summary: obito uchiha does not know how to love by halves. a relationship with him is filled with devotion, difficult vulnerability, stolen moments and teaching a man who once abandoned the future that he is allowed to have one with you
word count: 1,196
content: obito uchiha x gn!reader, fluff, hurt/comfort, references to grief and trauma, jealousy, protective behaviour
a/n: why does he look so good in this screenshot specifically you can't even see his face...
Loving Obito feels like standing among the remains of a ruined world and watching him choose, day after day, to build something new within it. He loves like a man who once mistook grief for the end of all things—fiercely, imperfectly, with both hands gripped around every ordinary happiness as though daring fate to take it from him. There is nothing casual about being cherished by Obito Uchiha. Even peace feels hard-won in his arms.
Obito does not know how to love by halves. Once he has chosen you, that decision settles somewhere immovable inside him; beneath the cynicism, the secrets and every instinct urging him to remain unreachable. His love is consuming without being fleeting, expressed with the same terrible certainty that has guided every other conviction in his life. It takes time before he can say what you mean to him plainly, but his behaviour betrays him long before his mouth does. You become the person he comes home to, the voice he listens for and the one presence capable of making him hesitate when the darker parts of his mind threaten to carry him away.
His affection is not as loud as his devotion. Obito rarely announces the things he does for you, and he becomes evasive when you notice them. The repaired clasp left beside your belongings, the meal kept warm when you return late, the task you had been dreading mysteriously completed in your absence. He memorises your habits without meaning to, learning what unsettles you, what comforts you and the food you prefer when you have had a bad day. If you thank him, he simply shrugs and insists it was nothing, as though he had not spent half the day ensuring you would have an easier evening.
Obito is a shameless thief when it comes to your time. Kamui becomes less of a fearsome space-time technique and more of a means to appear beside you whenever he decides you have been apart for long enough. He materialises in quiet rooms without warning, steals you away from tedious errands and occasionally deposits himself directly in your path because he wants your attention. His expression remains perfectly composed while you scold him, but the curve at the corner of his mouth gives him away every time. There is still something of the troublesome boy he once was buried beneath everything else and you are one of the few people permitted to see it.
Physical affection becomes one of the clearest signs that Obito trusts you. He is guarded at first, too conscious of every scar and too accustomed to touch preceding violence, restraint or loss. Once that barrier breaks, however, he gravitates towards you almost involuntarily. His hand settles against the small of your back when you pass him; his fingers curl around your wrist when he wants you to stay; his head finds your lap during rare, exhausted evenings when maintaining his defences becomes too much effort. He particularly likes holding you against his chest, where your warmth and breathing offer tangible proof that you are here.
Making you laugh becomes one of Obito’s private forms of rebellion. His humour is often dry, delivered with such a straight face that it takes you a moment to realise he is teasing but your laughter always draws out a softer expression than he intended to reveal. He will provoke you deliberately once he learns which remarks earn an indignant shove, and he remains insufferably pleased whenever you retaliate. Joy once seemed childish to him, something belonging to a version of himself he had buried, but with you, he begins to reclaim it without feeling that he has betrayed everything he lost.
Arguments with Obito are rarely only about what was said. Fear lives beneath much of his anger, particularly where your safety is involved, and he has a terrible habit of treating vulnerability like a weakness an opponent might exploit. His first instinct is to withdraw, sometimes so completely that even reaching him feels impossible. A relationship with him requires the difficult lesson that disappearing cannot resolve conflict, and Obito must learn to return before silence hardens into another wall between you. His apologies are blunt and sometimes awkward, but always sincere; he will sit beside you, admit where he was wrong and remain for the conversation even when every instinct tells him to flee.
Obito must learn that protecting you is not the same as deciding for you. He notices danger quickly and reacts to it with frightening efficiency but his fear of losing you can make him secretive, overbearing or too willing to remove your choices in the name of keeping you safe. You refusing to accept that unsettles him because, somewhere beneath his defensiveness, he knows you are right. Loving you means trusting your judgement as well as his own, sharing what he knows and standing beside you rather than placing himself between you and the world. It is not an easy lesson for him, but it is one he takes seriously because he refuses to turn his love into another cage.
Jealousy finds Obito far more easily than confession does. He trusts you but he does not always trust the intentions of the people surrounding you, and his displeasure manifests in prolonged stares, clipped replies and a sudden insistence upon occupying the space at your side. He will deny being jealous even while resting a possessive hand against your hip and silently daring the offending person to continue flirting. Teasing him about it earns you a narrowed eye and an abrupt change of subject, though later when you are alone he draws you closer with an uncharacteristically honest admission that he still struggles to believe something precious can belong in his life without being taken away.
Obito keeps every little proof that you have built a life together. Notes you leave him are folded and hidden away; gifts are carefully preserved regardless of their value; even mundane objects acquire significance because your hands once touched them. He remembers anniversaries you have forgotten and can recall the exact place you were standing when you first said you loved him. There is grief within this habit, an old compulsion to preserve what he fears he may lose, but gradually the collection becomes less like a memorial and more like a history—evidence not of something ended, but of something finally continuing.
The future is the most intimate thing you can offer Obito. Grand declarations affect him less than hearing you casually include him in plans for next month, next winter or several years from now. A second cup placed beside your own at breakfast, space made for his belongings and an absent-minded question about what he wants for dinner can leave him quieter than any declaration. Obito spent too long believing there was nothing ahead of him except an empty dream, so your ordinary promises become sacred—another morning, another meal, another night with your body warm beside his. He might never stop fearing that happiness is temporary but loving you teaches him that impermanence does not make it false, and that he is allowed to remain long enough to see what comes next.
All rights reserved. Please do not repost, copy, translate, plagiarise, or feed my work into AI. Reblogs are deeply appreciated; reposts are not permitted.
i wanted to write a kemonomimi reader x uchiha boys fanfic but i lost the spark for it so it's a nothingburger. but i did make this doodle and in the end i decided i wanna share what i have because it has the wholesome funnies :D
messy wall of text below cut.
since it went nowhere, idk i'm just gonna leave the general idea behind the character and his kemonomimi girl's first meeting because this fic haunted me for a month. it was going to be a two parter. 1) first meeting. 2) subsequent romance section of fluff and headcanons.
also bonus: excerpts from the few paragraphs that i have written that i thought were nice.
sasuke is going through the hoard of scrolls in orochi's hideout. finds a really cool and beautifully engraved scroll. intrigued by it, he summons. the smoke twirls in more colors than is usual, it's unique, it's brimming with power, power that would be enough to strike fear into hearts of weaklings. he feels himself getting excited. what is it going to be? is he going to summon a cool beast of destruction, cooler than orochi's snakes? a hydra with 9 heads? no. long ears and a fluffed tail; it's a bunnygirl. sasuke is incredulous. bunnygirl insists that she's now his guardian, as the scroll actually summons your guardian spirit and takes the shape of an animal closest to your soul (yes i do like harry potter). he's pissy that he got a bunny instead of something cool and threatens that if anyone needs 'protection' it's her as she's literally a prey animal in a den of snakes. following that, as he's lowkey offended that she implied that he's spiritually a bunny, he's kinda mean towards bunnygirl. bunnygirl, aware of the insecurity motivated tantrum that her idiot summoner is throwing, softens him up as the ficie progresses. being sweet and lovable nets her repeated summons as sasuke only pretends he doesn't like her company. in reality he's incredibly lonely and cherishes every second spent with her and summons her on quiet evenings after training. grumpy x sunshine my beloved.
itachi meets deergirl when he and kisame take a little breather in an abandoned outpost surrounded by forest. kisame leaves to scout ahead. itachi sits on the veranda of the building. he's grateful that kisame agreed to rest a bit, considering that itachi's frail health means that he wouldn't have been able to keep up with him for long. as much as he appreciates the other man, he doesn't exactly... trust him. so he sends one crow to tail kisame, to ensure that he doesn't stir any trouble on the off-chance that they're not alone. soon after, he senses deergirl watching him intently, pretty eyes peeking from the bushes. says that he can see her. seeing as his soft tone and gentle demeanor mean no harm, deergirl steps out and warily approaches him. itachi recalls something about how this land used to belong to the nara clan before they assimilated into konoha, so finding deer here isn't all that surprising. deergirls on the other hand... he asks about her, she responds that she's here to guard the land and he's an intruder. itachi apologizes and is about to move but she stops him and tells him that she doesn't actually sense malice on him, so he can stay. [insert a sweet and melancholic scene here as itachi is surprised she can't sense darkness in him considering what he's done, deergirl tells him that he just feels really... sad]. kisame comes back. deergirl immediately takes on a defensive stance, terrified of him. kisame doesn't bother with words and grips samehada's handle. itachi steps in front of deergirl and warns kisame to back off, as she's not an enemy. kisame groans but relents (and here he was already itching for a fight, smh...). deergirl, to show gratitude, tells itachi to stay as the sun is already hiding beneath the horizon and the outpost is a good shelter. itachi tells her that he can't. so instead of that, deergirl tags along with the two of them until they're out of the area. after all, this land is hers to watch over and so are the people inside of it. [insert a wholesome scene of deergirl helping itachi recover at a campfire later that night before they part ways come morning.] a sort of pink among the grey dynamic with deergirl being the splash of pink in itachi's otherwise very grey life.
