For some reason, it felt strange to walk back into the bullpen, even though he’d only been out a few weeks. It felt much longer, and almost like he didn’t belong. He hesitated momentarily when he realized that everyone, minus Kilbride was present.
“Deeks, aren’t you supposed to be home basking in the sun?” Callen asked when he saw them. He stood up long enough to smack Deeks on the back, more gently than usual, he noticed. He forced a smile past his bitterness.
“Tried that and got burnt,” Deeks joked. “Figured I’d try something a little less dangerous.”
“Don’t worry, he’s not here to do anything too strenuous,” Kensi interjected.
“Good,” Sam added, joining the group in the bullpen. “Cause I don’t want to see your butt out of that chair all day.”
“Yes, Sir,” Deeks said wryly. Kensi flashed him a “behave” look, squeezing his shoulder while Fatima stepped forward.
“Hey, I’m glad you’re back, Deeks. I’m trying to track down a guy with brown hair, a beetle tattoo on his hand, and an earring. Do you want to help me?”
“Nope, too old. Too young. Woman. Too blonde,” Fatima rattled off, sighing as they flipped through a series of series of pictures captured off of various surveillance cameras. “Ooh, he’s cute. But no spider tattoo.”
It was kind of tedious, but better than languishing at home. Or worse, being saddled with the good old cold case review.
“Hm, what about that guy? To the left, head down, gray jacket,” Deeks said, gesturing to the screen.
“Ooh, nice,” Fatima muttered. “Let me enlarge it. And that is definitely a spider tattoo. Alright, let’s see if we can get him at another angle and see his face.”
Five minutes later she announced,
“His name is Matt Bomer, no relation, and he lives in Reseda. Thanks, Deeks.”
“Great, let’s pick him up,” Deeks said, starting to get out of his chair.
“Nice try, but you know Kensi, Sam, and Callen would all kill me if I let you leave. I’ll have Tree go to his apartment.”
Deeks tilted his chin back, pursing his lips as he nodded. “Right. I forgot I’m on house arrest.” He hadn’t really expected for Fatima to actually fall for it, but it would have been nice.
“I’m really sorry, Deeks. Nothing would make me happier than if you could come with,” she apologized, true regret in her eyes.
“It’s ok, I was only joking. I’ll be fine here.”
“Ok. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Deeks fully intended to behave himself. He left OPS after a few minutes, planning to log into his laptop only to find that someone had revoked his access. That was the final straw and he was filled with the kind of anger he hadn’t felt in years. He was shaking with it.
He grabbed a change of workout gear he’d never cleaned out of his locker, and headed for the gym.
His anger fueled him though a mile jog and a few sets of pushups before his energy started to flag. He pushed on, powering through some pull-ups.
“Hey man, aren’t you supposed to be taking it kind of easy?” Rountree asked. Opening his eyes, Deeks saw he was leaning against the wall as Deeks struggled through another set of pull-ups. His shoulders burned and he felt just a touch nauseous, but he battled through.
“I get sick of not doing anything every day,” Deeks responded, inhaling and exhaling twice before he pulled himself up again. “Besides, maybe I’ll finally get some rest tonight.”
“Didn’t you say you were tired all the time?”
“Heh, funny thing about this whole kidney failure thing; you can be completely exhausted but barely sleep. Lots of time to think over your life and all that while you slowly go insane from insomnia.”
Rountree just stared at him for several long seconds, seeming kind of shocked. “Wow, that sucks,” he finally settled on. Deeks couldn’t help it, he laughed, breath escaping in uneven gasps.
“Yeah, you could say that.”
Releasing the bar, Deeks landed on his feet with surprising lightness for how much his body ached.
“I thought you were supposed to be picking up our spider loving suspect,” Deeks prompted, settling a hand on one hip as he sucked in deep breaths. Rountree was kind enough not to mention it.
“Yeah, I’m waiting on Fatima. Callen wants us to go together since this guy has a history of violence.” He lightly clapped his hands together, a touch of awkwardness in the press of his lips. “So, I guess I’ll just hang out here til then.”
“I don’t need a babysitter,” Deeks informed him flatly.
