#angstober2023

[wardenred]

Angstober 31: Won't Forget

And to round another month of flash fiction off, a tiny Halloween-appropriate drabble. Whew!

“Memory spells are tricky and fickle  things,” the witch explains. “I can erase this man from your mind, for sure. The time you spent together, and how he loved you, and how he hurt you. Your heart, though... The heart won’t forget. It will be as broken as ever, full of feelings you can’t explain. All the dreams with their razor-sharp edges. Are you sure you want this?”

She hopes her customer hesitates.

They say, “Do it.”

I will see them here again, the witch thinks, and wonders fleetingly why the notion squeezes around her own heart like a manacle.

[wardenred]

Angstober 29: Almost

Oh, look, it's my favorite angsty trope.

Some days, I'm not sure if it's our friendship I mourn or the possibilities that are gone with it.

It feels selfish to think this way. I don't know why.

But there was always something about us, wasn't there? An undercurrent beyond the laughter and the banter of the early days, the increasingly frequent arguments later. When we held hands like little kids, unthinking, just because. When you fell asleep with your head on my shoulder When I stayed over and we shared a bed—platonically, simply because your couch was so small and lumpy, but we always woke up entwined. There was something there. A chance none of us dared to take, for the fear of ruining what we had.

(Was I the only one who wanted it, after all? Did I imagine everything I saw in your eyes on those long nights and languid mornings? Was I fooling myself about you, always, on more than one account?)

And then later, too. When we were only friends in name, when every conversation ended in yelling at each other. When you called me a fool, and I called you a traitor, right before the door slammed for the final time—wasn't there something? In some alternate reality, did you push me against the nearest wall? Did I kiss you to shut you up?

Now, none of it is allowed to matter. You've chosen your side, and I've chosen mine, and the next time we meet will be as enemies. Honest and simple.

Our past will never be so clear-cut. I feel like even in ten, twenty, fifty years, I will look back and see—no, not a friendship. A maybe, a what if, an almost.

And even that is going to be better than the big, fat nothing that we are to each other at present.

[possibility221]

Angstober 2023, Oct. 31 prompt: Won't Forget

Elementary episode: 5x24

[areyouokaypanda]

@angstober Day 31: Won't Forget

[wardenred]

Angstober 25: Tired of Fighting

Even more MTWNK. Yes, I'm annoyed at Bariq for being hopelessly obtuse in the actual draft, so I'm coping by writing angsty flash fic where he's just as obtuse. What do you mean it's counterintuitive? :D

"I am so impossibly tired of fighting," Veliesh said in a small voice.

Bariq nearly choked on a sigh. Vel didn't look up from his lap, so probably the crackling of the flames obscured the odd sound. Well, that, and all the other noises around the campsite: Kastur picketing the horses and hauling bags closer to the fire, Vezee crooning at the forget-me-nots she was picking. The horses themselves, too. Those beasts were endlessly huffing and chewing on grass and generally shuffling about.

Bariq still wasn't used to having them around, let alone riding one. Walking might be slower, but it was just so much more convenient. You only had your own body to manage.

"I'm tired of it, too," he said softly, settling down next to Vel. Their shoulders brushed, and he winced when his friend stiffened and moved away. "We don't have to fight, though, do we?"

"At the rate things are going, the only way for us to stop is if I give in. What if I don't want to?"

Bariq frowned. He genuinely didn't think about this in such terms. He wasn't after a victory in this conflict, so no one needed to lose—or surrender. They had the same goal here, didn't they? They both wanted what was best for Veliesh. Right?

"Do you ever feel like we're not even speaking the same language?"

He didn't mean to let it slip. He wished he could catch the words with his teeth and swallow them right back.

Vel let out a shaky breath with a hint of laughter. "All the damn time."

"I just want you to be safe."

"I just want to be."

Over and over, they told each other this, empty phrases that were starting to lose all meaning. Bariq pressed down hard on the ball of frustration growing in his chest. The ball won.

"How the fuck am I preventing you from being by caring about you?"

"If you truly cared about me, you wouldn't insist that I give up on my magic."

"I'm not doing that!" Bariq whisper-shouted. Across the fire, Rinouk looked up, worry splashing around in their brown eyes. He glared at them, and immediately felt guilty. "I'm not—Vel. Please. You are this party's leading spell-caster, and don't think I don't appreciate what you do for all of us in and out of battles. I don't have any issues with your magic as a concept."

"Could've fooled me," Vel muttered, crossing his arms. Bariq still tried to go on.

"It's just the specific things. The bad things. Surely you understand—"

"I think understanding your point is the worst possible thing I could do for myself."

Bariq gritted his teeth.

It was all because of that Sufjen guy for sure.

[wardenred]

Angstober 24: Taught You Better

More MTWNK, sort of a prequel to this fluffy snippet. I've always felt that Dagatha was raised by someone who was perpetually "not mad, just disappointed," so. Yeah.

“Didn’t we teach you better than this?” the Head Friar asked. “The Goddess’s way is about kindness and sacrifice. You’re not honoring her on your journeys, Dagatha. Instead, you’re spreading violence and greed, just like all the others—” His upper lip curled, and he spat out the next word as though it was a slice of rotten meat stuck in his throat, “Adventurers. We sent you on this mission to change the Union for the better; instead, you allowed them to change you for the worse.”

Dagatha studied the patterns on the floor. The faint white lines looked like cracks against the backdrop of dove-gray stone, but she knew they’d been put there on purpose, painted by the Goddess-sworn artisans on moonless night as an offering. Twenty-two people working in the dark with black scarves tied over their eyes, able to rely on nothing but skill and faith.

A rather accurate representation of what the monastery expected from her, come to think of it.

“Well?” the Head Friar prodded. “Is there anything you can say for yourself?”

Mutely, she shook her head. A wordless lie. There were rather a lot of things she wanted to say, but what was the point? Her old mentor had already made up his mind. By disagreeing with him, she would only prove him right.

How could she explain that violence sometimes was the only answer, when it came to putting down monsters that only wished to destroy? That there was a difference between greed and wishing to be fed and clothed and alive on your own terms? That the world outside these prayer-filled walls was so much vaster, so much more complicated than the monks could imagine?

The Head Friar let out a heavy sigh. “Oh, Dagatha. I’m not angry, you know. I’m merely disappointed.”

The tingling sensation in her nose intensified.

[possibility221]

Angstober 2023, Oct. 30 prompt: Full Circle

Elementary episodes: 1x08, 7x02, 1x01, 7x13

[areyouokaypanda]

@angstober Day 30: Full Circle