little known fact, the time madara unleashes kurama on konoha isn't actually his first attempt at it. the first time he tries to do it, he summons... a foxgirl. close enough.
he stands atop a precipice. powerful. grand. chakra surges all around him before it's contained within his palm and he presses it to the scroll and roars kurama's name. this is it. the air stills as if it's a moment of calm before the storm. soon it's to be a moment of absolute dominance as madara will bend the nine tails to his will, a perfect weapon of destruction. massive smoke erupts at his summon, but as it disperses, so does the overwhelming power of kurama's chakra. it feels as though madara just barely touched upon something that feels like kurama, but isn't. madara sneers; in kurama's place sits a girl. definitely not the beast of destruction he was hoping for. fluffy white-tipped tail swishes mischievously, and a fox ear flicks. and from the very first flick... it pisses madara off. he pushes her aside and tries again. pop! the same foxgirl is in front of him again. she teases him about how doing the same thing over and over again will make him go insane, though as he's trying to summon kurama, he's probably a bit cuckoo already. he begins to suspect it's a genjutsu trick, his sharingan spins wildly, but he can detect no deception. so he demands foxgirl to tell him what happened. he is sure he sealed kurama into the scroll, so where is the nine tails?! foxgirl muses that it's not that simple to seal a tailed beast and that kurama slipped from his grasp at the last second, and was replaced by her. madara attempts to control her with his sharingan to force her to help him with summoning kurama, but she swiftly slips past him, tail caressing his hand as he hears her voice from behind. she says that she knows how where to find kurama, that she wasn't particularly happy about kurama using her as a substitution, and that she likes powerful men. so. it's his lucky day. she's going to help him. but he's gotta play nice and listen to her. see, foxgirl is smart. foxgirl drags madara through several inns, restaurants and other high-end places on a one-week adventure across several nations [aka the part where i would've written the fluff and madara's bitter ass getting a taste of fun but alas]. and only then foxgirl would've led madara to the location kurama manifested. oopsies, helped the villain. happens. anger-issues tsundere madara x his ragebaiter.
here's your cute forest critter, sasuke.
here's your cute forest critter, itachi.
here's your cute forest critter, madara.
and here's your magical fucking dragon, special snowflake princess obito.
i've shared a mini excerpt of obito's portion of the ficie some time before. this is the scenario for which i wrote the most and had the clearest idea for what i wanted out of it, but still couldn't complete it fml 🤣💔
tobi and deidara seek out a relic that will help them gather the tailed beasts. deidara thinks it's just pain being into woowoo shit. pain has the personality for it so nobody's surprised. i mean whatever, a job's a job. however, the idea is obito's, as he hopes that the powerful relic will help him not just with gathering the tailed beasts but to remove the curse seal madara had placed inside of him. the two of them wander through a cavern, an instance not complete without tobi trying to piss deidara off at every step. eventually they find a stone statue of a dragon at its dead end. deidara notices an offering bowl and tells tobi that the artefact probably needs an offering to work. but obito decides he can make it work through brute force and channels chakra into the statue. it awakens. but the powerful entity isn't exactly an inanimate artefact, it's a dragongirl. she stares at obito, essentially her summoner. despite his silly demeanor, she can immediately feel that something is wrong with this man. a powerfully dark, intense, overwhelming chakra signature emanated from him as he called to awaken her, and though it's subdued now, it's faint but still there. no weak person could summon a dragon to begin with. there's more to this masked man than meets the eye. she mentions it, but he stays in-character as tobi, feigning ignorance and calling her a 'crazy lizard trying to attack poor tobi' or smth ridonkulous like that. so she confronts him directly about it, demanding that he either reveals who he is or they'll be receiving no help from her. realizing that she's cut through the facade, obito caves. first, she asks for his name. he only gives it once deidara is out of earshot. she finds him interesting, all wise beings are drawn to gathering knowledge of the peculiar, so they form a summoning pact; she helps him and he keeps her around. while she doesn't have the power to undo the curse seal, she can pinpoint where the tailed beasts are, so they spend quite a bit of time together. time that obito would've otherwise spent brooding. of course, eventually she asks to see his face, to learn more about him, to understand what sort of person he is. [insert a thousand bonding scenes with obito relearning what it's like to feel like you matter to someone :')]. wise dragoness x edgy dumbass (dragoness is such an enabler lmao).
Back on my uchiha shit after 6 years because my life is just a circle. Throw me some fic recs, I will fuck literally any of them except Sasuke (Itachi's my personal fav tho)
Hi! Could you write something about Obito Uchiha x Reader? Something post au- war (In my heart he’s still alive lol)? Please please pretty please!👉🏼👈🏼❤️🔥
hate you in the morning ──── o. uchiha
only one other person had ever known about your love for Obito–and only one other person knew about the promise you made after his death. years later, that promise had hardened into bitterness. then the impossible happened. Obito Uchiha wasn't dead. he never had been. somehow, that hurt even more.
༝༚༝༚
𝑒𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑒
𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬
𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬
ㅤ♡ obito uchiha x anbucaptain!reader
ㅤ♡ not following the anime
ㅤ♡ clean, angst romance, kakashi lowkey playing cupid
ㅤ♡ 1.1k words
ㅤ♡ a/n i don't normally write for people that aren't listed on my profile, but i will
make an exception simply because i like obito, requests get priority
now playing: clara mae - loved you once
ㅤd r a b b l e
03:00
It was still dark out.
You slipped on your shoes, wrapped a blanket around your night dress, and headed out.
Lamp posts lit your way through the village, and with no destination in mind, you let your legs carry you until they grew tired.
You curled up on a bench. The war was over––but that didn’t matter. Nightmares weren’t what kept you from sleeping. You pulled the blanket tighter around yourself, eyes falling shut.
“You still do this?”
The voice didn’t startle you. You’d felt his presence before he appeared, he must have been able to tell you weren't in the mood for jokes.
Kakashi’s sigh hovered over your head. “How long will you do this to yourself?”
You didn’t have an answer. Everything you thought you knew—everything about your promise—everything was—
“—chan…” Kakashi pulled his mask down and stuffed a cigarette between his lips.
“Those are bad for you.”
He raised an eyebrow at your little smile. You took the lighter from his pants pocket and motioned him forward. The fire between you was warm, it had you shivering when you snuffed it out.
“Thanks.” He took a long hit, leaning over the bench with his arms crossed over each other.
You pressed your lips together and turned away from the smoke.
“How is he?” The question on the tip of your tongue ever since the beginning. Since you first learned he was alive.
Kakashi watched you swipe away at the tears that pooled in your eyes. “You should see for yourself.”
“You knew I can’t do that.”
“I’m sure he’d be happy to see you—”
“—Well I don’t want to see him.” Your words held a bitterness Kakashi had never heard. He could understand though, he knew exactly how you felt––he’d felt the same way toward himself once upon a time.
“You’re angry…” he summarized.
“That doesn’t even begin to describe it.” You scoffed, hiding another tear.
Kakashi’s sigh was heavy, like he was carrying the weight of the world and he had to act like everything was okay.
That’s certainly how you felt.
“Will you go back to the Anbu?”
“—Is there a reason not to?”
“You answered too fast.”
You bit your lip. Kakashi was observant like that. Sometimes, you detested him for it. “I hate him, Kakashi.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“...I think I do.” Your voice shook a little now, the first coming of a breakdown.
Kakashi inhaled for another heartbeat before releasing the toxin away from your face. “You know what I think?”
You kept your head turned, gaze hooked on nothing in particular.
“I think you’re angry. I think you have every right to be, but I also think you’re hurting—more so than before. I think you want an explanation, but you’re too stubborn to admit that, especially to him—
Your head jerked up and Kakashi stood straighter.
“Just me.”
Your heart folded in your chest. Your shoulders shook as he approached.
“Obito.” Kakashi said, and you could tell he was eyeing you. “What are you doing out here?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt…”
He was looking at you, wasn’t he? He was. You could feel it––his presence had gotten so strong. He was nothing like the kid from before; nothing like the boy you’d fallen in love with. “Oh,” Kakashi laughed, “You’re kidding right? Don’t you remember—
“—Kakashi.”
Your eyes remained glued to the floor, but now you had shifted. How well he could see in the dark, you had no idea. You were hoping not enough to recognize you.
“––san?”
Nothing could ever go your way, could it?
“Oh, I didn’t even recognize you.” He laughed slightly, but nothing was funny.
“I wonder who's at fault.”
“Huh?” His mouth dropped open slightly when you finally found the courage to push off the bench and face him.
You hated him.
You did.
You hated him so much—so then why?
Why couldn’t you stop crying?
Why were you like this?
“Uhm,” he choked, glancing at Kakashi for help.
“It’s been years, ––chan. If you’re not honest now, when will you be?”
“You have no room to talk––”
“––No. I don’t.” He agreed. “But give him a chance.”
