My quick fix to cheer myself up after making the terrible mistake of rewatching "Plan 99" -
Not entirely sure it's fully working since I still feel like my heart has been shot through with shrapnel, ripped out, ground to powder and set on fire... But I'm not sobbing anymore so I'll take that as a win!
apparently thinking about Collei at 3 am has become a ritual for me but regardless
"what if Baizhu and Pantalone were brothers" this, "what if Kaeya was related to Pierro" that. Hear me out:
what if Collei and Baizhu were related?
think about it: a boy in a poor and sick family, watching his younger sister get taken away to "cure" her illness yet never see her again and believes her dead
he also gains a similar fatal illness (runs in the family), just not Eleazar. dunno what happens to their parents, but Baizhu decides to study and sell medicine to make up for him and the sister he couldn't save. he gets a bit obsessed with money and rather amoral along the way, but it's all means to an end
but back in their home, his sister is alive, but neither of them have any way of knowing that.
...I have to make a serious discussion regarding a case of possible racist depictions in my art work and as much as I dislike any sort of art related drama not approaching this topic would be highly irresponsible on my behalf and the last thing I wanted to accomplish with this story was to unintentionally harm people so here it goes:
It is about the story I’ve been working on this whole year for my art finals you know THIS ONE:
Now one of the people I showed the finished project to took some issue with one of the characters namely one of the three main characters, 11 year old Monty Taussky
He said that the depiction would “meet every racial stereotype regarding black characters with his big nose, ugly teeth and lips”. Okay before I adress the whole of it I think the last one is a bit uncalled for because I draw Monty completely without lips.
There are multiple factors as of why his design might come across as off but I’ll have to explain how it could have come so far.
The man who voiced the critisism didn’t actually read the whole comic and only scooped through some pages so my guess is that he didn’t look too closely because what he was refering to as “ugly teeth” were Monty’s braces.
But this in retrospect is my own artistic fault because I drew his braces in a very unnaturalistic way wich alongside his big round nose is another result of my earlier character designs.
Remember this one? I posted it back in January 2020. Monty was alongside Peggy and Smilla one of the first characters I created for the story and back then I was aiming for a more cartoony style for the whole comic. As you can see all of them have very exaggerated facial features and the same goes for the background characters on the first few comic pages:
They’re all very caricaturesque. But as the story went on the whole thing grew slightly more serious than I originally planned for and with me taking multiple breaks in between chapters the art style for the story and the more prominent characters outside the three protagonists took on a more serious look.
okay none of them are drawn in a very realistic way but I think their look is just a little less “goofy”. And as a result my three protagonists with their more caricaturesque design just come across as...off
The thing with Monty is: He wasn’t originally meant to be a POC character. When I first drew him the only thing I had in mind was “Peggy’s 11 year old son”. I drew him with braces because many kids that age need one. His big round nose was meant to empathize his round facial features as a contrast to Peggy’s sharper ones. His face, nose, eyes, eyebrows, curls are all round to give him a softer more childlike appearance. And he always had them long before I decided to darken his skin color.
I’ve written Peggy as a single mother and neither she nor Monty know who his father is. Back then I thought “Would it make any difference if Monty’s father had been of a different ethnicity? Would it change his character if he was biracial?” The answer for me was no. I tend to decide a character’s nationality/ethicity/sexuality/religion/identity etc. very late in order to avoid stereotypes.
Of course that all falls flat if I’m accidentally reinforcing harmfull stereotypes with Monty’s appearance.
Had Monty been the only POC character in this whole story I’d say the critic would be compelety justified. But he’s not.
I tried to give them all unique physionomy. But as you can see in this character comparison - again - Monty’s design looks off, too cartoony to be in synch with the rest of the depicted cast.
Now there hasn’t been any sort of offical release of my comic and the few copies I’ve printed were mostly sold to friends and family members. Meaning I can still change his design (plus due to the deadline I had to shorten the story immensly from it’s original script so I’m generally not pleased with its current version).
