#andimeantittosting

[deancaspinefest]

Some things I still can't tell you

Author: andimeantittosting | Artist: sidewinder

Posting on Wednesday March 19

After Cas comes back from the Empty, Dean is determined to show him all the things he can’t say. But after their first night together, he wakes to find Cas gone and seemingly determined to stay that way.

Keep reading for a sneak preview!

When Dean wakes up, he is alone.

He feels the wrongness of it even before his conscious brain has come back online, hand groping across rumpled, still-warm sheets for the body that should be there, for the person who should be beside him, warm and breathing and miraculously alive in his bed.

For Cas.

He finds only emptiness.

Dean comes awake with a frown already furrowing his brow. Last night was not a dream — he is certain of that much. But as his eyes search the room, he sees no evidence that Cas was ever here: no tie, no trenchcoat, no sensible shoes, just Dean's green jacket hanging on the door, the old, bloody handprint partially obscured by a fold of cloth.

Dean swallows down a wave of nausea. Last night was the first night in months that he wasn’t forced to relive that awful scene in his nightmares, Cas's face shining and beatific even as his blood was congealing on Dean's sleeve and the inky black tendrils of the Empty were reaching, reaching for him, ready to steal him away before Dean even had a chance to find his words — as if by saying something, returning the weight of Cas's confession, he might have stopped it, might have anchored Cas to him. Might have kept him.

He knows that’s not how it works, knows that's not what Cas's deal was, but in these long, empty months without him, that's the part that's been haunting him the most — the fact that he never said the words. That Cas never knew.

(Last night, Dean did everything in his power to show Cas, to make sure he knew. He wasn’t able to say the words, but Cas understood. He said so.)

Last night, Dean fell asleep with Cas in his arms.

Dean takes a deep breath through his nose. He's overreacting, he tells himself. Cas isn't used to sleeping. He probably just woke up first and took himself off to the kitchen to make coffee or something. Dean should be grateful he bothered to get dressed again fully — this way Sam won't get an eyeful.

It's fine.

Cas couldn't have known that Dean was looking forward to a morning cuddle — as far as he knows, Dean is always a bear in the mornings. That’s alright; he'll just have to make sure to tell Cas that he wants that in the future. Those words he can say.

For now, he'll find Cas and bring him back to bed. The rest of the world can wait until Dean's done basking in his incredible good fortune, thanks. He's truly free for the first time in his life, and now he has Cas beside him.

What more could Dean ask for?

Keep reading on Ao3 after Wednesday March 19 🌲Find more 2025 Pinefest previews here 🌲

[queermania]

Ack! I think tumblr ate my first attempt at sending this, so here it is again.

Thank you for being willing to entertain my horrible headcanon! Like I said when I checked about sending this, I'm a Chuck Won truther, but what if also: Hookman!Sam?

So, basically, what if there was a chunk of Chuck's power still lodged in Sam? And it latched onto Sam's lingering resentment/judgement/belief that he can never live a "normal" life unless he's free of Dean, a feeling he doesn't even realize he still has. And, just like Lori's subconscious judgement sent the Hookman after the people in her life, Sam's, fueled by Chuck's power, rewrote reality and caused all of *waves hand in the direction of the finale* that to happen.

And he has no idea.

Part of Sam didn't understand the extent of Dean's grief over Cas, and so he became a non-entity. Part of Sam he might not even be aware of believed his life would be better without Dean, and so then it was. (One last projection of his issues.) Some part still wanted that "normal" life, and so he got it, blurry wife and all.

(This is not Sam hate. I truly wish the show had done explored more of his issues with judgement and resentment. There's so much to chew on there.)

hi yes i love this. i am spinning it around in my brain like a rotisserie chicken but i want other people to be able to see it too while i continue to think about it 👀

[thevioletcaptain]

As part of this year’s @deancaspinefest, I created art for @andimeantittosting's gorgeous fake-married casefic, The Last Resort!

This is the second time I've created art for one of Lindsay's fics, and it was just as wonderful as the last time. Every time I went back to read the scenes I was illustrating, I'd get pulled back into the story and didn't stop until the end.