Your teeth grit and when he disappeared, you turned away.
“What…” He’d only taken one step before you froze him in place with your expression. He turned away, face falling sullen. “You hate me, don’t you?”
You had just told Kakashi as much—so why was it so hard to say it now?
“Look, for everything. I know I have a lot to atone for—
“You idiot.” You bit out, bottom lip wobbling. Your blanket created a cocoon around your body, protecting you from all the things he might say.
“I know.” He covered half his face with one hand. “I betrayed the village. I—I did a lot of wrong. I probably disappointed a lot of people—”
He stumbled back against a lamppost. Half of your blanket lay across the bench and half lay in the dirt. You hated him. That much was true…
But not for the reasons he was spouting.
“You’re such an idiot—” Your hair fell down your back in angry tangles and hot tears ran down your cheek. “What are you even doing back here, hah?” You stepped forward, cranking one arm back.
He tensed, ready to take your punch.
He was so much taller now. He had muscle.
“You used to be so scrawny.”
His eyes opened, catching sight of your fist beside his cheek.
“It was so easy to tease you back then.”
His eyes went wide and his arms shot out to steady you.
“Did you ever wonder why? Why I made fun of you?” You laughed through another sob. “You were always so in love with her. I knew that." Your chest was heaving now. "I accepted that…
You moved your fisted hand across your eyes.
"But to think… You loved her so much that when she died...you decided the rest of us weren't enough to come home for." Your voice was cracking with every other word and your fury seemed so palpable.
Your fists connected with his chest. They were about as powerful as he’d remembered them at fourteen. His mind tried to work around what you were saying. Had he ever thought about why?
“After they told us you were dead…”
Silence.
“I made myself a promise.”
He couldn't move.
“...I'd never love anyone again.”
He stared at you.
Like he'd forgotten how to blink.
Like the world had stopped turning.
You were still crying.
Still hitting him.
Still angry.
"You didn't know." You smiled without humor. “Would it have mattered?”
You blinked away another sob and turned back toward the bench when he failed to respond.
“Goodnight, Obito. I’m sure I’ll hate you again in the morning.”
this post is about sexual relationships. !!! NSFT !!!
the categories are from prosopa insights, i didn't make them and they aren't scientific, just for fun. everything is explained below the line. written impromptu and not proofread.
whew with that out of the way, it's time to psychoanalyze these badboys.
quick rundown: the 4 primary categories (romantic, adventurous, dutiful, nurturing) describe a healthy range of sexuality. the 8 sub-categories (jealous, indulgent, obsessive, domineering, frigid, neurotic, hyper-sensitive, delusional) are unhealthy variants of their primary category.
ROMANTIC
The classic lover. Someone who sees sex as a thing of beauty, something to be enjoyed, or help their lover enjoy it. To them, sex is an expression of love for others, for beauty, and enjoying the finer things of life.
Rock Lee. Sex is either a loving, affectionate, fun endeavor or he'd rather not have it at all. This is a very earnest character. A romantic who beams with youthful passion and vitality, and while yes, it's important to expunge all that sexual energy, he would only do it in a warm, safe, loving context where he knows for sure the other party is thoroughly enjoying themselves. I imagine a lively, engaging time with him, lots of verbal affirmation and intentional, cautious soft touching that gradually evolves into more playful, more careless caressing and stroking as you both relax and get into the rythm of it. Related, definitely an enjoyer of showy displays of affection. Also I think he'd start out very standard-traditional but can basically adapt to anything that sounds pleasant and interesting. Very sweet with a dash of playfulness to keep things engaging. Standard romantic type, very perfect to start off this list with 'cause he raises a high bar, heh. Likely favorites: casual and/or gentle sex with some toys (hey, he wants to see the max of what you can handle and compare it with what he can handle! >:3); drunk sex would make him go wilder with kinky stuff (a bit more force, lots of affectionate and dirty talk, pinning you down, rubbing himself against you). Just know that he won't remember tf he was doing when he sobers up. Actually, don't tell him or at least leave out some details or he'll spend the next 3 days apologizing to you, being the endearing idiot that he is.
Minato. Let me start with: he's not romantic in the most conventional sense. I think he'd be a bit out of touch with normalcy, actually. But he's confident about what he's throwing at you, and he's trying his best to create a genuinely passionate, loving dynamic. So, when he traces his thumb over your lips and says borderline cryptic stuff like "wow, your pretty face is turning as red as a blood-stained blade", understand that he's trying to make the Romance(tm) happen. Because he cares. He cares enough to want to make you feel loved. And he knows that (1) good sex is when it's pleasurable and (2) good sex is when you get to bond with your lover. Yes, he has an objectives list in his head. Wooing you is a really fun strategy game to him. What do you like? You don't have to tell him, he'll figure it out anyway. Giving a few pointers from the get-go is probably a good idea though, otherwise he'll get quite creative about it (battlefield terminology as foreplay, oh he's so charming!). Cheers for being versatile and good at everything he does. Likely favorites: he's so good and creative with tools, there's no way he wouldn't want to use sex toys. I mean, he might end up making some himself, something that's tailored perfectly to your body which he so adores. If not that, fingering or rubbing/jacking you off. Just let him work his nimble fingers~
Hashirama. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens~ One little smile and he'll leave you smitten. Was that too corny? Well, sorry but... that's just the beginning of it! He has enough love to drown the world, and he's coming at you with everything in his heart. I can imagine him being affectionately playful and even a bit cringe when it comes to terms of endearment (although he wouldn't think of it as cringe, but there are only so many variations of "my lovely sweet honey bunny meow meow" you can reasonably handle). A romantic who likes to take his sweet time (when he has it, it's probably not that often) setting everything up and getting you in the mood and making sure everything is just how you like it. Not only that, but he's open-minded and would occasionally surprise you, ahem, inapprioriate use of the Mokuton-- wait, who said that? And yes, he's sweet and loving, but as you'd expect, the god of shinobi is kind of a lot to handle when it comes down to it. Stamina for days, by the way. Not an exaggeration; his body keeps recovering at rapid speeds. Have fun. I mean, he sure wants you to! Also, I wanna add that I considered putting him in Nurturing, but then I realized, since he's a hardcore gambler, he loves the emotional high of indulging in high-adrenaline recreational activities, which would hint at quite the sexual appetite. So, he's here instead. Likely favorites: being very close, bodies touching and intertwining like coiling roots. Speaking of, he can definitely employ his Mokuton for some light suspension play. It's going to be a very long night and it can certainly help you stop shivering like a leaf in the wind due to all of the stimulation he so lovingly indulges you in. Proud enjoyer of creampies followed by eating it out of you; he always politely cleans up after himself. 😊
--- ROMANTIC JEALOUS
Excessive emotionality: neurotic, jealous, competitive, desires to be the best partner that their lover ever had, very intense. Uses sex as a supplement to their idealized relationship, straightforwardly seek it out, and lashes out if they don't get it.
Obito. He might be a bit of a dork in other areas, but when it comes to social and emotional intelligence? Cunning. He knows exactly what to do, where to touch you, what to say, the sort of dynamic that you want to play out, and he'll act it out for you. If he loves you, he'll learn to enjoy whatever you enjoy. Extremely passionate, lively, fiery before, during, and after sex. Emotions and sex are inextricably linked to him. And yeah, this is where things might go south. He's suffocating and volatile. Much like his emotional state, his sexual appetite is like a black hole that no amount of love you give can fill. Sex is a placeholder for the validation that he's desperate for but can't accept. He will seek it out again, and again, and again, and if you reject him, he will feel the extreme of it, like it's proof that you hate him. Because to him, it will look like even his best is not good enough, and it's genuinely soul-crushing to feel like such an unwanted loser. He tries to regulate and affirm himself through acts of passion, but that's obviously extremely taxing on his lover, and an unhealthy view on sex. For what it's worth, really good at sex, but nothing else surrounding relationships. Babe has an emotionally crippling personality disorder 😍. Likely favorites: please tell him what his favorites should be, he wants to be good for you, please please 🥺. He can be your daddydom, your bad boy, your puppy, your worshipper, whatever you want! I guess, in a way, roleplay is his shtick. Well, there is one other thing he really likes, and it's a power imbalance fantasy where you're at his mercy so he can claim you and have you be his forever and ever and ever, with no chance of escape. He's not telling you that, though.
--- ROMANTIC INDULGENT
Treat sex as food, alcohol and drugs - something that they should indulge in to the max because life is short. And sex is fun, so why not? Big appetite and want to try as much as possible. Obvious massive commitment issues.