Maybe it would be better if I’d shrink his nose slightly and draw his braces just a little more naturalistically. Like this:
Does this look a little bit better? (Please let me know!!)
Ultimately I think wether his depiction is problematic or not is not for me to decide. I’m a white middle European but so is the guy who criticized Monty’s appearance.
Please let me know your opinion.
In case it really is problematic then I’m deeply sorry for it. I honestly didn’t mean to reinforce any harmfull stereotypes and I promise I will do better research and improve my art style.
Brienne has never been a spurned lover before, and is uncertain how things are supposed to proceed. She’s fairly sure that as the wounded party she’s not supposed to be the one to reach out, it would certainly feel pathetic to do so. But inhabiting the same castle and not speaking to Jaime is growing rapidly unbearable.
In the end he saves her from having to decide and breaks the silence himself, approaching her in the hall after morning meal. “Ser Brienne. Do you have a moment?”
She looks around - her father is safely distracted talking to some old lords, dragging Podrick around and introducing him to all his old friends. She nods and follows him through an archway into a deserted corridor. Like the rest of Dragonstone it’s sparse and drafty, lit only by a series of tall windows, all too narrow for a human to pass through. They look out over the hundred foot drop to the bay, and Brienne tells herself the swooping sensation in her stomach is from the dizzying height.
Jaime stops midway down the hall and turns to face her. It’s the first time they’ve been alone and she’d been so afraid she’d never see him again. Any ambition she might’ve held to stay cool and distant deflate standing here with him. Damn her maidenly heart. This close it’s clear that he’s suffered, she knows his face well enough by this point to read the new lines that grief has drawn. She wishes she felt the urge to punch him instead of this desire to draw him close and kiss his brow.
He speaks, “I owe you an apology Brienne. I’m truly sorry for how I behaved.”
“It’s alright-“
“No it’s not!” He exclaims forcefully. “It is not alright, I treated you dishonourably. I went back on my word and I broke your trust. You did not deserve that, please don’t tell me that it’s alright.”
She’s not sure what she’d expected, but he’s far more ruffled than she’s ever seen him. But he is right, they owe each other this conversation, in all its honesty. “You’re right; It’s not alright. But.” He opens his mouth but she holds up a hand and he shuts it again quickly, “But. I understand why you did what you did. I know you. Of course I wanted you to stay, but I’m not a complete fool. I knew that you couldn’t. I just...I had to try or I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself, after. I was never deluded enough to think it would work.”
He’s shaking his head, “It’s not delusional, I wanted to stay. I tried to stay.”
“I know. And to be honest I forgave you almost immediately.”
It’s not a smile but the corners of his mouth do lift weakly, “Almost?”
“Well, I had to allow myself a couple of days to play the scorned woman. I’d never had the chance before.”
The lightness that had entered his eyes fades away as quickly as arrived and he’s back to miserable. “How are you not more angry? You should hate me, I deserve it.”
He’s clearly not going to let it go. She treads carefully, thinking through her words before speaking, “I think - no matter what you may have done - I think that you’ve suffered enough.” He looks down, his hair long enough to obscure his eyes. She can no longer hold back, and reaches out to lay her hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry about your family.”
He swallows, the apple of his throat bobbing, still not looking at her. “Yes, yes me too.” He says tonelessly, and when he finally lifts his eyes they’re dreadfully empty.
She tightens her fingers in his shirt instead of lifting them to cup his face like she truly wants. It’s not her place anymore. But she needs to tell him, “I’m glad you’re alive. I was afraid-“
He backs away, shaking her off. It’s not a surprise but it still hurts. “Well, that’s one of us.”
“Jaime-“
“Brienne.” He shakes his head, warning her off. It’s too soon. “I am sorry for how I treated you. I needed you to know that.”
The distance he puts between them is frigid and desolate. There’s nothing further she can do to help him, as much as she aches to try. “I do. And I forgive you.”
He laughs hollowly. At least he’s no longer insisting that she shouldn’t. By some unspoken agreement they begin to stroll slowly down the hall, side-by-side but still with that distance between them. “What are you going to do now?” Brienne asks. She means tonight, in the council, but also after.
