#animorphs 30

[wheatart]

With the release of the zine, I thought this would be a good time to share my part! This was done in honour of the 30 year anniversary for Animorphs, and this scene has lived in my head rent free for years. You can check out the rest of the zine over here! https://www.tumblr.com/animorphs-30/819984172759269376/the-animorphs30-zine-is-here

Also just a note, I'll be paused on commissions just for next week!

[imperfectskeleton]

There's something about Animorphs #15 & #16 and #30 & #31. The Marco into Jake. I love telling people who know nothing about Animorphs "yeah the matricide and fratricide books are back to back" but like. 15/16 is Jake and Marco clinging to their friendship asking each other for reassurance nothing has changed. 30/31 is "I know you too well for you to be my friend right now. You aren't checking in with me, your friend. You are holding the line in a war we cannot win, knowing I may be about to pay to win with the blood of my family.

Marco has to be there for every second when it gets too close to him. Can't let anything out of his sight. He never admits he would be better off being out of control of the situation, because in a way he wouldn't. If it had been forced away from him before those last seconds, he would have lost it. He was clinging to the plan, his bright, clear lifeline of rationality.

Jake, on the other hand, loses it instantly. He wants Cassie, not Marco, to deal with his emotions rather than the facts of the situation. There's no rationality, but he's the leader, so who's going to stop him, call him out, relieve him of duty? This is his family, and he's a naive teenager, a world weary old man, a nobody who's saving the world. Tom is the war for Jake and however his understanding of the war changes, his ability to be the person the animorphs elected leader disappears when his family is at risk.

Interfering with family is often thin ice to tread upon. How much worse to tell your best friend that their mother, their brother, is a threat and keeping them safe may be too high of a risk?

Jake, I know my mum has to die. I'll do it myself. I planned it perfectly. I know I can't talk to her. I know I keep trying to.

Marco, my brother could be free. All it takes is three days out of town. Nobody dies and we win. Now I'm morphing to tiger because they are not getting my dad.

Are you ok? That's an order.

[robylovi]

Animorphs book #30 went crazyyyy

[rays-animorphs]

Oh, Visser One seems deliciously close to figuring them out.

[exigencelost]

Just reread #30. Have thoughts, including:

-Marco is having more of a complete nervous breakdown throughout this book than i remember, i mean the man is teetering right on the edge the whole time. Holding it together with his teeth.

-Deviates from classic Animorphs structure in a similar way to #19 but I'm not ready to expand on that yet.

-I'm going to amend my statement about "Marco can do anything Jake can do, he just doesn't want to." What Marco fails to do in this book is communicate with the team in a calm and clear manner while under enormous pressure, which is actually pretty important. Also, I gotta think his statement to Jake in #54 about how Jake's the leader because he doesn't second guess himself in a crisis is informed by his Experiences in this book and that's sort of depressingly sweet.

-Jake holding Marco down and saying "hang on man" over and over while Cassie kills Eva and the battle goes on below then: very sweet. Very romantic. Very touching. Cost them two whole morphing fighters out of a force of six during a close fight and that speaks to a high level of care. Very much not care Jake recieved while Tom died.

-Marco doesn't freeze! He always moves when he's having a crisis about Eva. Sometimes it's in a random direction. Marco ordered the flooding of the underwater base in #15. Then he ran to stop Rachel and Ax. He swam desperately to save Eva. In #30 he rushes toward her while she's in the neck clamp thing; Ax has to tail blade him to stop him. The second he's prevented from trying to save Eva he makes a plan to kill her and strongarms the team into it. He tries to kill Eva and then he tries to save her a half second later. Even in a complete crisis of indecision the man cannot sit still.

-Marco letting V1 find out the team is human (which, sidenote, I'm confused how that didn't happen in #15 since that Leera survived) works out exactly as conveniently well as any of Cassie's reckless trust or mercy moves and I think people should get off Cassie's back.

-the ending to this book is the exact same as #15 but I'm not going to worry about it.

[exigencelost]

Something about the way that like. Between #15 and #30/#31 the caretaking, nurturing element of their love for each other was destroyed. The love that would get Jake to keep a secret from the team to protect Marco’s privacy and dignity, that would get Jake to encourage Marco to make whatever call sits right with him, to extend mercy and gentleness. The love that Marco has for Jake that makes him want to figure out what the right thing is to do. Between #15 and #30/31 that is destroyed, and what’s left is a love that serves only one purpose which is to hold them both to the mark. Their duty to each other is just winning. It’s just the line from A to B. It’s reminding each other of that when they falter, when they waver on the edge of humanity, it’s dragging each other back into strategy. And it’ll destroy them both but it will win them the war. 

[exigencelost]

Like. Okay. In #15 they have this profoundly touching moment. Rachel and Ax run off to kill Visser One, not understanding who her host is. Jake tells Marco:

<It’s your call.>

Marco hesitates, then as he’s about to follow them—to help them or stop them, it’s unclear—Jake says:

<Marco? Do what’s right. Forget about what anybody thinks. Do what’s right.>

And Marco’s response is:

That’s my friend Jake. That’s his answer to everything, I guess. Do what’s right. And somehow, he always seems to know just what that is. Or at least he thinks he does. Jake’s a natural hero. Heroes always know what’s right. 

Me? I’m a comedian. All I know is what’s funny. And what isn’t. 

Which makes me insane, not just because of the resonance with Marco’s dialogue in Visser, but because of what happens in #30 and #31. In #31 Marco obviously believes that Jake has no intention of doing what’s right. He thinks Jake can’t see what’s right. That he’s too much of a hero to do what’s right. And then they have this exchange:

“You need to back off on this,” Marco said quietly. “You can’t make this call. Not about your dad and your brother.”

“You made it when it was your mom,” I said.

Marco shrugged. “Yeah, well, that’s me. If it’s any comfort to you, I’d like myself more if I was like you.”

Which makes me insane. This scene gave me new symptoms. This scene gave my plants aphids. Okay? This scene corrupted the chemical composition of my toenails. The self-disgust. The self-destruction. The unyielding principles. The completely fucked up love story. I have been tricked into caring about Jake Berenson.

[exigencelost]

Animorphs #15: The Escape, Marco:

<Marco, you know what they’re going to do,> Jake said urgently.

I nodded my thick gorilla head. <Yeah, Jake. I know.>

<It’s your call,> Jake said neutrally.

<Yeah.>

I just stood there, frozen, as Rachel and Ax reached the door of the building.

<Jake. You and Cassie and Tobias morph, okay? I have to go and…I don’t know.>

<Go,> Jake said. <We’ll have gills within a minute. Marco?>

<Yeah?>

<Do what’s right. Forget about what anybody thinks. Do what’s right.>

That’s my friend Jake. That’s his answer to anything, I guess: Do what’s right. And somehow, he always seems to know just what that is. Or at least he thinks he does. Jake’s a natural hero. Heroes always know what’s right.

Animorphs #30: The Reunion, Marco:

I lowered my head and felt the power in my legs. It would be a hundred-foot drop.

<l love you,> I whispered. And then, I lunged.

Visser, Visser One:

I told him in quick, spare detail. Then, “You’ll do it?”

He didn’t answer. Instead he said, “Mom, I know you can hear me. I don’t know if I can save you. You understand that, right? I’ll do what’s right. I’ll do what I have to do.”

It was his only show of emotion. His voice cracked when he said “Mom.”

<I know you will. I love you,> Eva said, silent, a prisoner inside her own skull.