Jiraiya. Jiraiya is the Dionysian man archetype, so it was kind of a no-brainer to place him here. Let's take a look at his hedonistic streak: being extremely inclined towards sex and easily swayed by sexual advances, peeping on babes, basically wasting mula on prostitutes, generally not being the best at managing expenses, all while not shying away from indulging in other luxuries. But yeah, as far as the sex goes, gramps is still full of virility, heh. He's here to have fun and he'll make sure that he does, damn it!! And you will too, probably. I mean, hopefully. For what it's worth, he will try to attend to your needs, though admittedly his would take priority. That is, unless he feels like showing off how good of a lover he can be, he likes to boast sometimes. I don't think he's a heartthrob, but he does have a charm about him and is socially-inclined, so I imagine a lot of verbal communication alongside all the physicality. The latter of which, of course, would take precedence regardless. Just don't expect him to stick around. Though if he likes you the first time, he might come visit you again some time down the line. To reminisce, y'know, have a chat, a drink or two… you get it. Likely favorites: old man's a selfish lover, so think any position where he gets served, like getting a blowjob or getting to fuck you silly in some scandalous position of his choice (the spread eagle, let's fucking go). Show him all of you, baby, he wants to see and to squeeze. Mm, wanna add a third so he can watch? ;)
Hidan. (tw: dark) I know, I know. The insanity of putting Hidan and 'romantic' in the same sentence. I know that many of you are screaming that he should be in Adventurous. But it doesn't feel right; that's a low emotionality quadrant. Hidan is expressive, he's open, he's full of emotion. Not loving emotion, but emotion nonetheless. If he feels it, you will know it. He obviously has no issue having fun, I mean, fuck, what else is there in life for him? Unlike for others, for him there is 0 risk in basically anything, so he can do whatever he wants. Hidan? More like hedon. So yeah, he'll have sex with you if he finds you interesting, after which you'll never see him again. But there's this little ditty: sex is one of those things that escalates, like drugs. Things that excited you, the more you have them, the less exciting they become, and you want to seek out new experiences to get the same high of novelty. Hidan has lived a long life, and far from a chaste one, so he's already in a pretty decadent state. So, to elaborate on just what sort of sex we're talking here… yeah, let's not mince words, he's into some fucked up shit. Have you really had sex if you haven't flayed someone's skin? You know, even men can have more than one hole if you're not squeamish about cleaving some flesh. Yeah. Only consolation is that he'd want to be on the receiving end of most of it, and since you can't hurt him in a way that matters, it won't end in a tragedy. He wouldn't mind switching roles, but please remember that with you on the receiving end, the stakes are much higher... Likely favorites: before I start throwing around terms like snuff how about we talk about what he doesn't like? Sweet love-making under candlelight. Can't stand that shit, it just doesn't do anything for him. Are you here to waste his time or something? Make him gag, bruise, choke, bleed, cry, scream all for the best orgasm he's had in his life. Yeah baby, that's the good shit. No aftercare needed, he doesn't even know what that is.
ADVENTUROUS
While still sexual, they're more emotionally distant. Their drive for sex is mostly raw, physical, sensual, not so much romantically inclined. They see sex as a sport or a game, it's less about sharing love and more about showing off or just indulging in mindless, simple, fun physical pleasure.
Naruto. Heck yeah! He shoots, he scores! Big Naruto win, you said yes! He's got such a boyish view on sex, like if a guy has it then he's super cool. And he wants to be cool, obviously. He wouldn't shut up about it, actually. Before sex: 'Wow, really, you and me, we can?!', 'Huh?! Of course I wanna, believe it!', 'So when are we gonna? When when when, I'm so excited!!' During sex: 'Does this feel good? Or this? Or this? Or that?', 'What else can we do, I wanna do more!', 'Ok, ok, I'm gonna stay still… Umm nevermind, I can't just do nothing!' After sex: 'Woah, that was so awesome! Let's do that again!!', 'When can I see you again, we will meet again right? Right?' Listen, it's difficult to contain himself when his heart is pounding and his palms are sweaty and his entire body is vibrating with excitement, ok!! He can't help it! He totally wants to get into it, like as soon as possible, like right now! You said it and he took it to heart and now he's not gonna find peace until it happens. Very lively in bed, lots of turning and changing positions and yapping (non-stop yapping, the sound of his voice is the majority of the noise). Gets loud but totally unintentionally, it's not like he wants your neighbors to know, but they will. Likely favorites: any position where he gets to both do and be done, like sixty-nine. He likes to be busy, give him something to touch, lick or squeeze! But also do the same for him, 'cause it feels super good! It's never just about one position though, he likes to go through the motions. Moving a lot is important for his hyperactive mind, heh, the more engaging the better! And hey, when you have an enthusiastic partner, even missionary can be incredibly fun!
Suigetsu. First thing's first: sex is not that big of a deal. It really ain't that deep. Well, it can be deep but, like, literally deep. None of this waxing poetics shit, y'know? He's as lax about sex as anything else, go get some if you want it, don't if you don't. shrug But if you do, make sure you get your fill of fun, otherwise the entire thing is kind of bullshit, waste of time, cringe, etcetc, isn't it? I'm not sure if he's exactly the 'you only live once' type, there might be some hard limits simply because he finds some feitshes too ridonkulous, too disgusting or too weird to actually engage in, but for the most part, he's leaning somewhere towards that. If you've got an idea, he's all ears, just tell him. He doesn't wanna miss out on the possibility of it being fun. Hey, who knows, it might become a favorite. The least he can do if you're already in his bed is extend a bit of trust to you as far as taste goes. He's quite witty, but also pretty damn straightforward. Like there are no intellectual games or beating around the bush, no masterplan of seduction required. So yeah, he'll mess around, try some fun stuff (hey, he's got an adventurous spirit!), but also won't really get emotionally attached or touchy-feely about it. Fuck him and set him free, it's what he wants. Likely favorites: hickies hehe, those sharp teeth can be put to very good use and it would make him feel so fucking cool to have marked someone (yea feeling cool during sex is important, ok!). Also definitely something with water. I don't know what exactly; like maybe he'd 'accidentally' splash your shirt so it clings to your body and shows off your natural curves/frame and, oh noee, you'd have to take it off, shucks. Something playful and teasing like that, heh.
Deidara. Was by far the most difficult to write. I don't know, maybe he's more obvious to some of you, but I felt like he was fighting me on every sentence lmao. I'm sorry if I wrote him way off but he felt like a boss battle and I wrote him last. Okay, there is a very particular dynamic that will play out: either you annoy him or he annoys you. Deliberately. This is like the mildest form of the enemies to lovers trope. Like, let me kiss you, but only to get you to shut the fuck up 'cause you're so damn annoying. Let me fuck you but just 'cause I want to put you in your place. Just sets him on fire, that's the good stuff. Yes, disagree with him, bicker back and forth, it's like foreplay. It's up to you which role you want to play, bratty or reactionary, he'll take on the other one as ultimately the appeal is in the dynamic itself. It's a bit performative but hey, all art is, hm. He just wants to have fun, to be honest. C'mon, do something entertaining, prod him, give him something to react to, or you'll force his hand to do something outrageous. Literally his hand, lol. Oi! His face is up here. Those mouths aren't for sex, they're for art, hm! Yeah, well so what that it bit you? Can't handle a little bite? Smh. And here he thought that he was the freak, but look at you. Likely favorites: arguing, teasing and lite verbal aggression amp up the sexual tension so good, more of that! Would eventually succumb to the idea of using his hand-mouths for pleasuring you, because damn if he's anything but not curious. Pleasantly surprised when he finds out he likes it, honestly elevated when he notices you absolutely fucking love it.
Kisame. Sex? Oh yeah, okay, he could do it. Been a while. So busy that the possibility slipped his mind entirely, can you believe that? But you're right, it's good to have fun and relax from time to time. I don't think it's entirely fair of me to put him into a high libido category, he's on the lower end of it (closer to Dutiful than anyone else in this tier), but archetypically Dutiful doesn't really work for him because he has more of a spirit to him, a bit of a kick, hah. And I don't think sex is that serious of an obligation to him. Like, really, sex is the hill you choose to die on? He'd find it a bit silly. There's already enough shit to wade through in the world, the smartest thing you can do is make recreational activities like sex a reprieve, not another obstacle in life. So yeah, he won't make any commitment that he doesn't want, and probably prefer short-term relations anyway due to the sort of life he leads. Stress-free zone. Sex is just a temporary fun activity before he has to go out and deal with the weight of the world again. Feel free to suggest any bright ideas you might have (he'll politely decline if he's not into it, don't worry). Oh, you didn't know he has two? It's okay, he can use just one, although the way you're looking at him makes him think you're interested in the former option. Likely favorites: double-penetration is very much so implied, but if not that then the, uh, normal suck and fuck is fine, thanks. Most I can imagine is him getting a bit rough, like again this is for stress-relief and you're basically his stress-ball. Sure, he can go faster and harder, slap your ass or deepthroat you for 5 seconds. You'll be fine. And thanks for the fun night, whatever your name was.
--- ADVENTUROUS OBSESSIVE
Deviant type. They are sexual, but not in a hedonistic, indulgent way. It's more in a focused mental sense, such as having a very specific fetish that's so prominent in their psyche it starts to take up too much mental space and inclines them to act on it.
