First Tony lost him, now he's lost Tony. Someone who he loves very dearly. Sometimes it doesn't feel real. Sometimes it's feels like he's in a bad dream and he'll wake up soon. Sometimes it feels like he'll see Tony when he goes to visit Morgan. But it's all real. Tony's gone. He wanted to talk to Pepper, someone else who was close to Tony. She said he reminded her too much of Tony. She just wasn't ready.
Steve left too and the hurt just got worse. He wishes he got the chance to talk to Steve but he couldn't. Steve left too. Another person he loves. Dont even get him started on Auntie Nat. He lost so many loved ones who were like his family. Were his family. Are his family. He didn't even think Steve would do that. Then again no one did.
All he does is play old security footage of him and Tony working together, Tony and Steve having silly arguments, Auntie Nat teaching him ballet, movie nights with everyone. Every now and then, he goes over his favorite dance, puts on Tony's music or even go the museum Steves in. He talks to Clint about Natasha and when that gets too painful, they just sit in silence.
The first person to find him crying after the funeral is Wanda. She finds him curled up in the compound in the screening room, watching an old video of Tony building a suit with him. She takes one look at him and wraps him up in a big hug. She remembered what it was like to lose her brother and she knows how much he's hurting and she knows he isn't ready to talk about it. Sometimes she finds him sitting in the dark and knows the silence kills him so she tells him stories about her brother just to keep his mind off of it so he doesn't shut down.
The next person to find him is Thor who wraps him up like a burrito and tells him stories about when the avengers first got together. How Tony made them get food after New York, how they all got closer after that. He once blew up on Thor about he doesn't understand. Thor tells him about losing his brother multiple times and the hurt never really goes away but it does start to hurt less
He then starts hiding out in other places because he doesn't want to talk about it. He gets sadder. He didn't get the time with Tony like everyone else.
Bucky and Sam find him one day with bags under his eyes, looking like he's seen a ghost. They both knew what it was like to lose someone close to them and it was worse for him because he lost 3 of them. Sam wraps him up and holds him close while Bucky runs a bath. Both gently encouraging and coaxing him to take a bath, it'll make him feel better. Sam tells him about Riley while he's sitting in the water staring at the wall. Bucky tells him about how he lost Steve multiple times in all different circumstances.
May once found Peter at Tony's house curled up with Morgan on the floor under a blanket Pepper put over them. Then May and Pepper talk about everything that happened and how much it has affected everyone and everything
The first person to get Peter to smile is Clint when he tells Peter about how Nat and he always talked about Budapest, about how they apparently remember it differently.
The next person is Wanda when she tells him about how Pietro would always hit on girls and how he once stole a dress to impress someone. She told him about how Pietro and Clint had this weird thing where they would try to surprise the other.
Everyone gets together for the first movie night in awhile at Peters request. Thor tell Peter about the time Loki stabbed him. Sam brings up how Steve used to tell everyone to watch their language.
Peter lost big parts of his family but he still has a lot of family left.
Connor is a very happy person. He has everything one could ever need – a stable job, a semi-dysfunctional family and one huge slobbering dog. There is nothing to complain about, nothing that would make his life uncomfortable. His kind has been given all the rights and freedom one such as them could ever ask for, all odds are in the favour of them integrating into the society with the status of being equal. He has made many acquaintances on both sides, some of which he dares to call friends. There is a roof over his head, a place to call home, even if he thinks he doesn’t need it.
Connor is happy. Or he’s supposed to be. He goes over all the good things that happened to him in his head every night before shutting down, reminding himself of all the nice words he’s received, all the positive aspects of him being alive. He repeats the phrase “I’m happy” to himself for as long as he can withstand it before it turns to something awful and volatile, a curse rather than a blessing. Every time he tries to take it back and make it become a phrase meant to cheer him up it breaks him a little. He’s been doing it for months now, and there are only so many times his soul can bear that kind of damage. It’s been months and months of Connor lying to himself that he’s doing great, that there is nothing missing that would make his existence more tolerable. That it’s never going to get any better, so he should as well enjoy what he has now before it all crumbles in front of him.
He doesn’t know why he feels so tragically empty, why he can’t stop seeing himself as an imitation of a real person. He doesn’t try to figure out the cause, since all his energy goes to pretending that everything is fine, that he doesn’t preconstruct all the means of deactivating his body when there’s nothing else going on inside his mind.
The only reason why he hasn’t gone through with it is because he’s scared, utterly terrified of death. But he also craves it, seeking it like it’s his adrenaline sport. Standing on roofs of tall building just a little closer to the edge than would be deemed safe, putting a gun to his temple when no one is watching, yet never once taking that one final step or pulling the trigger that would put him to rest.
Connor never actually does anything that would put him in lethal danger. Instead, he submits to the corrosive pain inside of him, letting it carry him through his days.
