does anyone else deal with these things? I don't know if it's escalating to a different level, or if it's something else within... it's just really getting too overwhelming.
Incredibly sad to the point where it physically hurts, crying a lot
Suicidal ideation and wanting to die every day
Feeling helpless and at the mercy of growing old and having to put up with this forever
Hating everyone and everything so much that i can’t stand living
The glands in my throat are swollen all the time from feeling sad and crying (they hurt)
High intensity - feel like my neck and shoulders are so compact and tight with energy that I could get a headache. Sometimes it feels like my blood changes temperature and my eyes go black
Can be set off by big things
Example: relationship issues, or dealing with humans/friends
Example: dirty environments and housemates not cleaning, so i have to do everything to feel comfortable walking barefoot at home
Example: conversational tone
Can be set off by small/irrelevant things
Example 1: being in a tight environment (tight spaces where people get in the way or i myself get in the way because of the furniture), tripping over or bumping into walls or whatever
Example 2: sounds and textures
Sound examples: saliva (really gets into my brain nerves), wet shoes on floor, breathing, housemates footsteps, temperature (hot days) and internal textures (i.e. bloat), loud noises on the road, loud noises in general (not music - unless i can’t hear what customers are saying over the bands), gentle quiet noises,
Example 3: wanting to do something immediately in that moment so it’s done, but can’t because it’s relying on something else or someone else → calling someone back but they don’t answer
If i trip over my words, or feel my sentences are too long
Ends up with me hating myself and thinking i’m completely useless and void of having any real life
Makes me want to beat everyone at the game and be the best, but it’s so intense and hot that it doesn’t last because i’m immediately sad again
Incredibly low self-esteem – makes me want to stop eating all the time and when I can’t do it, I feel even worse
Doesn’t last for a long time
Very intense and tied in with anger when I can’t execute tasks at a certain time or place due to restrictions
Example 1: I feel inspired to write a song or learn a song, but can’t because I’m not at home, or when I am home, housemates are sleeping or I feel uncomfortable making sound, or my room is too small and things are in the way. → I start to feel incredibly angry and frustrated and then either push through or give up.
Related to music or creative desire usually
Driving and being on the road - feeling like my eyes don’t move fast enough and i’m living in a visual blur all the time - i don’t trust my brain and eyes
That i’ll be living until i’m old
When i get too stressed or too many things are happening
Able to get on with the day, do some cleaning and laundry
Pace myself with practice and leisure
Can function pretty nicely
titsay
jbbartram-illu
izzy806
2087
germansingergirl
baratheonpilled
yousharknotpass
