5 Minutes to stay alive
Alexiss Diary Entry~
Fifth of January, year ????
"Sometimes I really wish I had my dad around me, but in those times you need to accept the reality, change your own perspective of life, and continue to love every moment that you had with that person.
When I am trying to bring this topic around to my friends and try to talk about it, I am not taken serious. Eun and Anna, people who I tought that would be with me trough those ugly moments don't even want to hear me out. Truthfully, it really sucks.
My dad is ill sick. Stroke. It happend 5 years ago. At first it was fine as my dad was a strong person with a high intellect. Great speach. Great posture. Great way o walking. Great mindset. Funny. Easy going. Smart af.
And now? Over the years he started to fade out. Can't control his movements anymore. Can't eat properly anymore. Can't speak clearly; me and my mom are trying to get him speak properly but simply refuses. Is always grumpy when we try to correct him on a random situation and also picking fights with my mom.
Now, you may pity him, right? If I finish there you might think oh "poor him", "so sorry for him". This is what everyone around me says. That I should understand him more. But who understand me in this?? My Diary, my Ego, my Soul, who wants to actually understand me in this madness?
My dad also drinks. Alchohol. And while he tries to seem smart by not mixing the pills with the wine, there are several days where doesn't take his medication just to drink.
My dad also lies. He has a big EGO up in his ass. For example, let's say that I ask him who opened the wine bottle. The answer: not him. Or when I ask him if he had done his daily exercises specially made for people with celebral attack. The answer: yes, of course. Dad, but in 5 five years you only exercised for 3 days.
My dad also steals. Exactly my diary, he steals from our own house. Mostly food. He eats out the candies, the sweets, the freshly made soup. When I want to eat, we have nothing in our frige.
My dad also forgets. When i come home from school he asks how my day was. He asks me the same question for 5 hours straight until my mom comes from work.
My dad always shouts at my mom who wants to help him. He calls her names and that everything is her fault. I know that she cries because of that.
But most of all, people don't understand how hard it has been to me all this years. To see how your own hero tranforms into the villain of your life. When I look into his eyes, what I see? Pain, anger? Regret? At first, they are lifeless, but If you look deep into them you can see a tiny light. You can see how his soul is trapped into a disgusting body with no escape. Or may it be just my imagination, there is no way that he is the same person that I grew up with. Just take into consideration, people: I have to see those eyes everyday.
And I can't cry. I should not cry. I am strong person. I will be stronger for my mom. But sometimes, I wish I would talk to someone about this...I fell lonely. And my mind is only making it worse.
But thank you Diary, thank you for listening to me. I am going to have a special guest and I have to prepare for him.
Bye for now,
Alexiss."
© ᴬˡˡ ʳᶦᵍʰᵗˢ ʳᵉˢᵉʳᵛᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᴬⁿᵒⁿᵗʳᶦᶜᵉ