“Well.” He starts, “You see I don’t quite know. I didn’t really expect to make it this far.”
She knows the feeling. None of them had thought much past the war and being here now is quite surreal. “At the meeting tonight,” she prompts, “Will you pledge to Daenerys?”
“I doubt she wants my pledge. And besides, it doesn’t mean anything at this point.” Brienne looks sideways at him, trying to puzzle what he means by that. He sees her looking and clarifies, “I’ve renounced my title, Casterly Rock, protection of Lannisport, all of it.”
She can’t quite formulate a response that seems right, but silence might be the most appropriate of all. He continues, “I’ve never wanted to be Lord, never been any good at politics. All of that was for the others. It’s the most ironic thing that my father could never see how Tyrion was made for it; that he would have been a great Lord. But I’m the only one left and I don’t want it. So I’ve given it all to Bronn.”
This she has to exclaim at, disbelief, “Bronn? The sellsword?”
He shrugs, “He had accrued quite a debt from the Lannisters. My brother promised him a grand castle and lands. And Casterly Rock is the only one I had so it will have to do.”
“My god, that man in charge of a holding like that. Is it really wise?”
“Perhaps not. But it feels right. The mines are run dry at any rate, and i doubt the new queen will forget my family’s deeds any time soon, so she’s bound to take away the wardonship. It’s almost a burden that I’ve given him when you think about it. Debts and grudges, off my shoulders and onto his.”
“It’s still one of the most important seats - what about the rest of your family, are they not angry?”
“My cousin Daven would technically been next in line after myself, but he’s not the ruling sort any more than I. And he has no children or younger brothers. No, the Lannister line has run as dry as our mines. Bronn will let them stay on as vassels, their lives won’t actually change in any way that matters. They’ll have an easier time to rebuild without my ruined reputation getting in the way.”
He’s not wrong. Still, it’s a lot to take in. “You seem at peace with it.”
“It’s a relief. I don’t want it.”
What do you want? the question is on the top of Brienne’s tongue. She bites it away. She has a feeling the answer would only hurt. Just weeks ago she had thought he wanted her, she doesn’t much want to hear confirmation that that has changed. “Lady Sansa is going to declare independence.” She says instead, “All of the northern lords are behind her.”
He manages another one of those empty smiles, “But of course. I would expect nothing less. You’re to stay with her?”
“I’m to be Commander of her queensguard.”
His hollow smile grows warm and for the first time he looks less than half-dead. “Perfect. Nobody deserves it more.”
Now she’s the one looking at the floor, cheeks warm. They’re interrupted when their empty corridor is suddenly no longer empty. Lord Gendry Baratheon stumbles over a crack in the floor on his way out of a chamber ahead. He looks distraught, and then dismayed to see them, ears turning instantly red. “Sers.” He grunts, wiping his face as he moves to hurry past them. But then he hesitates and turns back. “Could you...would you go check on her?” He asks, “please?” Before spinning back around and taking off down the hall.
Brienne and Jaime exchange a befuddled glance. The door Gendry had come from leads down a half flight of stairs into a small room. Like the whole castle it doesn’t have much in way of furniture, so it’s hard to say what it’s intended purpose is. There’s a large window in a nook with built in stone benches. Arya sits alone silhouetted in the window.
Brienne approaches slowly, boots loud on the stones, but the girl doesn’t look at them. “Arya, are you alright?”
She does look then, offering a smile far wider than her usual one. “Oh yes!” She exclaims cheerily, “I am just wonderful! How are you Brienne?”
Something is definitely wrong. Brienne takes the bench across from Arya, leaning back casually. “I’m well thank you. It’s quite something being here with the whole realm gathered together, isn’t it? Everyone in the same place, families who were all trying to kill each other not so long ago, now sharing ale. Starks, Targaryens, Lannisters,” She tilts her head at Jaime hovering in the corner, and then with emphasis that might be a tad unsubtle, “Baratheons.”
