#acutally borderline

[fuck---00ff]

01.07.2021

I’m manipulative, a bitch and addicted to substances.

[gedankenvonniemanden]

5.feb.22 23:40

To admit that you are an addict is hard. Because you thought you are strong enough, but the addiction is stronger. I have to be strong, because this life style would kill me in the future.. the drugs are destroying my life for over 10 years now.. I need to get clean and to work on my mental health.

I am mentally ill and an addict, and this i a fucking dangerous combination.

I have to delete all my social media, and I have to try to focus on my self, my hobbies and work.

Now the change have to start.

[hypercurly]

BPD Careers

One of the best careers for borderline is. . .teaching!!!

Hear me out!

Once you get control of it:

-You can empathize with every single child

-You can make every child feel SO loved and cared for

-You can be absolutely calm in the face of the WILDEST and SCARIEST situations

-You’re so good at problem solving it leaves everyone in awe

-You get love and hugs every day (I get about 40 meaningful hugs from the time I walk into the building to the time I start teaching)

-You get to feel meaningful and useful

-Too busy to angst about everything

-Too sleepy to angst about anything

-Meet LOTS of cool people in non-scary environments who will think you’re the bees knees (seriously)

- You learn to look at yourself objectively

- You realize you actually are the shit

- You feel like you actually are the shit

- You fuckin heal

- And you can help kids to be happy!!

[thishellbrainofmine]

Me: Hell yeah, about to interview for a full time salaried position in the field I got my degree in.

*interview starts*

BPD: Hey :3

Me: Can you not?

BPD: Can I not... let this feel real?

Me: *starts to answer technical question*

BPD: Time to DISSOCIATE

[bpd-diary-confessions]

Dear Diary 88

So unhappily sad.

Drill me into the ground already and give me a handful of cigarettes

[thishellbrainofmine]

Girl: I think you're pretty handsome, here's my number

Me: Okay, cool!

*text/snap back and forth for a couple days*

Girl: I really like talking to you and I feel really comfortable with you!

Me: *suddenly* Oh... oh fuck no.

BPD: OH FUCK YES, DID SOMEONE SAY MASSIVE CRUSH, ATTACHMENT, AND NEW FP? FUCK YES THEY DID

Me: I... I really didn't though.

BPD: YEAH OKAY SURE PALL, HERE HAVE SOME MORE INAPPROPRIATELY STRONG EMOTIONS.

Me: *texting crush* I can be a little overbearing sometimes, so let me know if I am and feel free to set boundaries they really help.

Girl: Okay! Don't worry I'm really outspoken.

Me & Girl: *goes on first date, very normal. I didn't make any big gestures or try and get super romantic etc.*

Girl: Had a great time tonight, it made my week!

Girl: *doesn't text me for 3 days after first date, despite texting every day for 3 weeks straight after meeting me* I need to talk to you.

Me: *Been here before, please tell me how I'm too much* Yeah?

Girl: You're too much and I hope you find someone who feels as strongly as you do.

Me: *I LITERALLY WARNED YOU AND TOLD YOU TO SET UP BOUNDARIES. AND FUCK NO, I'VE DATED A BORDERLINE BEFORE; IT WAS LIKE TWO BLACK HOLES COLLIDING, I'VE NEVER EXPERIENCED SOMETHING SO INTENSE BEFORE IN MY LIFE... I LITERALLY ENDED UP ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY WITH HER AND IT FUCKED MY WHOLE LIFE UP* That's, unfortunate. Well, I hope you find someone that will cherish you and I hope I find someone who will tolerate me.

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Although if a special ed teacher with an absolute heart of gold can't deal with me, I'm pretty much fucked.