Kabuto. This was originally the 'pervert' tier, but I modified it a bit. I'm not saying that Kabuto is a pervert, but I am saying that he is kind of a ~freak~. He was actually quite difficult to place, but then I thought of sex as a way of getting to know yourself, what you like, what sets your heart on fire, and I think that's an element of it that would subconsciously draw him in. I say subconsciously because introspection isn't his forte (as we know lol), he didn't even know it was something he yearned for. And no, he wouldn't lay himself bare before you (metaphorically or otherwise) but sex would stir a very personal, intimate side of himself. I don't think he would understand that this is exactly what keeps him coming back though, he'd try rationalize it with biology. Unless, of course, we're talking about him after he's already gone through his personal Samsara (shoutout to Itachi), in which case he'd be more aware of his own desires and figure it out. Also, he's probably the most experimental character, he would want to try all sorts of stuff, and is very likely to use jutsu inappropriately. He could get off on just seeing the effects and your reactions to them. Beware, his curiosity extends far. Likely favorites: bet he'd like to wear gloves, bet he'd like to 'inspect' you like a doctor looking over his patient, bet he'd like to get so fucking condescending if you soil the gloves, bet he'd love it if you grabbed at his arms as he progressively got more and more intense, adding a sensitizing jutsu or an aphrodisiac into the mix. I dunno, I feel like he'd be very 'invasive', like he wants to prod your insides. Well, at least you'll find out what sounding is.
--- ADVENTUROUS DOMINEERING
Treats sex as conquest, control and a show of force. It's not so much that sex is fun or sex is sport, but sex is control. Very emotionally closed off, they're here to conquer and dominate other people, and sex is just one of many tools in the arsenal.
Kakuzu. Coldest sexual encounter you'll ever have. He's like the daddydom trope jacked up to 100; powerful, tall, dominant and rich. And handsome, depending on who you ask. I don't think he cares about sex enough to actively seek it out, but I also don't see him outright rejecting a good offer if it crops up. But it will be on his terms, for as long as he wants, and in the way that he wants. I mean, those threads in his body are thick enough to be put to use in more unconventional, creative ways than just for fighting. Do you think he doesn't know that? Yeah, he'd pick up real fast on why you approached him with the offer to begin with, you can't seduce him that easily (or perhaps at all). Now I'm thinking about what sort of monetary exchange there would be (because there would be a monetary exchange). Does he pay you or do you pay him? Well, I guess it depends on what you want from the encounter. If you came to him asking about his 'sexy tentacles' (he didn't appreciate you calling them that), the dick's not free. Pay up. If, however, you let him indulge in what he wants, he'd be willing to part with his coin for a good service. Likely favorites: brat taming, just something so satisfying about it. I would say dirty talk but it's more like verbal abuse in his case. Hey, a man has gotta have outlets. Also, he's up for bondage, and probably some S&M stuff if he's in the mood to really get into it. 'Safe word'? Pfft, he doesn't know what you're talking about; you're here until he gets enough of you.
Madara. Not dick and not pussy, he goes hard for power. There is nothing hotter than a show of dominance and proof of might. And there's an important distinction: it doesn't count asserting yourself over weaklings. No, he wants to take the most powerful person he can find and make them submit to him. His equal or his better that he can put on their knees. Ouch, such a ruthless elitist, give him the best or fuck off. I'm pretty sure that's why his opinion on women wasn't all that favorable, they're just inherently nerfed, there's no satisfaction in overpowering someone who's already lower on the totem pole. Though, you're welcome to try and prove him wrong. He means it — fight back, try to take control, he dares you. Immerse him in the physicality of the situation, attack him (and no, not with kisses), he wants the full sensual experience and the ego-boost of having subdued someone with fire and strength in their heart. And oh yeah, he loves getting physical, just make it worth his time. I think that would be the lens through which sex would begin to interest him. If he can't get that, then he'd rather focus on grander goals. Caveat: his stance is a bit different if we're talking about Madara pre-Izuna's death. He'd be more amenable, more emotionally inclined, and would be closer to an example of the healthy Adventurous type; viewing sex as a fun sport. Like, spar with him, wrestle on the floor, trust the process and his hands will find the right place to touch. I mean, he'd still be attracted to a similar dynamic, but it wouldn't be so uncompromising. Likely favorites: fuck-fighting. His hand pins yours down, your legs straddle his thigh, you raise it up so you can reach what's in-between with ease. The more movement, the better. Just don't get tardy, don't stare too much at his twitching cock or he'll get self-conscious and you'll ruin the tempo (about the same shyness as having someone watch him pee in canon lmao). Somewhat of a sadomasochist, but within reason: biting, scratching, taunting, generally only lite violence. And I swear everyone always ignores his obvious masochistic tendencies, he fucking loves feeling the impact of someone's mark on him, the issue is being powerful enough to be able to leave it.
DUTIFUL
Don't have a strong natural interest in sex. Within a relationship, they see sex as their obligation to their partner, but it's not a big priority to them. Usually tend to be intellectually inclined instead of sexual or emotional. Basically, many other things take precedence before sex even enters their peripheral.
Kakashi. Wooo, sex! ... Just kidding, it's not all that. Despite all the smut he reads on company time (based), he doesn't actually remember the last time he messed around with another person. More of a right hand connoisseur, if you will. Anyway, sex is rarely in his crosshairs. And no, it's not because he takes care of his desires with porn. I think it's pretty obvious that the porn is partly for pleasure, but mostly for escapism. Unfortunately, being a trauma dumpster comes with a lot of nasty side effects like anhedonia, and yeah, it's quite difficult to get into it when you're haunted by ghosts of the past. Look at him masking his emotional hurt with humor. :) Of course he can have sex, but I don't see him as a particularly engaging lover or at least for the sex to be rather infrequent. In fact, I think he'd rather avoid making commitments. *sigh* Why can't he just go see a prostitute? Oh, he can? Well… uh… 😳 ... Yeah. We know that he gets all flustered and blushy when confronted with sexual topics, like he's out of his field. Even at his best, he's more of the intellectual type than the physical or passionate type. So, while technically he can... will he? Hm. Nah, he'd rather go back to Icha Icha. Likely favorites: pseudo-sex. Mutual masturbation is nice and quick enuf. Voyeurism can be fun, of course with permission. It's basically like porn anyway. He'd rather not be acknowledged directly, though. Like, don't stare lovingly into his eyes, even the mask won't be able to hide his blush. The mask stays on, by the way. Non-negotiable.
Shikamaru. In his mind, sex is a very simple 1+1 equation. He gives you what you want, and you give him what he wants. Ez. Oh, remember: it'd be cool if you could 'look' good together. When you're out where other people can see you, be decent, okay? If you look like a good couple, people will view the both of you favorably. It's just easy good boy/girl points. As for what happens behind closed doors, whatever you want, honestly. Unless it requires him to do too much work, then he'd grumble about it. He'd still probably do it, let's not kid ourselves. I mean, he's probably scared of upsetting you, especially if you have a temperament (which he loves if you do, in fact please do, someone needs to melt his icy layer of indifference). Watch him enjoy it in the end, anyway. You're behind the wheel most of the time, just tell him what makes you happy, and he'll make sure the two of you have a mutually beneficial, functioning relationship. As far he's concerned, that's a reward on its own. Since he's the type to go with the path of least resistance, you can pave the way the river flows. If you don't like what you get, then you weren't honest with your desires from the get-go, babe. So yeah, either he adapts to you, or you have vanilla sex. He would take initiative and use that brilliant mind of his on some special occasions, though. If he doesn't give you the most satisfying orgasm on White Day every year, then you can call him out on failing spectacularly. Likely favorites: here's a good one: he lies on his back and you straddle him on top until he's hard enough to sit on. That way he doesn't have to do anything but still gets off. Absolute perfection.
Neji. His view on sex goes somewhere along these lines: sex is part of the contract and he wants to uphold his end of the bargain. Which also probably means no sex outside of an established monogamous relationship, but I'm not sure to which degree this extends. Would he still be fine with other sexual acts besides penetration casually? Maybe, but if you come at him with these requests, then he will assume you want to change your last name to Hyuga eventually. If you want him, then please be proper about it and discuss the implication of this union. Understand that you are courting someone from a prestigious family, so are you sure that this is a responsibility you want and can handle? As you can imagine, it's never just about passion. Anyway, once you get into bed with him, you'll find that he leans traditional and safe, basically the tried and true combo of foreplay + missionary. He is considerate of what you like and would try his best to please you, but I think he'd be a slightly frigid lover (in fact, I had him in Frigid category before realizing he's not to that extreme). Not willing to try crazy, interesting stuff, and not even that sexually-inclined. The most adventurous he's willing to get is using his Byakugan to detect your erogenous areas. Respect is a big deal to him, so there will always be an air of distance between you. Acts that could be interpreted as objectification are insulting to him. He is a bit cold, which he can't change, but if nothing else he can assure you that you'll never feel like an afterthought to him because he takes you very seriously. Likely favorites: body exploration, and lite body worship. If you're his lover, he considers you very dear to him, so it's natural to him to want to show appreciation. He would like everything that is pleasant, quiet, and gentle: kissing, licking, caressing, hugging, whispering. Also, white or pastel lacy undergarments. He has an eye for elegance and tasteful embellishments so it would really be a visual treat to him.
