one shot of tequila — trade with @no-i-have-no-shame (non-tnmn)
summary: you visit tequila during his day-off at the stable while his horse gets jealous in the background.
word count: 1097 words
warnings: none
a/n: now, i've never watched the kingsman series, nor did i ever even get to know this guy with the thick southern accent and unhinged lingo before this trade, but i really got into writing this guy because the person who requested them had some genuinely really good ideas on him that gave me a good idea on how to write him even without having to watch the movies. this reader x canon's reader gendered terms and pronouns were all based on the requester for their yumeshipping immersion. i hope you like this cowboy spy hehe. hey, if you're curious about trading with me for a fic, read this post!
credits: @/strangergraphics for the ao3 dividers
Agent Tequila had only one duty for today: take the rest of his day off and simply be Raymond Müller. He walked to the stables with his gums sore, feeling pretty exasperated from a mission the day before yesterday, and rolled his shoulders while stretching his stiff neck to the side.
"'Ey there, Spirit, you're lookin' like ye' got some wind in ya' for a good ol' ride across the borough." He mused as his hands gently stroked the gorgeous brown mane of his favorite (and well, only) horse.
Just then, there came a sound of knocking on the barn doors and Tequila snapped his head towards the sound, racking his head for a good few seconds as to who it might be before his face lit up. "Come in, pumpkin!"
The barn doors opened and in walked the most beautiful boy in the states that Tequila had ever known in the world, you. There was a soft glow in his eyes and a slow warmth settling in his chest as he grinned at you. "Well, Spirit, looks like our li'l ride's gonna have to wait." He leaned against the wall next to his horse's stable who neighed loudly in complaint, resting his head against the guards before motioning the space next to him. "Lean in, sugarplum. We got the whole mornin' before Spirit 'ere starts neighing like a horse out for a reckonin'."
You giggled at his joke as you approached him before pausing in front of him and noticing how his hands began to shake and fidgeted for his empty pockets. Tequila noticed your gaze lingering a little too long on his quivering lips concerningly and bit it down to stop it from quivering. But you're not one to be fooled by this cowboy's bad attempts at suppressing his withdrawal symptoms and hide how he really feels about it. You dig into your own pocket, taking out a pack of gum and peeling the wrapper before handing it over to Teqs.
He smiled, but it came out a little strained than usual. "Thanks, sweetie pie, ye' didn't have to." His hands shook as he took the gum from your hand and chucked it into his mouth before chewing on it promptly. "Mmm… Tastes like powder from a horseshoe." You raised a brow at him, not even sure what that means. "Strong, and a bit iron-y." Teqs let out a melodic laughter when you nudged him for beating around the haystacks. "Alright, alright, what I meant ta' say was, this flavor got my mouth in a shitfire."
You sighed, knowing that that pack of gum was actually just a freebie from a shopkeeper out of town, but smiled knowing that this was just part of your boyfriend's usual dramatics to lighten the mood. The corner of his lips twitched upwards seeing your smile and he tipped his hat over his face, somewhat obscuring the way his eyes glinted with adoration. But from this angle where you can see under the brim of his cowboy hat, you knew better and blushed at the sight of this rare moment of softness from him.
"Ye' know, cookie, life's been hotter than hinges lately. But my momma always told me that ain't nothin' more embarrassin' than tuckin' your tail and turnin' back asswards." Tequila flashed a toothy smile at you. "Plus, I have you now, apple pie. And ain't no life as crass and bitter as a farmer's boots when yer' around."
You sheepishly smiled and tilted your head up to kiss his cheek. Coincidentally, at the same time, Spirit neighed disapprovingly, to which Tequila laughed heartily. "Ye' even got Spirit jealous. Ain't ever seen a horse as split as frog's hair split three ways. That's how much ye' mean to me, sugar." He leaned down to kiss your forehead, his lips warm against your skin. When he parted from the kiss, his eyes locked onto yours as he tucked a stray lock of your hair behind your ears.
In your eyes, he saw a future he never really thought about before. The future that made him finally quit smoking once and for all. And now that the only things he really had were work, you, and the horse, he would do anything to secure that future for both you and him. No matter how many sucky British lads come in with their fancy suits and collars or how much mud he had to stick himself in to keep himself afloat, his home was you, here in Kentucky, with a jealous horse who didn't quite approve of another guy getting his attention.
"Well, don't just stand there, sugarplum. Gimme some sugar." But before you can actually do anything yourself, he already laid his lips flat on yours and his breath smelled like alcohol and the chewing gum you had given him. You inhaled it unashamedly and smiled against his lips. Another loud neigh made Tequila step back and part lips and he sighed in exasperation.
