#alexis lanza

[lifeinpoetry]

sometimes having feelings for someone else is two river stones grating together in my head

Alexis Lanza, from “Cloud Headaches,” published in The Offing

[theoffingmag]

sometimes having feelings for someone else is two river stones grating together in my head

Alexis Lanza, “Cloud Headaches,” published in The Offing

[strngoutt]

Alexis Lanza

Alexis Lanza is trying to learn how to love herself like a plant. She is about to graduate Ithaca College with a degree in Film, Photography, and Visual Arts and has no idea where she will end up next. She has a deep love for the Pacific Northwest, sleek brown dogs, and geometric line tattoos. Alexis has recently been trekking through years of body shaming, belittlement, and ridicule for her size and is hoping to further question these issues through personal writing, drawing, and reflecting. She is looking forward to what other contributors share and is looking forward to having Strung Outt as a safe place. Follow her on instagram @wheat_paste, and see all her posts here. 

[strngoutt]

I'm so angry I'm shaking

It is not yet 6 AM and I am boarding my flight home. As I’m casually making my way down the aisle to my seat, the flight attendant— a white male probably 40 years older than myself— asks where my seat is and I reply. I have never had anyone assist me on a plane like this. He asks if I need help with my luggage, which I guess is a courtesy, but I politely decline. He makes his way ahead of me and says, “oh, I gotta see this, this is gonna be good.” To this, I stare at him and say, ‘what?’ and he says he wants to watch me put my luggage in the overhead compartment.

When we get there, he points to my seat and tells me where I should place my luggage— the only open spot— and I easily lift and place it overhead. I happen to have upper arm strength that I am proud of. I don’t look at him and take my seat. He leaves, probably disappointed.

I do not understand this. Why is it his automatic assumption that because I am a fairly small person, I am weak? Open your eyes. There is nothing to see here but a 22-year-old woman who is not struggling and helpless for your entertainment or reassurance of your own masculinity. There is no show here.