell lost in space. Nat opened the door and you couldn’t bring yourself to make eye contact.
She immediately noticed your busted lip and bruises starting to form on your jawline. Her scent was mildly comforting since Nat was an Alpha too but you needed your Alphas. Nat brought you into the compound.
“Y/N? What happened? Where are your glasses? Your shoes? Who did this to you?” She crouched down, peering up at you as tears started to form on your features. Your teeth chattered wildly, frigid from exposure to the elements.
You started to hyperventilate and thought you might pass out. You needed Steve and Bucky right now. Experiencing this kind of trauma without the support of your Alphas, could be deadly. Nat knew this and yelled out for them. You’re sure your distressed scent had wafted through the entire complex by now. Most of the avengers were in the living room, keeping their distance. no one wanted a fight to break out with you in such rough shape and your Alphas seeing you like this.
You heard their heavy footsteps but couldn’t bring yourself to look at them. Steve’s scent hit your nose first, Musk and the kind of smell you associated with an Irish Pub. His hand went straight to your own. Nat left to get some blankets.
“Omega-Darling? Baby Girl, Who did this?” Steve tried to get you to speak but you were still lost. Bucky made it to you last, staring at you from the threshold of the hallway, his features shocked and confused.
Bucky walked up to you, his hand cradling your cheek very gently. He’d had more than enough experience of being out-of-it, so he could pull you out better than Steve. Bucky gingerly dragged your nose to his scent gland, on his neck, purring to calm you. He smelled like cedar and forest rains.
“Doll?” he uttered and that was enough to break you. Your knees gave out and Bucky caught you, cradling you tight to his chest. You sobbed and wailed like a defeated animal. Steve stood in shock, anger brewing and bubbling beneath the surface. Nat returned with the blankets, fresh and unscented by anyone. She got too close however and Steve snapped at her. growling possessively and even his claws came to the surface.
“Back off, Nat. She’s our Omega. We take care of her.” he warned ending his sentence with a firm growl.
“Shhh. Shhh. Hey. It’s alright, ‘Mega. We’re here. Both your Alphas are here.” Bucky cooed as he took you down the hallway. Steve followed close behind. You needed the safety of your nest and your Alphas. Bucky sat on the bed cradling you in his chest, continuing to purr until you stopped crying. Steve scented blankets and draped them over your shivering form, grabbing your hand and stroking it gently with his thumb. Steve too was on the bed, as close as he could get to you and Bucky.
it was an hour before you could regain some sense about you. Steve perked up, noticing something change in your features.
“Alphas?” you questioned. Steve let out a gasp of relief, smiling bittersweetly. Happy to see his Omega back.
“They said no, Alphas. They said no. M-Mom was so angry. She hit me. I just wanna be a good Omega. I just wanna be a good Omega.” you were starting to lose yourself again.
Steve leaned in and began fervently kissing and licking your scent gland, where he was supposed to put his claim. “Their opinion doesn’t matter. they hurt you. We’ll make it all better my sweet Darling Omega.” preened your Cap.
“You’re an amazing Omega, Y/N.” Bucky said softly.
“You don’t mean that.” you choked out feeling so insecure in that moment.
“Yes you are Baby Girl. You’re the best Omega we could hope for. We love you so much.” Cap continued his encouragement.
“I love you too. Both of you. I can’t live without you...Alphas? Do you mind if we stay like this for a while?” you asked.
“Of course,” your Alphas replied in unison. You knew you’d have to tell them every detail. but you were drained and didn’t have the mental stamina left. You just drowned in their beautiful scents and fell fast asleep in your nest, with them watching over you. They’d protect you, they’d keep you safe, and that was all that mattered.
Absolutely. If you need to stand on top of someone else to be taller, there's something wrong with you. . . . . #abuserecovery #abusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabuse https://www.instagram.com/p/CXwZVdrv2vb/?utm_medium=tumblr
Telling someone that you should forgive an abuser is “re-traumatizing” a person’s experience. Please be mindful of this. What feels right for one person may not feel right for another person. People at different paces, rates, amounts, with different people, and different times. Be authentic to what feels right for you. #abusesurvivor #abuseawareness #abuserecovery #narcissisticabuse #toxicfamily #toxicpeople #toxicpositivity #recovery #therapy #support https://www.instagram.com/p/CVGNEkwgM0f/?utm_medium=tumblr
It honestly breaks my heart…Cops and Judges not taking this domestic violence case seriously by joking with my abuser. He even kept his jobs. Does anybody have morals?? #standupfordomesticviolence #abusesurvivor #victimblaming #domesticviolence #thisisserious https://www.instagram.com/p/CSfMhX9lZAeffbaEnAGa9jhrh9V_7JxadvBrPY0/?utm_medium=tumblr
