#aph iowa

[ask-the-aph-california]

Illinois: I could, but... there IS a reason I play with these nerds

[artsymagic429]

2p America Headcanons

Wears a dog tag received from his version of Davie who died in their world's war. This is his most precious thing other than his bat and sunglasses and is almost never seen without it. It was once taken by Lutz in a prank and let's just say, Lutz was bed bound for a month.

Get him angry enough and he slips into a Brooklyn accent. Also gains a New Jersey accent when the show Jersey Shore comes on which he detests with a burning passion.

Hates the aforementioned show and will join New Jersey in burning every bit of merch/DVD/CDs they can find.

Dresses up as a villain on Halloween to freak out Alfred.

Has a fear of clowns following the 2016 killer clown fiasco but will never admit it.

Loves his Louisville slugger bat and just about brings it everywhere. Has since taken all the nails out since living with America and the states. No one knows how it's able to fit in his jacket.

Knows what happened to his world's Roanoke Colony but will never tell.

Since coming to the 1p world, he along with the rest of the 2ps, have gained the same up-to-date scars their counterparts have. Most notably, he has two long scars on his back (towers), one on his forehead hidden above his hairline (pentagon), and one on his back calf(Pennsylvania) from the 9/11 attack to mirror Alfred.

Is surprisingly really good at horse riding and can lasso anything from yards away. This comes in handy when corralling states. Likes riding with Texas.

Doesn't know how to ice skate so Minnesota and Michigan helped teach him.

Extremely vulnerable to Hawaii and Alaska's puppy dog eyes despite his tough-guy image.

Makes sure to teach every kid baseball and joins New York at the Yankees games.

Often helps California with her vegan recopies and helps states like Kansas, Iowa, and Georgia grow their corn/peaches. Can actually cook because of this and Oliver's lessons as a kid, unlike Alfred who's tastebuds were ruined by Arthur.

Likes pranking other countries with the states.

Knows magic and helps tutor Lousiana and Massachusettes in their magic. (See my 2p America's Magic post for more info.)

Is really protective of the states and goes into papa bear mode when they're threatened.

Holds a grudge with Luciano and often terrorizes him.

Passed out when first introduced to Tony and still a little freaked out by him. interestingly, it's harder for him to believe in the concept of aliens than magic while it's the opposite with 1p America.

Loves taking care of the family whale, but will never admit to being a softie (He totally is).

Has a mouth on him and curses like it's going out of style. Censors himself rather creatively around the states though.

Trusts Delaware and Virginia the most out of all the states to be responsible and not do anything stupid.

[incorrectaphstatequotes]

Iowa: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment...at all?

Wisconsin: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

[incorrect-states-quotes]

Iowa: Ugh! How are you such a nightmare?!

Missouri: Years of practice!

[cass-yes]

tis iowa he scary

[worlds-collide]

This was States x Aesthetics/Stereotypes I did. This is only the first batch, I’m working on the second one now.

None for these guys belong to me. They all belong to the wonderful people in @50statesofdestruction

I hope you all enjoy these and pls don’t steal or repost these in other places or here without my permission. After all, these are not my characters!

Now a small rant(?) about the journey to the finish product of the first set.

So, at the beginning I was only gonna do 7 (Colorado was the 7th) along with Illinois and Iowa we’re gonna have switched aesthetics. Due to reasonings those changed obviously.

Some of their outfit designs have a story, in the universe or in real life. WV is wearing an Ohio State versity jacket, it used to belong to Ohio himself, but he stole it or Ohio gave him it. Iowa’s story was, “he wears all black just so the corn image pops more” <- my reasoning •w•. Michigan’s was me mashing American fashion with the bright Harajuku (?spelling)/Japanese Fashion.

Anyway, I’ve ranted enough. •~•

[magicandlight]

an incomplete list of Tyler’s meeting presentations:

Literature-Related Presentations:

“None of the Romantics were Straight” ft. lines such as: 

“let Mary Shelley be bisexual and give her a good biopic y ou  coWARDS” 

“look I’m just saying Keats understood the greeks too well to be straight”

“Various Author Favs” ft. the line:

“while I understand that none of these people were the best, might I point out that they also aren’t H.P. Lovecraft, who was so racist that racists thought he was too racist.”