Tobirama. Mark sexual intercourse on the calendar. You will be having it on the 20th, if the Daimyo does not unexpectedly whip up more documents to sort out the budget, in which case the scheduled intercourse will be happening on the 22nd at the earliest. As your lover, it is his duty to cater to your needs and desires, and he will unbegrudgingly do so. He signed up for it, after all. However, also as your lover, he is compelled to tell you that his obligation to you cannot interfere with his duties to the village. He hopes that you understand the hierarchy of priorities he has set out and why it has to be this way. Oh yeah, this guy's icy cold. I do have a bit more to add, though. While yes, he's not particularly sexually-inclined, he can get quite freaky. I can't overlook the fact that he was basically conducting morally dubious experimentation. Like, as a hobby, really. The implication of which is this: there's a lot of curiosity in him that he could bring to bed. If you don't like it, he's fine with having a very vanilla experience, but if you're up for something more engaging… well, he's read that having an outlet like that can be healthy. Still, prepare for sex to be a rare occurence in general. Likely favorites: orgasm control. He will have you wait weeks for a good fuck, then when he's finally in your arms (or you're in his), he will hit you with 'mm, you can hold it longer, can't you?' as he edges you just enough to almost get you to the point of release before withdrawing his cool hand from your body and watching you twitch and pant. Come to think of it, kind of a sadist. Also, gets creative using the shadow clones. How would you like to be fucked by two of him? Three?
--- DUTIFUL FRIGID
The ice queens (kings in this case lol). They're just not that interested in sex or emotion. They don't even really care about sex as a form of duty, at most it's an annoying obligation. These characters are very intellectual, so they're quick to rationalize and become disgusted by sex. Require very specific contexts to naturally feel inclined to engage in sexual activity.
Sasori. Not only does he have a stand-offish, aloof personality, but he lacks tactile perception, so sex wouldn't be that much of a worthwhile experience for him. Of course, his sight, hearing and (possibly) smell are there, so there is a way for him to enjoy some parts of the act. He doesn't have much interest in it, though. If he did, he wouldn't have turned himself into a doll to begin with. Though, while I think his libido is very low, something is there. Beauty and sex are interlinked, and the former is at the forefront of his priorities, so I'm thinking there has to be a reason for it. If nothing else, he is not blind to sexual appeal. I'm not sure how he'd express it, or perhaps he wouldn't. I doubt he'd use his creations for that purpose, because works of art aren't sex toys. You shouldn't soil masterpieces with bodily fluids. Speaking of masterpieces, since his body, too, is a work of art, I think his sexuality would be autoerotic. He'd get off on himself being perceived as ethereal. He's wants to see and hear affirmations of his desirability, but to also be just out of reach for his lover, like a god with a devoted worshipper. 'You can look, but you can't touch' sort of thing. What matters is that even though he's the object of desire, he's still in control. Likely favorites: lite crossdressing and worship, except he's the only one being worshipped. And don't touch him. Love him with your eyes and words. He didn't dress up for you to tear everything off, art isn't enjoyed in fragmented pieces. Also, body jewelry. Enchanting, of course, like everything else about him. For how secretive he is, sexually he really just wants to be beautiful and admired.
--- DUTIFUL NEUROTIC
The uppermost part of the dutiful quadrant, bordering on nurturing (hyper-sensitive). They're sensitive to the power exchange during sex, more easily worried by stuff, so there's too much going on in their heads to be able to actually enjoy sex. They're held back by their own trepidations and reservations. Might view sex as something dirty or beneath them.
Sasuke. I'm so glad this tier is called Neurotic because if I had to pick one word to describe Sasuke (or almost any Uchiha, for that matter), it would be exactly that. Sex is not straightforward with people like this. There are 'obstacles' that need to be overcome. Firstly, sex requires a lot of trust, and Sasuke is not one to give it freely. He's so high up on self-preservation scale that you might as well be an enemy until proven otherwise. Call it paranoia, but from his point of view he's being sensible. Secondly, sex is an intimate experience and intimacy feels invasive to him. He doesn't want you to know what he feels because feelings are a liability. Not only that, but they're often fleeting. He's aware of more things than he lets on; you think he doesn't know that those girls swooning over him were just chasing a short-lived high? Yeah, he knows. You wanting to fuck him means nothing to him. He's not even flattered. More wary, if anything. Does he view sex as beneath him? In a superficial way, he might. It's easy for him to look down on others for succumbing to their desires and feelings when he's built a fort around his own heart and can pretend it doesn't pertain to him. But here's something he doesn't want to admit: behind that fort lies a tender heart, keen and longing. What I'm trying to say is that good sex would absolutely wreck him. Tears in his eyes and tension in his muscles, staring at you like he's not really all there. It's just insanely difficult to get there because of how many defenses he puts up. Good luck if you think it's worth it. Likely favorites: merging his soul with yours so that a part of you forever lives in the very essence of who he is as a person, reframing the way he views the world as your worldview bleeds into his and he can no longer tell who he was before you. Also, biting. It helps him relieve tension, feel his own sense of agency, and grounds him in reality.
NURTURING
Cares less about sex and more about the cuddling and smooching prior or post coitus. They see sex as a way of connecting with and providing for their lover. Doesn't emphasize the raw libidinal aspects of sex but more-so the relational, emotional aspects. Has paternalistic energy. Very loving, but not exciting.
Iruka. Papa Iruka's home. I feel like this tier was made specifically for him. Big heart, soft disposition. More than any other character, he doesn't 'fuck', he 'makes love'. And it's important the way you phrase it, because it reflects the mentality behind the act. For him, sex is a genuinely tender act, like a wordless love confession. There's nothing ambiguous about him, you will know he desires you if he puts in that extra care and attention into things involving you. Well, he does that for everyone, but there will be an extra layer of care just for you. You will also know because he'll get flustered upon you reciprocating. Yep, he wears his heart on his sleeve, and it will definitely show during sex when the emotions are especially heightened. The type of person that will make the most basic acts feel deeply profound due to how much sincerity and warmth they're seeped with. You will be seen, and heard, and held, and loved, and he won't allow it to be any other way. Sex is never just for sex's sake, it's also for the emotional bonding, and for him to show you that, yep, he really, really, really likes you and even more than that, wants you very, very, very happy. Wholesome-maxxing every single day. I'm just sitting here, trying to think of like half a flaw that he could have… umm, the worst is that the passion might turn a bit stale. A bit boring. It's easy to love what serves you and it's even easier to take it for granted, I mean people get bored of the same old. It's up to you to spice it up because that's not something on his mind. Likely favorites: something sweet and nice and intimate and validating. Little moments of you gazing at each other that linger for a few seconds as he gently strokes your cheek before a deep kiss. Pillow talk afterwards is the best thing ever. <3
Yamato. He's such a good mix of by-the-book and adaptive. I think he's one of the healthiest characters when it comes to sex, and it's a bit weird to say that because of how messed up his backstory is. He's quite emotionally attuned by nature (I say this because it meant a lot to him to have positive emotional feedback from his team, meaning it's a priority). Just because he wasn't allowed to develop the skills for it, doesn't mean his natural inclinations went away, just suppressed. But I think this inherent tenderness would blossom up during particularly intimate moments such as during sex. You can modify behaviors but you can't change the core of who you are, after all. It doesn't have to be sex for him to gradually soften up, either. In fact, sex probably doesn't even make it to his top 10. He's happy to ocassionally indulge in it, especially if his lover wants it, but he's equally happy with just hand-holding or smooching, or staring into the sunset together if you'd prefer. Probably not as awkward as some might want to headcanon, but even if he does something wrong (which he'll try very hard not to), he'll be quick to react and fix it. I can't imagine him as anything other than attentive and considerate, but also lowkey. Like: wait, did anyone even know that Yamato has a lover? Likely favorites: he's so happy with just default vanilla stuff, he really doesn't need or want anything extra. As far as he's concerned, it's already a big privilege to be in bed with you. He likes your smile and the glint in your eye that informs him you're enjoying him, that's the best gift you can give him.
Itachi. One word: understated. The way he goes about romance and sex is contained like a quiet little stream. You need to go out of your way to scoop its water up. And only when you get close enough do you realize how deep of a wellspring it is, enough to drown in. Are you getting tired of his metaphors? Don't expect him to drop the lyrical language, he will never be explicit in either meaning of the word. But please don't misunderstand him, he's not dubious. Unlike most other intellectual types, he's very emotionally attuned. Being particularly sensitive and intuitive, he always knows what your desire of the night is, sometimes even before you do. He'll pick up on the smallest detail, like a playful glint in your eye, and use it to adapt to exactly what you wish. If you're feeling mischievous, he will tease you, booping you on the tip of your nose before kissing it, then falling victim to your contagious laughter. If you're feeling down, he will have you leaning against his shoulder as he traces a little heart over your back — as a little nonverbal confirmation that whatever happens, you will always have his love and support. If you're feeling horny, he would, as he'd say, 'stir a fire in your heart with indulgent passion' or maybe 'have you quiver and swell under him'. One thing stays consistent though: his touch is always gentle. In general, he's the type of person to give everything and take nothing back. And that's where his underbelly might show: he doesn't do well with reciprocation. You will never love him the way he loves you simply because he doesn't allow himself to be loved to that extent. You'd think he wants it to be one-sided. Likely favorites: he's a service top through and through. Loves coaxing reactions from you, seeing your face coil in pleasure and relief. It feels so good to serve the person he loves. Gets mesmerized by your body's responses such as twitches, tension, shivers, or winces, and ends up staring intensely before getting a bit self-conscious and looking away with flushed cheeks. Strong preference for gentle and loving acts, so no, he will not degrade or hurt you, even if you really, really want him to.