You can find the masterpost here on the Pinefest Blog, read the fic here on Ao3, and see the full-resolution art here on DeviantArt!

Please consider reblogging the masterpost so that more people can enjoy this excellent fic 💜

[mixtapebookclub]

This week join @malmuses, @ellen-of-oz, and our guest @andimeantittosting as we ask, "what if the show had ended differently?" We soothe our soul with some post-canon fics, discuss some episode codas, and chatter about creating in a post-canon world.  Warning: there are spoilers in this weeks episode!

The three main fics we read are: Welcome to Pine Shores! by @andimeantittosting take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden Tall Grass by aeli_kindara  (If authors have social media we aren’t aware of to tag, please let us know!) The Mixtape Book Club Podcast is available at mixtapebookclub.com, on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Podbean, Stitcher, and more!

http://www.mixtapebookclub.com/2020/11/track-6-post-canon/

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

@andimeantittosting replied to your post “Sorry i just need to ven but I don't like how...”

Also, I vividly recall a ton of fans, mostly Destiel fans in fact, raising a huge stink about it at the time. In that case, though, we thought it was on the writers, not the network, but Eileen's death was when we organized around the #FireBuckleming tag.

That’s true! Damn, it feels like a hundred years ago. What a wild ride this show has been.

[saltnhalo]

Congrats on the follower milestone! For a song prompt, how about Papa Was a Rodeo by the Magnetic Fields?

This is such an intriguing song, and gave me such strong early-season Dean feels!

Castiel meets him in a bar in downtown Lebanon, on a night that is warm and thick with possibility.

He is all grass-green eyes and curving smiles, sharp and relaxed all at once where he leans against the bar and converses easily with the bartender. The light enhances the spatter of his freckles, glows through the beer on the bar in front of him. He has one hand in the pocket of his jeans, effortlessly battered but clean, and his flannel hugs the planes of his body in a way that has more than half of the bar watching him.

He’s breathtaking.

Castiel wants to introduce himself, but he doesn’t—which is why he’s so surprised when the stranger appears by his elbow at the bar, twenty minutes later and with two beers in hand. There’s that smile again; flirtatious, confident, but with something fragile and glass-brittle behind it.

“Hey there. Mind if I join you?”

Castiel says yes. Of course he does—there’s no way he could say anything else, not to this man who has already stolen the focus from his mind and the breath from his lungs.

The beautiful guy with the green eyes takes the barstool beside Castiel’s.

His name is Dean.

They talk for a little while. Dean is in town for business, just passing through. The way he talks about his job is as if it’s all he’s ever known, this integral, gritty part of him that he somehow manages to give shape to despite being pretty light on the details. In turn, Castiel tells him about the bookstore he manages, about his aspirations of one day becoming a writer.

Dean listens with an intensity that makes Castiel feel as though his every word is heard, his lips always curled up into that captivating half-smile, and when Castiel finishes, he puts a hand on his knee and suggests they get out of here.

They end up at Castiel’s apartment—Dean’s motel is too far and, he claims, too messy to have company. That’s fine by Cas, considering he’s never had such a handsome man in his bed before. They trade glances and easy words as they walk back to his place, Dean still radiating that easy, magnetic energy, and share their first kiss once Castiel has closed the door of his apartment behind them.

Once that bridge has been crossed, everything intensifies from there.

Castiel would be powerless to stop himself, even if he could. Dean is like a drug, truly captivating in his guarded way. The walls he has up only makes Castiel want him more—want to tear them down, to find out what is on the inside of the tough, flirtatious exterior. To find out what makes Dean tick.

They’re in Castiel’s bed, half-clothed and trading feverish, desperate kisses, when Dean stops him with a hand on his chest. “Before we do this, you should know,” he starts, his voice quiet and a little breathless, “that I’m not looking for long-term, Cas. I’m leaving town in a few days’ time, I—I can’t.” He watches Castiel with dark eyes, and that fragile brokenness about him is coming through stronger than it has all night.