“I know. Look, I’m not going to pretend I know what you’re going through. For all I tease you about being old, you’re still young, end you were healthy up to this point. It’s not fair and…I would be frustrated and angry too. But pushing yourself like this isn’t going to help.”
“Glad to know that you don’t actually think I’m decrepit. Be honest with me though, Devin. Would you be able to just sit back and put up with all the restrictions?”
Rountree hesitated. It was just a second or two, but it was enough, and Deeks nodded.
“And there it is,” he said with grim satisfaction.
“Deeks, that’s not what I—”
“Agent Rountree, I believe you have a suspect to retrieve.”
They both turned towards the authoritative voice, not having noticed Admiral Kilbride enter the gym in the midst of their discussion.
“I know what you were doing, but I’ll deal with this situation,” Kilbride interrupted. “Agent Namazi is waiting for you. Thank you, Rountree.”
“Right,” Rountree said, eyes flicking to Deeks briefly. He looked dismayed, which Deeks really hadn’t intended. Rountree was just trying to look out for him. Even if it was freaking annoying. As Devin passed by on his way out, Deeks patted his shoulder, and said in an undertone,
“I appreciate the concern.”
Rountree offered a half-smile that was more grimace than anything, and made a hasty escape. Which left Deeks all alone with Kilbride.
Hands clasped behind his back, Kilbride paced closer, silently observing the recently used equipment and then Deeks sweat-stained body.
“I see you’ve been making good use of your time,” he observed mildly.
“Just trying to keep busy,” Deeks responded just as lightly. “It’s a little hard to do anything else since I’m apparently blocked from all the NCIS computers and databases.” He cleared his throat pointedly, moving to clean off the weights and other equipment he’d used.
“Clearly that was a mistake by an overzealous IT. I’ll have it fixed by the end of the day.”
“I appreciate that, Sir.” Their relationship still might be on the very rock side most days, but Deeks had come to respect Kilbride for his integrity, if not his tendency to catch Deeks at his worst.
Kilbride pursed his lips, gesturing with his chin towards the bench press.
“Have a seat, Deeks.” Before Deeks could protest, he held his hand up. “That’s not a suggestion. To put it kindly, you resemble my Aunt Margaret post heart attack.”
“You always do have a way with words,” Deeks commented wryly, taking a seat because he was tired and didn’t have the energy to be overly stubborn for no reason.
“Something we have in common,” Kilbride said unexpectedly. He rocked back on his heels for a few seconds, observing Deeks again. “So far, I’ve tried to keep my distance with regard to your current situation. You have your family, and your friends to support you.”
Deeks didn’t say anything, not entirely sure where this was going. It was
true that Kilbride had largely been hands off, other than approving medical leave.
“However, I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with Agent Rountree.”
“I’m not finished yet,” Kilbride said. “I’ve also heard through the grapevine, something that is entirely impossible to avoid in this office, about your team’s concerns. They seem to think you’re pushing yourself too hard, and not taking full advantage of the medical assistance at your disposal. “ He stopped then, eyeing Deeks expectantly.
“That’s not fully accurate. I just don’t want anyone turning their life anymore upside down than it already is on the small chance that it helps me,” Deeks explained doggedly. He’d gone over this so many times he was exhausted by the topic.
“I think they’d like to make that decision for themselves, Deeks.” Moving closer, Kilbride sat on one of the machines across from Deeks. He folded his hands between his legs, and offered his version of a smile. “In case you haven’t noticed it, this team would move hell and high water to help you.”
“I know.” He was humbled, and overwhelmed by that support. “But there, uh, a lot more to worry about than just my health,” Deeks murmured, looking slightly beyond Kilbride. All the other parts of his life were slowly falling apart along with his health.
Kilbride nodded with understanding in his eyes.
“What you need to worry about right now is getting better, Son,” Kilbride said, with more compassion than Deeks had ever heard from him. “When you get to the other side of this, rest assured that there will be a position for you on this team. It may not be quite the same, but you will be here. Because this team needs you.”
“Thank you, Sir.” Deeks swallowed heavily, not prepared for anything like that out of Kilbride. He’d expected a gruff speech about pulling up his bootstraps. Not compassion.
“And if you don’t do as I say, I will personally come kick your ass into shape,” Kilbride added, making Deeks laugh breathily. He nodded, once again beyond words.