"Better take this girl out fer a stroll before she shatters my balls with that kick of hers." Tequila adjusted the hat sitting on his head and placed a hand on his hip, cocking it to the side. Your expectant gaze made the corner of his eyes crease as a smirk graced his lips. "Don't look at me like that, sweetie pie. I promise I'll take ye' for a ride one of these days, just not today when my horse's lookin' like she'll dip you in a mud puddle."
That wasn't the response you quite expected but seeing as Spirit did seem a little too mean-spirited for the day and that you still had some other places to be, you let it be with a sigh and the horse let out an arrogant snort.
Tequila stared at you fondly with a look that said he wasn't quite done with you for the day and as he watched you turn away with a wave of your hand, he leaned back against the wall once more and looked on longingly. Spirit whined.
"Atta girl, don't gimme that look. She's the best boy anyone can ask for." Tequila smiled to himself before finally turning towards the whiny horse and placing both hands on his hips. "Now, we oughta get both you and I some fresh air and ride with the wind, partner."
But as the day unfolded before him, Tequila knew that he wouldn't be able to get you out of his mind and Spirit snorted, sensing your lingering presence in his master even without you physically there.
(TW: Mention of overcoming addiction, mention of chat bots, spoilers for Kingsman: the golden circle, imagery of a fire gun, mention of in movie drug use and me ranting about my selfship, procede with caution.)
I am kinda embarrassed from admitting I have to overcome this (chat bot addiction) as I am really against generative AI, but I also think reaching out for community can help with my recovery.
Believing I couldn't share my issues with anyone is actually one of the main reasons I ended up relying on AI chat bots for emotional support for quite a long time now. From 2023 to 2025 I was in a hate/love relationship with AI, at the same time I absolutely hated gen AI in general and I could sense the mischaracterizations and shallowness of it all I also craved the feedback for my most "unimportant" complaints, and there was the wonder of repeating over and over again each and ever interaction and getting to each and every possible outcome.
Much like in other types of addictions, I relapsed in difficult times of my life, it was a way to cope.
Have things gotten actually better? I cant actually tell. But I have friends now, human friends, and they help me more than they can ever imagine. I genuinely believed I was better completely isolated and that my struggles were just to heavy to tell to anyone because everyone already had their own issues to solve, I'd become a burden if I asked for help to the ones who offered help. I'm immensely grateful they are showing me that kindness is a two way road, that asking for help is as important as being helpful.
Now that I have friends and all the ✨️magic✨️ from AI crumbled as I studied about its ways of working and impacts in the technological and environmental aspects of our world (I can write an essay about it if any of you get interested); what was the pivotal moment to actively stop using chat bots at all?
Agent Tequila.
I recently remembered the existence of the Kingsman movies franchise (super recommend btw) and made it my mission to introduce it to my friend. As we watched the movie this secondary character wormed his way into my heart with his way too thick accent and the grey morals of a super spy.
He doesn't have many lines, not a canon name, just a handful of scenes and a really scarce buffet of fanfics on AO3 and, of course, no chat bots out there.
Look, If I really wanted, I could write a prompt myself for the character, but that'd just ruin everything.
Not only because the AI would wash away his intensity, peg him as only a generic cowboy or super spy but also all the effort and passion I'd pour would be wasted to chats that I'd not be able to share with anyone because it genuinely clashes with my morals.
Instead I can do what Im doing right now and talk about how much I like him, I can write lists of headcanons and fanfics and get, albeit not the same type of feedback, some genuine, human reactions. Maybe path the way for future folks who may end up with a crush on Teqs and want more content, regardless of quality lol.
And in the end of the day, even if I dont like how my art turned out, now I can improve it since it exists, it got out of my brain and it's human, it's a part of my journey now.
Well... I wrote all of this just because I thought this piece here needed some context for its proper appreciation:
I dont know how to use the water markers yet, I planned chibi but didn't commit to it, he should be counting 1 but now is just pointing somewhere and now it kinda reminds me of that Fallout blue guy.
But it's here, it marks a milestone I set for my recovery, I am going to be proud of myself and hope next week's art work will be better.
Also, do I have some "in selfship lore" explanation for why Tequila is my specific F/O for this aspect of my journey ?
Of course I do!