--- NURTURING HYPER-SENSITIVE
Philophobic. Fears love. Or in this case, fears sex. Emotionally might be interested in (or curious about) it, but behaviorally leans towards asexuality. Not necessarily put off by it, but fearful of and uneasy with the intimacy that comes with it.
Gaara. To be honest, he's still learning what healthy platonic interactions with others are, so for him to indulge in something even more complex, that is romantic and sexual relationships, is a very big step. And he's not really sure if he's ready for it. The fear is two-fold: he fears being seen to that degree, in a way that he hasn't been seen before, but also fears his own ability to hurt or disappoint his lover. He first needs to grow more comfortable with the idea. Please wait, like a grain of sand waits in the desert for the sun to rise. Oh, was that a bad metaphor? Sorry, he isn't very good at this. He just wants you to know that his affection is real, and he's not rejecting you because he doesn't feel for you, but rather because he feels too much and doesn't know if it won't spill out of him in improper ways. He's blind to the fact that you might actually want it to spill out that way, that it's the point. Perhaps if you can get him out of his shield of sand and crumble the armor underneath, immerse him in your passions, he'd like to find out what real desire feels like. Despite the cold start, he'll eventually match your intensity, like in that metaphor: the sun will warm the sand come morning. But first you have to let him into your world, as that will become the ultimate standard that his own sexuality develops around. And I say develops because that was not something he ruminated much about before, this is really new and really nerve-wracking for him. Likely favorites: umm… is holding hands while sweetly looking into your eyes okay? 😊 … Could you please trace your finger across his back again? … Could you please take control again; he loves how your fingers wrap around him? … Is it okay if he kisses your hand afterwards? … O-oh, the color of his cheeks could rival his crimson hair? … Yes, he leans towards submission, at least at first. The way you touch him will be the way he touches you. It's not that he's delicate but he's quite sentimental, so please play nice.
--- NURTURING DELUSIONAL
They're emotionally deep and they want to dive deeply into the ideal of relationships. However, unlike core Nurturing, instead of wanting to care for their partner, they're more self-centered - they just want to realize a perfect fantasy brought to life. They use sexual relations as a way of indulging themselves into this fantasy, as a temporary escape from reality.
Nagato. He lives most of his life in his head. Not only is he the strongly introverted type, a deeply traumatized man, but he's also not very physically mobile. A prisoner of his own thoughts, basically. Sex, like many things, is delulu land to him. He has a particular vision in his head of how he'd want it to play out, but he knows that it's literally impossible in his current state. For one, in his fantasies, he's not essentially bedridden. Being met with the prospect but not being able to act on it would make him grow even colder and more jaded, so he just... avoids it. Not to get too esoteric (although he totally would), he probably just transmutes his sexual energy into other things. But yeah, I don't think he's asexual. He probably fantasizes about it, once a moon, but as an alternate universe sort of thing, like what could have been but will never happen. Would change the topic or get dismissive if asked about it (he really doesn't need reminders on just how much was taken from him). Likely favorites: something like soft mommydom/daddydom stuff. If he's opening his cold, guarded heart to you, then he's also opening the side of himself that desperately wants to feel nurtured and loved. He would be soft and adoring with his lover, but would need to have that reciprocated tenfold. If you're a woman, he especially likes the idea of breastplay, softly squeezing and sucking, kneading your skin like a kitty. Would love to have his head caressed, and be referred to with affectionate petnames.
ASEXUAL
Characters that aren't interested in having sex.
Orochimaru. Sex sounds rather inane. He understands reproductive sex, but doesn't really understand recreative sex. It all sounds like a terrible waste of time. Even if it is for reproduction, he isn't interested in symbolic immortality through offspring, he wants the real deal. Of course, he is aware of the evolutionary drive, perhaps even more than the average person, yet he's also keenly aware that he himself lacks it. Sex just doesn't provide the type of stimulation that he enjoys, it's not intellectual enough. It's either for a personal power-trip or for bonding, and he's not drawn to either of those things. Admittedly, gestation is interesting, but that's a consequence of the act, not the act itself. Perhaps an artificial life form could be created using a similar principle of mitosis. Dear, are you sure you came asking the right person about sex? It's not something he's ever been interested in. Just know this: he's going to have a laugh if you try to seduce him, genuinely. You've misread him in a very pathetic way, it's like you don't know your target at all. Such a callous approach. Oh, but don't take it personally. We all make mistakes, it's just that we also have to suffer their consequences. Mockery is far from the worst thing you can experience. Now, about that artificial life form…
Zetsu. More interesting than I thought. Going to explain in a roundabout way. Traditionally, there are two androgyne archetypes: sexual and neuter. Sexual androgynes are highly sexed, with pronounced, overt primary sexual characteristics, breasted and bepenised (think Satan in Devilman Crybaby). Neuter androgynes are phenomenologically neutral: unbreasted (male chest) and unbepenised, that is to say, nothing is overt, it's all flat. I think he's a perfect example of the latter. An essentially sexless entity. A 'divine' androgyne. It makes sense, Zetsus don't need sex, they don't reproduce in the conventional sense. And while Zetsus do possess intellectual curiosity, I don't think it extends to sexual curiosity, because they don't have the capacity for emotion and therefore don't have libido. But I also don't think it'd be awkward to interact with Zetsu about sex, because it's such a blank: no shame, no ridicule, no risk, nothing. Come to think of it, I bet Zetsu asked Obito a lot about puberty when he was going through his personal boyish hell in that cave. I can already imagine Madara probably pretending to be asleep so he doesn't accidentally become a father figure to Obito by giving him the boy talk lol. Hey, Zetsu would've listened attentively to learn more about this 'hooman' stuff. But yeah, it's a literal alien life form trying to figure out the reproductive behaviors of the human species.
i did my best to base this on their canon personalities, but everything is still filtered through me. i especially put in an effort to write in the character's 'voice', so for example more jokes on the light-hearted personalities and more clinical jargon on the coldly logical types. also don't take this as definitive, it's totally okay to interpret these characters in other ways.
this took way longer than i thought it would, wow. definitely a mental exercise. but it was a lot of fun trying to figure out what the boys might be into.
also, i only wrote for characters that i personally like or are part of the main cast, but it still turned out to be way more work than i bargained for hah 😖
Listen to this: Yandere Obito getting more attached and horny seeing the reader cry bc shes js traumatised and scared without him 🥴 I literally need him to feel needed it would just make him more deranged istg😭
•∘˙⊹. ꒰ঌ ᧔ෆ᧓ ໒꒱ .⊹˙∘•
hi hii babes! Obi our deranged boy, how I love you
Warnings: 18+, yandereObito!, Obi manipulated you, you can’t tolerate things without him, dacryphilia, derangedobito!, fem reader, akatsukiObito!, use of the term good girl
ྀི
-Obito is glued to your hip and dangerously so. Even to the point that if you used the bathroom, he’s standing outside the damn door. Privacy does NOT exist
-he believes that every single one of his actions are okay, and normal when in love. How other Uchiha clan members are always with their lovers no matter what
-but something clicked in the wrong spot within his head. Which has led him down a rather sadistic path when it comes to the things he does for you
-today..he unfortunately had to distance himself from you due to an akatsuki meeting. His heart broke in two when he watched that pretty little mouth of yours turn into a fat pouty frown
-he couldn’t focus one bit as Pain droned on about his goals and what step comes next in his plan. Then merely rolled his eyes under his mask the second Hidan and Deidara started arguing
-all he knows is that the second Pain dismissed everyone. He was GONE. Having used kamui. Pushing his key into the lock on your front door, slipping inside and closing it behind him with a soft click
-and that’s when he’s heard you. Sniffles, and small whimpers. He knew you wouldn’t dare touch yourself in his absence…something about this is different. He pushes your bedroom door open to find a crying you in the middle of your bed. How the blankets had wrinkles in them from you scrunching them up. He knows what happened
-Obito will only admit this to himself but he got into your head. Whispering controlling nothings into your ear to the point you can’t do anything without him. AND to his sick enjoyment…can’t be alone without him. You used to be so independent
-his plan worked…it actually worked
-the moment your eyes found him, you reached an arm out to him. Silently pleading for him to climb in bed and join you. When he does, you sob violently into his chest
-you knew where he was and what he was doing but it didn’t help the irrational part of your brain from assuming he abandoned you. Even though your sweet obi would never
-Obito listens as you mumble about how much you missed him and how fearful you were that he might not even come back. Trying to hold in the chuckle that threatens to escape him at pathetic he’s made you..