A flicker of the eyes is the only reaction she gets, but from one as schooled as Arya Stark it’s enough. “We encountered Lord Gendry on our way in. Did he say something to offend you?”
Her laugh is high and girlish, one of the few things girlish about her. It burbles from her, edging quite close to hysterical. “Oh he said many things!” She giggles, bringing a hand up to her mouth, behind which the laughter stutters and morphs all at once into a sob. Brienne watches in growing dismay as the girl’s face crumples and a tear rolls down her cheek.
“My lady-“
“N-no!” She hiccups, dashing the tear away and smiling wetly, “I’ve done it to myself. I was stupid and a coward and now it’s too late. He’s gone and gotten himself betrothed to someone else.”
This is a day full of surprises. Although looking back there had been something there between her and Gendry. A compatibility both on battlefield and off. They were always in tune in with each other, moving together in harmony, speaking without words. Brienne has seen them spar on occasion, back in the North, and despite their opposite styles of fighting it was like watching a pair of dancers.
Surprisingly it’s Jaime who responds first, and with emotion; Brienne had forgotten that the two of them had formed an unconventional sort of friendship these past weeks. “You are the farthest thing in the world from a coward.”
Arya shakes her head, chin quivering, “I was, he asked me to marry him first but I was afraid and I hesitated. I never hesitate.”
This is completely foreign territory for Brienne, but with the pain of her own first heartbreak this fresh, she’ll do her best to help. “The two of you clearly feel the same way now, he could break off the engagement, it wouldn’t be so unusual.”
Instead of helping it seems to make it worse, a fresh batch of tears trickles down her face. “H-he said that he would, for me.” she sniffles, “But I told him not to.”
“Why?”
“Because. He’s gone and agreed to marry the queen.” She laughs again, twining her fingers in her lap, “He can’t exactly back out of that, can he.”
She doesn’t even phrase it as a question, just complete resignation. Brienne glances at Jaime, who’s eyes-brows have peaked up to his hairline. “She’s aiming to tie herself to Robert’s house, to cut the likelihood of a loyalist rebellion. Their heirs would have claims through both lines. It’s a smart move.”
Arya makes a sound like a wounded puppy and she gazes determinedly our the window, eyes glazed. Brienne glares at Jaime, “Sorry, but it is. Thinking ahead of your enemies, keep them close, etcetera. It’s an effective strategy, and it’s worked for centuries.”
“You see.” Arya whispers, “And I can’t let him break the engagement, because it would ruin everything. He would have to give up his lordship. And there’s no chance Daenerys would take an insult like that without some sort of revenge, especially after Jon turned her down first. It would put the treaty at risk, everything Sansa’s been working so hard to build.”
She’s not wrong. Daenerys is prideful, and possesses a fiery temper that’s been burning an increasingly short fuse. Even if she has no true feelings for Gendry, she would not accept the jilt without taking something in exchange. “How about I take you back to your chamber, you can talk to your family, it’ll help you feel better.”
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I don’t want to think any more.” She turns her eyes back up to Brienne. They’re dry now, her face mask-like. “Can we go fight?”
That is something she can do. Some good sparring would actually be a very welcome distraction for Brienne as well. She rises, offering a hand the help Arya to her feet. “After you my lady.” She allows Arya past her and up the stairs. Lingering, she looks back at Jaime, who’s moved towards the windows, seemingly content to linger. “Ser Jaime.” She offers in farewell.
Jaime turns back and inclines his head, “Ser Brienne.”
When Brienne walks away it feels somehow very final. Yet at the same time she feels better inside, the air not quite so biting. It hurts still, but now it feels like it’ll be okay. Shaking herself, she jogs up the rest of the stairs to where Arya awaits.
a/n: crushing your ships left and right! I’m sorry! It’s just not that kind of fix-it....I’m as bad as d&d :(
I kinda thought that they were going to set Dany and Gendry up when I watched episode 804. The scene where she legitimized him felt idk...pointed? But I guess I was imagining things, but I still kinda thought it would make sense, classic political move.