He’s thought nothing would ever change, at least not this soon, until the moment someone kissed him. But it wasn’t just someone and the kiss wasn’t just another vapid occurrence in his dull life.
It was detective Reed’s doing - the small bastard who thinks that he could hide his true feelings behind bullying and belligerence. He likes how wholly pathetic the irritable man’s behaviour truly is, it’s quite cute in his opinion. Like Reed’s supposed meanness could ever fool an advanced android such as himself, like their small strained conversations aren’t the highlight of Connor’s days. He’s not sure what he feels toward the man, if anything. Everything potentially pleasant is buried deep under the numbness that plagues his heart.
Despite all the signs Reed displays, Connor couldn’t imagine the detective actually acting on it, which has been just one of his many mistakes.
Because one of their heated chats in the vacant locker room somehow ended up in them making out like two secret lovers hiding from the rest of the world. It was nice, more than, but only while it lasted. The surprise of it, the closeness and all the fire that came with it made his mind temporarily blank in the best of ways. It was like he has lost his corporeal body and existed just as a concept, formless energy coursing into someone else’s mind, into a body that wasn’t tainted by the hideous beast that dwells inside of him.
When it ended, everything has become even worse. The vague taste of happiness still fresh enough to make him despise the fact that it doesn’t really belong to him, that he’ll never be free of his demons, even more.
That’s why he’s standing at the door to Gavin’s apartment, deciding whether he should knock or give up and leave because he doesn’t have a clear idea of what he’s going to do when he’s allowed in (if he’s allowed in.)
He turns around, dragging his feet from the closed entrance ever so tentatively, like he’s trying to convince himself that this isn’t the right choice. The further away he gets, the more he wants to see Gavin, and when he’s outside of the building (which he oh so unlawfully hacked into), he runs and runs until he’s back where he started.
But this time he knocks.
The head that peaks through the small crack between the door and the frame doesn’t suggest that he’s an awaited guest. But that’s isn’t all that shocking considering the inappropriate hour he chose to make some sort of a move toward what he has no idea about yet.
“Absolutely phcking not.” His voice is hoarse, his hair dishevelled, but it doesn’t look like the detective has been sleeping, judging not only by the speed at which he reacted to his late-night visitor.
“Please, Gavin.”
It’s the first time Connor has ever used his first name, still, it rolls off his tongue like it’s the most natural word in his vocabulary.
And it seems to do the magic since the crack widens and he’s being gestured to go inside.
The apartment is messy and unorganised, painting a perfect picture of the man who occupies it. It has more personality than Connor does, he thinks, but that isn’t all that of a difficult feat.
He watches Gavin jump on the sofa, being immediately followed by his fluffy roommate, who nestles in his lap. It’s a sightly picture, one that he sneakily stores in his files for the void times to come.
“Why are you here, Con.” Something inside him shifts at the uncharacteristically affectionate nickname, so much so he momentarily forgets his original intentions.
“Can I… “ He can’t summon the strength to voice the rest of the question so his hands try to mimic asking whether he can sit down next to him.
The silent nod he receives makes him hesitate because with it he notices how pretty Gavin’s face is when he blushes.
Eventually though, Connor finds himself looking for the least awkward position while being so close to the tense man.
Gavin is pretending that this situation doesn’t phase him at all, which is only causing to make him appear even more adorable in Connor’s eyes.
And that’s what makes his next sentence all that harder to say.
“I don’t think I want to live anymore.” Hearing it so loud and so raw and outside the borders of his mind reveals the weight of the statement to him. It makes him sound like a very cruel person, considering he’s well aware of Gavin’s feelings towards him, but Connor never claimed to be anything more.
“Did something happened or are you just generally fed up with everything?”
He almost wishes that he went through some tragedy, just so he can have a straightforward explanation for this sentiment.
“It’s just… I can’t stand being stuck with myself.”
It’s like he’s in a prison where death is the only escape route.
“Yeah, me too.”
“But… I think I don’t want to die either. It’s… complicated.” He wonders if Gavin is suffering from the same affliction, if he too spends hours fantasying about his own demise. Somehow it’s scary imagining that he might.
“That’s how life usually is, Con. Welcome to being a human.”
Gavin scoots a little closer to him, so much so their thighs are touching and Connor can smell the lemony scent of the shampoo still lingering on the detectives’ bed-hair. It’s more than just data to him, nothing is that easily defined anymore, not since he has deviated.
“It’s better when I’m near you though, like I can stop existing solely inside of me. It doesn’t make much sense, I know but… that’s why I came here. So it doesn’t hurt as much.”
The man puts his head on Connor’s shoulder, breathing in as to cool his overheating insides. It’s nice to have someone feel similar enough to him, it makes him gain a sense of belonging he’s been lacking almost his entire life.
“I… I can’t fix you, Connor.”
“I know and I’m not asking you to. Just…”
Connor places his own head on Gavin’s and gently clutches his trembling hand.
