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sometimes you gotta just jack off about it

|| head in hands. I half jokingly said scream at my anxiety. he did not disappoint.

thank you, black sapphire, you overdramatic bitch 💀🖤

#🌙 BEHIND THE SCENES! 🌙#there was a part of me that thought too what if he ACTUALLY screams #and well.

reading three bodies mitanni bc of that post by valencians. oh my god.

#my rambles #I'm not done but the use of gender in this one is fascinating #I've had this inkling for a while of like 'I'm not going to speculate but if seth dickinson came out as transfem I wouldn't be surprised'#and Well.#books

#ness says stuff #vent #notsorry for being vulnerable and annoying on my blog. it will happen again #and well.#i keep looking for the answers in places i won't find them. i kind of already know on some level #what I need is to get out of my head and stop spiralling all the time. i need structure and to be occupied enough not to drive myself insan #but then. unemployment. it's so hard to impose structure on myself seven days a week w no one holding me to it #im probably being too hard on myself and thinking too much but if u give me a free day and leave me to my own devices well #i just start brutalising myself inside out heartemoji #on a smaller scale i just would like to be able to pick up and read a book when i want. watch anime when i want #write and do my other hobbies. without all the laboriousness attached to it....#maybe today is just the spiritual hangover day where i sit on the sofa and do virtually nothing! maybe that's ok #but it feels like the spiritual hangover day is v much a regular occurrence regardless of if i drank the night before #not to be really dramatic but. i feel like i haven't been living a remotely full life. and sometimes i get glimpses of it but #mm. it's this weird liminal life...it all feels so alien #i just want to sit very still and not move. natural inclination. but that gets me nowhere and also sucks. i want everything to be different #and i also want nothing to change #oughhh #i just really hate how passive i am. probably all of my worst traits are cos of my passivity. yay <3 #but as always. perhaps some water and a shower is in order. and then i will be courageous enough to catch up w anime LOL #/maybe start a new manga ? idk. at least i sent one (1) email today ?#trying to console myself

i don't think i ever mentioned on here that i was high as balls on xanax when i met my girlfriend's family for the first time

#I was only gonna take one to calm my nerves #but for some reason i thought it'd be a good idea to take two #and well.#they didn't notice so it's fine

i now have the exact real life visuals for buddie holding hands, buddie hugging, eddie grabbing buck’s chin and eddie squeezing buck’s tit. okay. well

#anyway #ash.txt #and well.#ryliver #too

bless us o Lord and these thy wiis which we are about to repair, from thy bounty through Christ our lord, Amen

#phdjokes #txt #told myself if i didnt brick my wii while installing homebrew I would finally fix the disk read problem #and well.

#and well.

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#and well.