@silverelfmage prompted me some time ago. Thanks you so much for that. I felt inspired to finish one of my wips with the first prompt (”I love you, please don’t leave me). I cheated a bit there, but I hope you still like it. Because of the technical cheat, and because I like them, I will do the other two prompts too at a later point.
So have fun reading and tell me what you think.
The evening had started so promising. Julian had prepared dinner (actually asked the Captain for advice on how to prepare a dessert by himself, so not everything was replicated) and he and Garak had enjoyed a good meal and even better conversation.
Until they touched the state again. Or better Garak’s blind loyalty to Cardassia. Tain’s Cardassia.
“… Doctor, you must know by now, that without loyalty to Cardassia a Cardassian ceases to be a Cardassian.”
“Is that what you told yourself every time someone disappeared who was deemed a dissident?”
Julian himself was surprised by his cold tone. But so was Garak even if his mask slipped only for a millisecond.
“My, aren’t you in a droll mood today.” was his obviously false genial answer.
The mask of the plain and simple tailor hadn’t made an appearance for quite some time, definitely not since they had gotten together. Seeing his partner disappear behind his customer smile took Julian’s anger away.
“I’m sorry. That was inappropriate. I know you aren’t that person anymore.”
He tried to grasp Garak’s hand but the Cardassian pulled it away.
With that Garak got up and turned. It felt to Julian as if his worst nightmare was coming true. He got up as well and stepped between Garak and the door knowing full well how dangerous a move that could be.
“Step away from the door, Doctor.”
“Please Garak, Elim, don’t go. I’ll do whatever you want me to, just don’t leave me.”
The Cardassian stared at him for a few unbearably long seconds then seemed to come to a decision. Very softly he said:
“If you care for me, you’ll let me pass. I know you’re sincere in your apology, but right now I need my space. Your apology is noted, acceptance is pending.”
Julian blinked away his tears but nodded and stepped aside. To his surprise Garak didn’t start walking away immediately.
“We’ll need to talk about what happened, Julian. But rest assured I’ll not just leave you the first time there is trouble.”
The Doctor nodded again. An eerie calm overcame him. He felt as if his mind had wrapped itself in cotton candy. Fluffy yet sticky. The feeling remained till long after Garak had left.
The next few days Julian felt terrible but he knew Garak had been right. While it ate him away that he had hurt his partner it was his own pain. Garak had a right to lick his wounds without having to worry about Julian’s feelings. It also gave the Doctor time to think why he had lost his temper so spectacularly. He came to the realisation that he had been angry for far longer than their ruined dinner date. He was scared to lose his friend, his partner. Foremost to lose him to a Dominion attack but also to his duty. To his Cardassia. Was this how Palis felt when he chose Starfleet over her? While he would never regret his decision to go to DS9, he couldn’t help but scold his younger self for how little consideration he had given her feelings.
So when Garak contacted him for a quiet lunch in his quarters, he was both elated and terrified. He didn’t seem to be the only one. Both were subdued compared to their usual standards.
After they had softly talked about their days and even the weather, Julian couldn’t take it anymore.
“Elim, I’m so sorry. I took my own insecurities out on you. That wasn’t fair.”
Garak seemed relatively unbothered by his apology.
“I was jealous. Heck, I still am.”
That on the other hand got his attention.
“Whoever of? There’s no need to be.”
“Cardassia. And I know, it’s idiotic and juvenile. Besides I would never force you to choose between me and Cardassia and me. It wouldn’t be contest anyways.”
Garak stared at him with wide eyes. Speechless for a few breaths.
“Doctor, whatever brought this on?”
Julian felt his heart clench and closed his eyes for a moment. A deep breath for strength.
“I’m scared. One day you’ll leave me for Cardassia. You’ll say we’ll see each other again but we won’t. What will the little Human freak matter when you can finally be with your own people again? You love her so much and envy you for it. I may have my Federation principles, but I don’t have a place I love like you do.”
“Why does everyone always think that exposure to one’s so called own people erases all attachment one formed to other species? Do you think so little of me?”
“No, but they are your people! You would give your life for them. Hell, you were ready to commit genocide for them.”
‘You were ready to sacrifice me for them’ hung between them. Unspoken but not unthought.
“Yes, Doctor, you are right. They are my people. But so are you, Julian! And in opposite to them you really care about me. You would miss me, while Cardassia… She never did. I may love her and be too ready to sacrifice myself for her, she won’t. Despite her seeming cruelty my duty to her is not less rewarding. On the other hand so is the joy of knowing that there is someone in the universe who reciprocates one’s affection.”
Garak laced their hands together. A strong and steady connection. One of the more intimate gestures a Cardassian could offer. It meant the world to Julian.
“If I could go home, I would. But I would not just leave you behind. I would ask you to come with me. And if you couldn’t - why ever - I would find a way to be with you too.”
As he said that, he guided Julian’s head towards his own and leaned his chufa the Human’s forehead.
