EOS Bonus/Deleted Scene: Fowler’s Worst Form This Month
So here's a scene that should be taking place after the last chapter, link to it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/70866966/chapters/220042296
I couldn't really find where to put this in without making everything feel clunky or grind everything to a halt. But at the same time, I thought this was funny and had some good character work involved I didn't want it to just disappear in the ether so I gave it an extra little polish and here it is.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
The email hit Agent Fowler’s inbox at 06:14, right in that narrow stretch of morning where the coffee was hot, the building was quiet, and he could still pretend the day might behave itself. Knowing the direction his life had taken, that was a long shot even at the best of times, but he could still hope.
He barely even looked at the subject line.
REQUISITION REQUEST - FOR REVIEW
Which, in fairness, was normal. Annoying, but normal.
At this point, a ‘Requisition Request’ from the Autobots usually meant something irritating but predictable. Another bulk order of replacement window glass for vehicle modes, since apparently fighting Decepticons came with a truly absurd windshield casualty rate. Specialized sealants or industrial-grade cleaners that wouldn’t be available at your standard autoshop. Once, bafflingly, six different types of adhesive because Wheeljack, for some reason, needed the strongest thing he could find, and none of their packaging was clear about how strong they were.
So Fowler took a sip of his coffee, clicked the email open, and started reading without much concern.
Coffee hit the wrong pipe hard enough that he had to slap a hand to his chest a couple of times to help clear his airway while his eyes watered.
Because sitting there, in calm black text on a government requisition form, was:
Requested Item:
One (1) analogue audio playback device, human-use, non-networked.
Then leaned in and read it again.
Then sat back slowly in his chair and said, to absolutely no one, “Is Optimus Prime trying to expense a record player?”
The empty office offered no answer.
He scrolled to read the rest of the email.
And somehow it only got worse.
Purpose:
Replacement of civilian morale-support equipment destroyed during hostile base incident.
Justification:
Previous unit lost during Scraplet infestation while supporting continued Autobot operations and civilian stabilization efforts.
Secondary Benefits:
Positive effect on base atmosphere and Human-Autobot morale observed over repeated use.
Fowler leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes for one long moment.
There it was. That particular brand of Prime logic. Calm. Measured. Impossible to argue with without sounding like a complete asshole.
Technically, he’s not wrong.
The twins had been through hell recently. The base had gone quieter after the old player got scrapped. Nelly’s music had become part of the place, whether anyone wanted to admit it or not. Even Ratchet, for all his grumpiness, had tolerated it because it meant the humans were calmer and Bumblebee was easier to read when he had something playing in the background.
That did not change the fact that Fowler was currently being asked to explain to the U.S. government why a secret desert installation needed a turntable.
He scrolled down to the bottom of the email.
There, neatly appended beneath the request, was a short personal note.
Because of course there was…
Agent Fowler,
Penelope Cruz’s music has proven to be a stabilizing presence not only for herself, but for the team as a whole. In light of recent events, restoring that outlet would be beneficial.
I understand if this request falls outside standard parameters.
-Optimus Prime
Fowler stared at the signature.
“...You knew exactly what you were doing, big guy…”
He hated that the note made it worse.
If Optimus had been pushy about it, Fowler could’ve pushed back. If he’d made it sound noble and dramatic, Fowler could have rolled his eyes and told him ‘no’ on principle. But no. The giant alien war hero had to word it like a thoughtful, perfectly reasonable appeal on behalf of an emotionally rattled civilian and a home base that had, in fact, become noticeably less lively without her music.
And, somehow, completely fair.
Fowler took another sip of coffee, grimaced when he realized it had already gone lukewarm, and pulled up the official requisition form on his computer. He hovered over the classification field for a moment, then snorted to himself.
“Alright,” he muttered. “Let’s see if I can make this still sound true without also sounding stupid…”
Civilian Psychological Support Equipment - Non-Digital
One-time replacement expense
Then, after a moment’s thought, added a note beneath it:
Destroyed during confirmed hostile incident at Autobot facility. Replacement approved under morale and recovery support.
He looked at that. Then added one more line.
If anyone asks, this is absolutely not a jukebox. And does anyone know what’s even a good pick-up to get?
Fowler stared at the sentence for a beat.
“I mean, if I’m already getting one, I shouldn’t half-ass it, right?”
Before common sense could catch up and stop him, he hit send.
The confirmation ping landed almost immediately.
Five seconds later, his phone buzzed on the desk.
|Prime: Thank you, Agent Fowler.
Fowler leaned back in his chair, laughed once, dy and disbelieving, and scrubbed a hand over his mouth.
“I just bought a giant alien robot’s teacher friend a record player,” he informed the empty office.
Then he took another sip of his coffee and added, “You know what? Not even the weirdest thing this month.”
He moved to check the rest of the emails in his inbox.
Under his breath, still faintly offended by the whole thing, he muttered, “You manipulative blue son of a…”
And because the universe hated him, he was smiling when he said it.