Old friends... with benefits
"Wait, you know Agent?"
"How do you know Col. Hot ... uhm, Rhodes?"
Coulson and Rhodes share a look and grin. "We're old friends"
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"You're not gonna let this go are you?" Rhodey sighs, lowering the tablet he was reading onto his lap.
"Nope!" Tony says as he plops down beside his husband.
"Fine," Rhodey says, turning to Tony. "Phil and I met when I was thinking of being an airman ranger and visited that Army training school. We kept in touch. I told you all about him ... P.J."
Tony's eyes widened in shock. "Your ... your base fuck buddy, PJ, is Agent?!?!?!"
Rhodey rolls his eyes toward the ceiling and drops the tablet onto the couch as he stands up. "Why do you always have to make it weird?" he huffs.
Tony stands, too, hands on his hips facing Rhodey. "Because YOU, light of my life, had sex with AGENT COULSON!"
Rhodey covers his face with his hand and shakes his head.
"Wait," Tony says, fingering his goatee. "So tell me, does IT vibrate? I mean was he part robot back then?"
Rhodey looks at Tony and rolls his eyes. "We are NOT doing this," he says before walking away.
"Wait, I've gotta know," Tony says following him. "Is it true he taught you that thing you do with your tongue?"
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Phil pauses in cutting his sandwich. "Just ask what you want to ask."
"How was it with Col. Hottie?" Clint asks from his perch atop the table.
Phil sighs before beginning to put away his sandwich fixings. "Clint, is this really what you want to talk about? You knew I had partners before we got together ..."
"But not Col. Hottie ... War Machine ... Tony Stark's husband!" Clint says jumping off the table and walking over to grab half of the sandwich.
Phil gives him a side eye. "You act as if he and I got together after they were together ..."
"They've ALWAYS 'been together' " Clint says while chewing. "Even if they didn't know it."
"Fair," Phil says before taking a bite and chewing thoughtfully. "But they weren't a couple then and he and I have been just friends for years."
"Just friends," Clint mumbles before taking another bite. Then he whips his head up and turns fully towards Phil, eyes widening as he forces the bite of food down his throat before speaking.
"Wait, is Rhodes ... Rhodes is Jim. Oh, my gawd. He's THAT Jim?" Phil puts the uneaten part of his sandwich on a plate and scoops up the plate without making eye contact.
Clint is still processing that revelation as Phil hastily leaves the room, a blush creeping up his neck.
"You answer me Phillip Jeremiah Coulson!"
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Clint walks into Tony's lab and the two eye each other before Tony gestures for him to have a seat.
"So ..." Clint says warily, sitting on the stool next to Tony.
"So ..." Tony sighs with a barely contained smirk.
"It's a little weird," Clint finally admits with a wry smile.
Tony glances at him and gives a slight nod of his head. "My husband had sex with your boyfriend."
"He dipped his chocolate in my peanut butter," Clint deadpans.
Tony barks out a laugh and Clint joins in.
"You know we have to tease them about this," Tony says, still giggling a bit.
"Just saying 'Jim' makes Phil blush." Clint replies. Tony's eyebrows shoot up, a calculating look crossing his face.
"Call Coulson 'P.J.' in front of Rhodey," Tony says with a smirk.
Clint's smile widens. "P.J. and Jim," he says and they both start laughing again. "Simple, yet devious!"
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"They're plotting something," Coulson says to Rhodes as they head toward the living area for movie night.
"Tony is ALWAYS plotting something," Rhodes replies. "And since Clint's been here they have joined forces many times. Natasha is the only one who's been spared from their 'fun'."
"I guess they do have some self-preservation skills," Coulson says, glancing over at Rhodes, who smiles.
"At least when it comes to Natasha they do," he responds and the two lightly bump shoulders in agreement just as they reach the doorway.
"Well, don't you two look cozy," Clint's voice cuts through their thoughts.
"You get away from my platypus, Agent Jezebel," Tony says as he walks over and tugs Rhodey away from Phil's side.
Phil looks around at the varying looks pointed their way. "Come sit with your consolation prize ... P.J.!" Clint snarks.
Rhodey's eyes widen and his cheeks darken as Tony pushes him down on the couch. A blushing Phil wanders over to Clint and sits down.
Tony and Clint share a grin.
"What's going on?" Steve asks cautiously, unsure if he really wants an answer.
"Looks like Clint and Tony found out Rhodey and Coulson used to be an item," Natasha says cooly while munching on popcorn. "Grab a partner and have a seat gentlemen. It's movie night."