“It’s okay,” Castiel says, even though it isn’t, even though he wants to drown in this man forever and never come up for air.

Dean smiles that bold-fragile smile, leans down to kiss Cas, and anything else either of them might have said dissipates on the warm night air that blows in through the windows.

After, they lie tangled in Castiel’s sheets, sweat-damp and sated. Dean is just as perfect as Castiel had imagined, and now he’s hooked in every way imaginable.

So when Dean sits up, moving as though he’s going to leave, Castiel’s heart stutters helplessly in his chest.

“Dean,” he says, sharper and more desperate than he’d intended it. He makes sure to soften his voice when he says, quietly, “You don’t have to go, you know.”

In the light that filters in from the street-lamps outside the bedroom window, Castiel can see the corner of Dean’s mouth curl up in a bitter smile. It’s the most honest, the most raw, that Castiel has seen him all night. He’s broken, yes, but there’s so much beauty in his brokenness that it takes Castiel’s breath away.

“Don’t I?” Dean laughs mirthlessly. “This work is all I’ve ever known. It’s what I grew up doing, it’s what my dad taught me. It’s fucked up, but it’s who I am. I don’t really have a choice.”

Castiel reaches out, puts his hand on Dean’s shoulder. Beneath his touch, Dean freezes—and then slowly, in the ambient streetlight and the warm quiet of the night, the tension begins to unwind from him. He exhales slowly, closes his eyes, and leans into Castiel’s touch.

“You always have a choice, Dean,” Castiel whispers. His thumb rubs gently across Dean’s skin. “Always.”

[mittensmorgul]

Re: Adam, I've always been frustrated with the idea that Dean was somehow wrong or selfish to choose rescuing Sam over Adam from the cage, because even leaving out the fact that Dean basically raised Sam and barely knew Adam, the rest of Sam was *already walking around* and causing problems. You choose Adam, sure you've saved Adam, but Soulless!Sam doesn't just stop being a problem. Why not pick the one you've already got half of?

RIGHT?!

It was a FALSE CHOICE! It was the sort of thing Death has always done to make a point. To force Dean to face the reality of his situation. To force him to accept that his choices have consequences. That was the whole point of 6.11.

Well, that and the reminder that Dean... is different... he’s not just a guy, but part of this Bigger Cosmic Reality that he personally affects with all his choices.

[deancasfix]

Kelp! I Need Somebody by andimeantittosting

Wordcount: 27,090

Rating: E

Summary: It’s been a week since Michael was defeated and Dean freed, but Castiel can’t seem to get back on the horse. Dean, on the other hand appears to have bounced back completely, with one small exception: he no longer dares touch the now-human Cas at all.

When they receive a call from Jesse and Cesar to come investigate a series of mysterious drownings near their New Mexico ranch, Dean jumps on the job, much to Cas and Sam’s dismay. But more challenging than the kelpie they encounter, Jesse and Cesar’s relationship holds up a mirror, showing Dean and Cas the future they wish they could have. When Rowena and Charlie get involved, a shake-up is inevitable.

Casefics, canon divergence, and mutual pining go so well together, they’re practically a sub-genre of their own within the broader category of Dean/Cas fic, and this is one is a great example. Offering an alternative sequence of events leading to Michael being expelled from Dean’s body, it introduces a new tension between Dean and Cas that has them both awkward and unsure around each other, while their longing only intensifies. Of course, they both try to put their feelings aside in order to work a case, but it’s never that easy. The case is a good one: something is drowning people in a shallow body of water in New Mexico, and Cesar and Jesse need their help. I’ll be the first to admit: I adore those two, both in canon and fanon. They’re such a positive, powerful example of a strong, committed, healthy partnership, and it’s wonderful to see them given so much time here. The focus is still on Dean and Cas, though, and the little dance they do towards each other is pitch-perfect, with just the right amount of hesitance and miscommunication to make the eventual declarations all the more poignant. The case, which is dangerous and exciting and original, helps bring them together the way the best cases do, and with gorgeous artwork by cryptomoon, is one that will linger in your mind even after you’ve finished reading.