-another thing, and thankfully you haven’t noticed it yet is the painfully erect cock that Obito’s cloak is hiding. How it twitches against his leg, dripping small beads of pre cum against his thigh
-you’re such a pretty thing when you cry..how needy and dumb you get in his absence despite being insanely intelligent.
-watching all his efforts work has done something deadly to his brain…making him even more deranged than he was before. How his cocks throbs with every sniffle and new tear that rolls down your cheeks
-the way you need him, how you crave him even if you don’t fully grasp why you suddenly cling to him the way you do, never fails to cause his cock to harden
-maybe he can manipulate you into abandoning your village and join the akatsuki. You’ll be a good girl and listen..won’t you?
"Ouch, watch what you're doing," a rude woman sneers.
You immediately put on your most apologetic smile. "I'm so sorry."
She mutters something under her breath and brushes past you, none the wiser. A tiny droplet of blood clings to the sliver of broken glass you'd so carelessly dragged across her skin. Mission accomplished. You weave back through the gathering until you reach Hidan, who's lounging against a nearby wall as though he's merely waiting for a friend. The moment he spots you, he grins.
"That makes seven," you say, placing the bloodstained shard into his palm.
He fans them out between his fingers.
Seven nearly identical pieces of glass. Seven strangers. Delicious~!
"Hm." He inspects them one by one. "That should be enough to make things interesting."
He decides on the one with the least amount of blood. It's a sacrifice still too humble to be considered worthy of Jashin, and he needs to fix that. He drags the shard across his tongue before handing you a short dagger.
"Go ahead." He lifts his shirt without another word, giving you a devious smirk. "Anywhere you want."
You consider the offer for a moment, eyes wandering over the places you could choose. You've plunged the same blade into him so many times, yet his body looks pristine. You think, it doesn't really matter where you do it. Finally, you settle on his abdomen. The blade sinks into squishy guts and Hidan's breath catches. A grin spreads across his face as pain mixes with pleasure.
Then, somewhere across the room, a young man cries out and collapses on the floor. For a heartbeat, the room goes utterly still. Then panic erupts. A handful of people rush towards him, and the rest try to move as far away as the four walls allow them. In an instant, the gathering has transformed into chaos, and people are shouting at each other, throwing accusations, the man's close friends and family are weeping. You begin to think that you don't feel all that bad for these fools.
Hidan reaches over, hooks two fingers beneath your chin, and turns your attention back towards him. His smile is bright, deceptively boyish. This is silly to him, and it's becoming silly to you. His eyes gleam with anticipation.
"You can pick the next one."
────» Obito.
The afternoon in Konoha is pleasantly warm. The weather is nice, which means the market is especially lively. Vendors call out to passing customers and the scent of grilled food hangs temptingly in the air.
Despite insisting that crowds are exhausting, Obito agreed to come with you. You appreciate that. It's funny, in a way. You've heard stories about how Obito used to be a people's person, an extrovert, an annoyingly loud one even. But… that's not the Obito that exists anymore. But you don't dwell on it. You like him exactly as he is.
As you're examining a display of handmade trinkets, an unfamiliar voice catches your attention.
"Excuse me."
You turn. A handsome young man smiles politely. He asks for directions. You answer politely.
Then he asks you a second question, about Konoha's cuisine. Oh, so he's a tourist. You wonder where they make men that handsome. Although, of course, Konoha boys are the best.
The stranger is persistent. Third question, he asks you where to find the best restaurant.
By the fourth question, you begin to suspect that it's not Konoha he's interested in…
You recommend him a cozy little tea house just down the street and he laughs softly.
Meanwhile, Obito suddenly develops an interest in a basket stall right beside him. How fascinating. A basket. He hears you continuing the conversation, and this time the dashing suitor manages to make you laugh.
'Well, that's just too far,' Obito decides. He ceases faking interest in baskets. He grabs the largest wicker basket within reach and marches over. And, before the poor tourist can react, the basket drops neatly over his head. It shuts down the conversation, as well as covers up the man's good looks, just in case. Can't be tempted if you don't see him.
"Don't talk to this loser, let's go," Obito grumbles, taking your wrist. His grip isn't hard, but it's stiff.
"…What was that, fry-face?!" the muffled voice shouts from somewhere beneath the basket.
Obito doesn't even hesitate. "Shut up, bucket-head! You look stupid!"
The man begins wrestling with his unexpected headwear. Before he can free himself, and before this can escalate into a fight, Obito has already spirited you halfway down the market.
A few minutes later, the two of you are seated on a quiet bench overlooking the square. You glance sideways. Obito has his arms folded. He's staring very intensely at absolutely nothing.
"…Jealous much?"
His head snaps toward you. "W-What? No. I just…That guy wasn't even that impressive. So… You should stick with me."
The moment the sentence leaves his mouth, he seems to realize exactly how it sounded. He quickly turns away. It does absolutely nothing to hide the blush creeping across his cheeks.
You smile to yourself. Hmm. So maybe fragments of the old Obito still linger, after all.
────» Madara.
To say you're comfortable would be an understatement.
Layer upon layer of fine kimonos has been spread beneath you, their silks and cottons overlapping in a variety of colors and intricate patterns. They make for an absurdly luxurious bed. They're warm, too. Though, admittedly… Most of that warmth comes from Madara. He's lying beside you, one arm loosely around your waist while your head rests comfortably against his chest. A rather scandalous novel rests open in your hands.
The only sound in the room is Madara's steady breathing, and an occasional amused chuckle escaping your lips as you read about the romance of a warlord and his rival's spouse. The tale follows a fearsome warlord who, after years of living for the thrill of battle, finally finds love. His calloused hands trace soft skin and, you bait your breath, he kisses the—
"That's so stupid," a deep voice interrupts.
So, Madara is not sleeping.
"No man would allow his rival to just take his lover, not while he's still alive."
Oh, so he was also reading your smut. It's alright, just play it cool. We all have hobbies. Besides, he clearly got into it enough to know the plot. He better not chastise you. Fortunately, he's more… um, liberal, than one would expect, and not a single complaint comes your way.
You turn your neck to look at him. "How do you know?"
"Because I wouldn't."
The answer comes so quickly, so matter-of-factly, that you can't even question whether he means it. Of course he does. Madara has never been in the habit of making empty declarations. Come to think of it… the Senju brothers have barely been allowed within arm's reach of you. You could count on one hand the number of times you've exchanged more than a passing glance with the Hokage, and even those encounters had been brief.
An impressive accomplishment, really. One that you know Madara is proud to claim as his, though he wouldn't brag. He simply assumes it's the natural state of the world. You're his, and that's that.
You smile to yourself and return your attention to the book. Perhaps the fictional warlord should've consulted Madara first. He clearly has some notes.
────» Hashirama.
You carefully loosen the little shrub from the earth, gently shaking away the dirt still clinging to its tiny roots. Hashirama eagerly holds out the clay pot the two of you had lovingly decorated together: painted flowers twirl around its rim, and there's a somewhat shoddy, but also very cute, drawing of you and Hashirama holding hands. Hashirama had insisted on adding it.
He watches with baited breath as you replant the delicate form of life into its new home.
"It's like a little baby," Hashirama breathes out.
"You're like a little baby," you comment.
"I am?" Hashirama looks at you with soulful eyes. How disarming; he could end wars with that look.
"You absolutely are," you affirm.
"…Awh."
You aren't even sure if it's a sound of endearment or if he's sulking, but he hangs his head down and a curtain of his long hair slides down his shoulder and drapes itself neatly across the shrub's tiny branches.
When he moves his head to look up at you again (what, you thought he'd be able to take his eyes off of you for long?), his hair takes the entire pot upwards with him.
"Oh, woah, be careful!"
You quickly grab the pot before gravity can introduce it to the ground. Fortunately, the pot doesn't fall. Unfortunately… when you try to set it back down, it refuses to move, stuck to Hashirama's hair. You only then notice that you're pulling on the lock.
"Ow, ow, ow!" Hashirama cries.
His hair is hopelessly tangled around half a dozen tiny branches. How did this even happen?! You stare at the shrub in disbelief. Then at Hashirama. You crouch beside the pot to inspect the damage. Somehow, the little twigs have woven themselves around far more strands than should be possible.
You sigh. This… This is going to take a while.
A very tiny, very pragmatic part of your brain briefly suggests simply cutting the trapped hair. Simple, efficient, if it works, it works. The strategy reminds you of his brother. Yeah, that's definitely what Tobirama would do.
But you inhale. No. You're not quite as cold as Tobirama. You're going to lovingly save every single hair.
And once you're finished… you'll kiss him better for enduring such a harrowing, tragic accident.
Manga edits and writing are mine. Please don't repost the writing.
buddy cop caleb and valko ft middleman!y/n and villain!sylus
buddy cop obito and kakashi ft middleman!y/n and villain zabuza
happy with either
Voting ended onJul 2
so i found this old draft where characters a and b meet y/n who is a middle man who is trying to capture a mafia boss and helps characters a and be trying to catch him.
but the thing is, the plot suits both kakashi and obito and caleb and valko and i simply cant choose 💔