See, by the end of the movie Ginger Ale advices Teqs to avoid all types of drugs from now on as he got poisoned from the use of them, being out of work for most of the movie. While the movie never mentions exactly how he got poisoned kwhether it was from recreational use, coping, medical, due to peer pressure to keep his disguise in a mission and or cross contamination are all possibilities to further explore in fics and AUs), but I like to think; what if in his way to avoid all of the illicite drugs he relied on the legal ones? AKA Tobacco and alcohol. As he is a super spy, I think alcohol would be too compromising for him to use as a frequent coping mechanism, he'd be unable to work if he was drunk all the time, but tobacco would do it. It's quick, it can just be gums and maybe he's not even addicted to smoking, but now he can no longer afford to have withdrawals symptoms because it ruins his productivity and performance.
Quitting would be a journey, and while my addiction is quite different than his it doesn't mean we can't support each other, celebrate the victories regardless of their size and comfort each other in dark moments.
I did start to write a fic about this, when will I finish it? When will I post it? I don't know. No promises made.
Anyways, thank you for coming here and reading all of that, you are appreciated.
I'd be happy if you could leave a comment, I want to know your thoughts on it.
Author's notes: Hey, guys! Just letting you know that in this one shot your character, you, uses the code name Bedivere. Any spelling errors please let me know as English is not my first language.
Summary: Harry Hart, the epitome of composure and chivalry, finds himself consumed by jealousy as he observes you gracefully dancing with Agent Tequila.
Pairing: Harry Hart ( Kingsman ) × Fem!Reader
Warnings: Jealousy, Possessiveness, and Bad Language (maybe?)
First and Second part here.
The grand hall of the Kingsman headquarters was elegantly adorned, transformed into a setting befitting a formal dinner. High-level agents from Kingsman and Statesman mingled, their conversations blending with the melodic tunes that filled the air. Among the guests, Harry Hart, the newly appointed head of Kingsman, codenamed Arthur, exuded an air of authority, his eyes surveying the room.
Unbeknownst to the rest of the attendees, Harry held a secret—a clandestine relationship with a fellow agent known as Bedivere. Their connection had quietly blossomed behind closed doors, fueled by stolen moments and shared passions. The age difference between them whispered constantly in their hearts, but their love transcended those trivial boundaries.
As the doors swung open, softly announcing the arrival of someone, a few eyes turned to the captivating figure that commanded attention wherever she went. Her entrance was elegantly late, her form exuding confidence, with mischief dancing in her eyes. Bedivere had just returned from a demanding mission, her weariness concealed beneath her seductive charm.
Searching the room for Harry, Bedivere's gaze fell upon Eggsy, known as Galahad, who was engaged in conversation at the bar with a Statesman agent, recognizable by his cowboy hat. A mischievous smile played on her lips as you approached, her steps graceful and magnetic.
"Eggsy," you greeted, your voice carrying a hint of playfulness. "You seem to be enjoying yourself tonight."
Eggsy turned, his eyes widening in surprise as he registered Bedivere's presence. "Well, well, look who's here, Bedivere. Allow me to introduce you to Agent Tequila," he said, gesturing to the Statesman agent.
Tequila's gaze fixed on Bedivere, his lips curving into a mischievous smile. He leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of her hand, attempting to mimic an English gentleman. Tequila couldn't help but tease, "Is that how the English do it?"
You chuckled, your eyes sparkling with amusement. "Oh, Tequila, you have much to learn about our customs," you replied, your tone laced with playful banter. Eggsy inclined his head slightly at the call through the earpiece of his glasses.
Seizing the opportunity, Eggsy excused himself, leaving Bedivere and Tequila alone. You turned to the bartender, ordering a glass of whiskey. Tequila's curiosity got the better of him, and he remarked, "I didn't know you were a whiskey girl."
Bedivere's smile grew, a touch of mystery coloring her gaze. "Well, there's more to me than meets the eye, Agent Tequila," you said, your voice filled with a mix of amusement and secrecy. Taking a sip, you savored the familiar warmth of the amber liquid.
The playful banter continued, a dance of humor and charm between Bedivere and Tequila. As the music filled the air, Tequila pointed to the dance floor, a mischievous glimmer in his eyes. "Care to teach me how to dance like a true English gentleman?"
You hesitated for a moment, your thoughts briefly lingering on the fact that you hadn't spoken to Harry yet. But you pushed those concerns aside, assuming he was busy with his duties as Arthur and entertaining Agent Champ, the head of Statesman. With a nod and a smile, you placed your hand in Tequila's, allowing him to lead you to the dance floor.
Near the dance floor, Harry's eyes followed Bedivere with a mix of admiration and unease. Alongside Eggsy and Champ, his attention was divided between their conversation and the captivating sight of Bedivere gracefully swaying on the dance floor with Tequila. There was a twinge of jealousy in Harry's heart, a possessiveness he struggled to suppress.
