I love Izutsumi dungeon meshi sm.
Like she's a catgirl so obv she was always going to instantly become my favorite character, but also I just relate to her a lot I think. It helps that she looks a lot like me irl but also it's deeper than that, and it's also a little odd because I think I relate her to my past far more than my present.
Like is it weird that this catgirl is actually just straight up replacing my memories of my pre transition self?
I hate past me bc they were a miserable bitch who was kinda a jerk to everyone, but now instead I just imagine past me as Izutsumi instead and I feel so much better about myself.
Like, yea she's immature and rude but it's just because because she's young and a little stupid, and so few people have tried to engage with her on an emotional level with compassion, and tried to understand her personal needs and idiosyncrasies.
And she hides because she's been taught to hide. She got given a name that pleased someone else instead of her, no ones ever really wanted her to be herself.
She lashes out at affection but it's because she doesn't know how to communicate her boundaries or advocate for herself yet, but deep down she still craves it like anyone else, maybe even more than most. She's not trying to be mean, she doesn't actually want to be like that, she's just scared and overwhelmed with the world and doesn't want to admit that she doesn't know how to do anything else.
Plus like, she's just a cat.
You can't honestly stay mad at a cat. They lash out sometimes yeah, they bite you, they scratch you, they hide from you, they built different from you, they got different needs and boundaries, and you'll get bit even more if you don't respect it, but like, they just do that, and you don't even need to understand why to know that they aren't any less worthy of love for being like that. You just do anyways, because just intuitively you already know deep down that all cats deserve love.
Like, honestly it's let me come to terms with my past and be so much gentler with myself for my failures. It softens the scorn I have for myself with all my childhood memories because I don't see that miserable little boy being a jerk anymore, I see this young catgirl who's trying her best but still just struggling with the lack of validation and understanding she's received, who still deserves that love and acceptance not just in spite of her angsty reactions, but *because* of them.
Not to mention how gender affirming it is to have someone else to imagine instead of myself. Like it helps a lot I think, because I get to see my past self for who she was on the inside all along instead of what others decided I was based on how they interpreted what they saw at my surface.
That boy in my memories doesn't exist to me anymore I think, it doesn't benefit me to keep that interpretation of me alive, and Izutsumi is the perfect replacement for him I think. In my mind I'll have always just been a catgirl like I am today.
And all cats deserve love.