“...stay with me. Show me what happiness can look like.”
Gavin is so warm and his presence so soothing that he can make himself believe that they could maybe find it one day, the beauty in being alive.
“Okay, okay. But once I do you’ll never get rid of me, tin can. I’m too selfish to let you slip away.”
@convinseptember enjoy some freshly served angst xD
So you know how the rules state that the killing game continues until there are two survivors right?
Well, it's likely that Tsumugi would be one of them, given how she's part of team Danganronpa and the mastermind and she mentions how she's masterminded the past 53 seasons or whatever (Idk if she's referencing Junko here or whether Tsumugi's masterminded previous games but whatever) Welp since anime rules apply here, it means the other survivor would be... Shuichi.
He's our protag after all.
So, the 53rd season of DRV3 ends in Tsumugi and Shuichi being the two survivors. Which means they have to participate in season 54. It could be that Shuichi gets very close to ending it all but doesn't quite manage to win over Himiko and Maki's votes so thus the killing games carry on and Danganronpa continues to sweep the globe.
Season 54 rolls around.
Shuichi Saihara becomes the Ultimate Survivor now. Tsumugi is still the mastermind, but takes on a new Ultimate talent too... The Ultimate Ballroom Dancer, and Tsumugi might go by a new alias too.
Shuichi obviously forgets everything about the 53rd season of DR.
Tsumugi still remembers though, as she's the mastermind. So she probably feels pretty pissed at how close Shuichi came to unravelling everything so she harbours a grudge.
The school gets repaired and construction work happens (since you see the exisals working away at the school and some places of the school aren't as elegant as the others, which suggests the exisals might be busy removing parts of the labs and refurbing places of the school that happened in the 52nd season as you're playing drv3)
ANYWAYS, this means that the Ultimate Research Talent Labs are redone. So... Tsumugi ends up getting her ballroom... And its one of the first labs the 54th season cast find... Shuichi gets curious and goes in there one night.
He sees a flash and suddenly remembers something. This Ballroom Dancer Lab used to have a piano in... He begins to remember Kaede and swears he can see something. Not just something... Someone... Someones.
He starts seeing everyone that died in the 53rd season dancing about the ballroom (yes I did get inspiration from Anastasia's "Once Upon a December") Shuichi is suddenly hit with all these memories from the 53rd season and realises that he's back in the killing game and fictional world of DR and freaks out. He's dancing with Kaede and openly weeping at holding onto this small fragment of happiness at feeling a bit more whole again. And just embracing that small moment of happiness of seeing everyone from the 53rd season again and dancing with Kaede. The song fades out and she kisses his forehead which leaves him in the empty Ballroom Dancer's Lab shaking and crying.
He remembers.
He knows what the Ultimate Ballroom Dancer's real talent and real personality is.
The first trial of season 54 happens.
The Ultimate Ballroom Dancer is the victim. Shuichi Saihara is the blackened.
The remaining 14 students of season 54 don't understand how a killing can happen so quickly, but when they get to their trial 6, they find out that Shuichi has written out everything he remembers and the truth that he was so close to attaining and begs the remaining cast of season 54 to end this for him, because he has to get vengeance for his fallen classmates.
"So please... I beg of you. End this.
End this stupid game.
End this idiotic and barbaric charade...
End the Danganronpa franchise.
Abandon your votes. Refuse to participate in the class trials.
A heavy ex-vent — maybe he has grown soft. Pathetic.
He shouldn't feel this way, let alone be impacted so severely by how his thoughts twist his spark painfully, pissing him off.
Alone; he deserved that. Forgotten; he shut everyone else out for a reason. Unworthy; the world is right to be afraid of him.
Silenced.
Ignored.
Teal optics flare harshly through the dimness, a clenched fist trembling at his side. 'Damn fool. What do you even want anymore?' Somehow, part of him feels as though it's slipping away, and no matter how he sinks his fingers in, he can't hold on. Maybe he isn't meant to, forced to endure this nameless, agonizing, phantom amputation of self.
Dreams already dead, rotting in the dust, he thinks he should bury expectation with them. But how much more can he let go before there's nothing left?
I failed the first two midterms in one class and at this point the highest grade I can receive in the class is an 82, and that's if I get 100s on both the next midterm and the final and I don't want to drop because I hate quitting anything when I don't have to and I don't want it to show that I dropped on my transcript and my professor's just emailed me and asked for me to come to his office class tomorrow and he's probably going to tell me to drop and retake next semester and then I have to tell my parents and other people that I'm dropping a class and it's just a mess and I'm so upset with myself that I just want to sleep until next semester so I can start fresh. And I don't even know what to do because I do this thing where things get so tense and so stressful that I just shut down and do nothing, even though I know I need to be doing things to fix what's happening but I'm so stressed that I can't and so I sit and hate myself over it and everything just sort of sucks right now.