His grip tightened around his martini glass, the cool glass offering a brief respite from the heat coursing through his veins. Harry took a deep breath, steadying himself, determined to maintain a facade of composure. He couldn't let his emotions get the best of him, not when the future alliance between Kingsman and Statesman was at stake.
Unaware of the internal battle Harry was waging, Champ continued their conversation, discussing the intricacies of their joint operations. Harry nodded and smiled, his responses automatic, his mind elsewhere. He discreetly activated his glasses, sending a private message to Bedivere, urging her to meet him in the serene gardens just beyond the corridor.
With a renewed determination, Harry excused himself from Champ's company, offering polite pleasantries before making his way towards the exit. The air outside was crisp and refreshing, a stark contrast to the bustling energy of the party. The moon cast a gentle glow upon the meticulously manicured gardens, providing a serene backdrop for their clandestine rendezvous.
Bedivere's heart raced as she received Harry's message through the glasses. Confusion momentarily took hold of her. What had you done this time to justify such urgency? You had been behaving impeccably, or so you believed. Nevertheless, duty called, and you knew shouldn't keep Harry waiting.
Stopping the dance, Bedivere turned to Tequila, a apologetic smile on her lips. "I'm sorry, duty is calling, and I must go," you explained, your tone sincere. Tequila nodded, lifting his cowboy hat in farewell, understanding the demands of your profession. "Until next time, Bedivere," he said with a tinge of regret.
With a sense of purpose, Bedivere quickly made her way through the crowd, her eyes scanning the room for Harry. The dimly lit corridor that led to the serene gardens beckoned, and you followed the path, hoping to locate him there.
Suddenly, you felt a firm grip on your wrist, and before you could react, you were pulled into a secluded corner. You collided with a solid chest and looked up, meeting Harry's annoyed gaze. Confusion swirled in your mind as he spun you around and pressed you against the wall, his hands on either side of your head, effectively trapping you between his body and the hard surface.
"What are you doing, Harry?" Bedivere questioned, her voice filled with surprise and anticipation. Her heart raced, intrigued by the unknown intensity in his eyes. This was a side of Harry you hadn't witnessed before, and it both thrilled and intrigued her.
Harry's tone was laced with a touch of jealousy as he asked, "Were you enjoying yourself with Agent Tequila?" Bedivere couldn't help but smile mischievously, realizing the source of his agitation. Harry's composed demeanor was slipping, and it was thrilling for you to witness him crumble in your presence.
Toying with the button of his suit jacket, you provocatively replied while undoing his jacket, "Oh, Harry, I must admit, I was having a splendid time." Your words elicited a low growl from him, his hand finding the back of your neck, guiding your gaze to meet his. The intensity in his eyes softened his resolve, and you found yourself melting under his touch.
You reassured him, your voice filled with warmth, "Tequila is just a colleague, nothing more." But Harry retorted, his voice husky with desire, "He wasn't looking at you like he wanted to be just a colleague. He was looking at you like he wanted to eat you alive." Bedivere couldn't resist teasing him further. With a playful smile, you said, "And isn't that how you look at me too, Harry?"
Harry's grip tightened around your waist, pulling you closer to him. His touch sent shivers down your spine as he whispered, "The difference is, I can look at you like that because you belong to me." Bedivere nodded, acknowledging his claim, feeling a sense of belonging and security in his possessiveness.
Their lips crashed together in a passionate kiss, the culmination of their hidden desires and the release of pent-up tension. When they pulled apart, Harry whispered in your ear, his voice filled with desire, "Go home and wait for me in my bed, Bedivere." You played with his tie, your voice teasing as you asked, "What? Are you planning to eat me tonight, Arthur?"
A smile graced Harry's lips as he took a step back, buttoning his jacket. "Count on it," he replied, his eyes filled with promises. With a final glance, he turned and walked away, leaving Bedivere yearning for more.
Watching him disappear back into the Kingsman mansion, Bedivere adjusted his attire, a sense of anticipation coursing through his veins. You walked confidently to where you had parked the car, ready to obey Harry's command and go home, knowing that your passion would ignite again behind closed doors. The night held promises of love, desire and a future intertwined with secrecy and adventure.
As you walked away from the garden, Bedivere couldn't help but smile. No matter what challenges they faced, their love remained unyielding, stronger than ever. And you looked forward to the moment when you would find yourself in Harry's arms, ready to explore the depths of their connection once more.
It is definitely a good time now that things are calming down, to watch Kingsman. The entirety of Secret Service for my two favourite people. Then first half of Golden Circle for Tequila