“Look the Modernists were also Very Not Straight”

“no one says “the mouth worried you until you knew him, and then it worried you more” about their bro, h emmingWAY”

“Dracula is an Inherently Queer Book, Academics Are Just Heterosexual”

“Please For The Love Of God Just Let Emily Dickensen Be Gay In Peace”

Agriculture(?)-Related Presentations:

“A Various List of Corn Deities I Found During A Wikipedia Spiral”

“Why Children of The Corn Is An Awful, Unrealistic Movie”

“the corn demons would just eat them” “i’m sorry what ” *Katelyn nodding in agreement*

“Mythbusters: Corn Demons Edition”

“results: inconclusive”

“Why Quinoa is The Worst(TM)”

“Tyler Please Go to Sleep” Presentations:

“A Compilation of Cursed Highway Signs”

“I Might Have Given The Corn Monster A Ouija Board”

“More Corn Deities”

“Why We Should Sell Minnesota to Canada”

“GEODES”

[meetthemidwest]

Weird things the states have done

-Michigan once kicked a chair out from underneath Ohio and Ohio didn’t fall down. He also didn’t stand up, he literally just stayed sitting on nothing.

-Wisconsin, Indiana, and Michigan went to an indoor water park and floated around the lazy river while singing I Want it That Way. Illinois got a video.

-Minnesota and the Dakotas decided to go mattress sledding and North Dakota smacked his head against a table and got a concussion.

-Kansas walked directly into a tornado to prove that it was possible. It didn’t end well.

-Rhode Island once pulled a small tree out of the ground and used it to hit Massachusetts in the knee because Mass called him a sewer for the billionth time.

-Nebraska drove a tractor over a homemade ramp and it flipped over with him on it.

-Idaho slowly ate a raw potato in front of the United Nations while making direct eye contact with Russia. To this day no one knows why.

-West Virginia bit down on his wallet, looked directly at a poor CIA agent, and said “whom the frickity frack took my breakfast sandwich?” It turns out the sandwich was in his back pocket.

-Washington spilled coffee on their jeans and immediately declared God to be both a bitch and dead.

-Iowa bought a bunch of those corn on the cob holders and stuck them all over Illinois’ car because he was “being a little bitch”

-New York walked to New Jersey’s apartment (which was pretty far away at the time) at two in the morning just to ask if water is wet. He then made himself a cup of coffee and left.

-Kentucky rode a horse into a grocery store, looked around, and when told he had to leave yelled “THAT ISN’T VERY CASH MONEY OF YOU, CIVILIAN”

-Colorado wore a really large trench coat to a meeting one day and he wouldn’t tell anyone what was in it until after the meeting, where he pulled New Mexico aside and showed him that the inside pockets were filled with memes.

-There’s a video of New Hampshire screaming at Massachusetts while Massachusetts attempts to inject caffeine directly into his veins.

-New Hampshire also wore a shirt that said Big Dad Energy in big bold letters and when asked how many kids he had by a stranger he started laughing hysterically.

-Michigan has a shirt that says I’m Concerned About the Blueberries that he only seems to wear when he gets exactly two hours of sleep. Louisiana once saw him wearing the shirt and forced him to stop and take a nap.

-Florida grabbed a handful of leaves off the nearest tree and started eating them while Virginia explained that attacking European tourists is bad.

-Georgia pushed Alabama into a puddle and he just laid there for about five minutes before rolling over and calling Georgia a bitch.

-You know the vine where the guy at the mini golf course jumps into the water? Hawaii does that every time. No one goes mini golfing with her anymore.

-Alaska took a bite of a dog treat instead of a protein bar, stared at it in confusion, shrugged, and continued eating.

-Another video: Tennessee: *sobbing hysterically* Virginia: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???? Tennessee: I HAVEN’T SLEPT IN A WEEK AND SOMEONE DREW A FACE ON MY BANJO WHILE I WAS TRYING TO NAP AND I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN ‘CAUSE Y’ALL DON’T LIKE THE FACT THAT I WAS BETTER AT THE CIVIL WAR THAN ANYONE ELSE! Virginia: You need to calm down- Tennessee: YoU NeED tO CaLm DowN!

-Texas and Cherokee were arguing over how Oklahoma should live his life while Oklahoma filled a duffel bag with hors d’oeuvres at the fancy party Maryland threw.

-Arizona was carrying around a fancy velvet purse for a day and when California asked what it was for she pulled out seven hard boiled eggs. The only question California asked was “can I have one?” Arizona said no, packed the eggs up again, and left.

-One day Montana and Colorado switched wardrobes and no one noticed since they both wear flannels from the women’s section.

-Wyoming pulled out a water bottle at a meeting and chugged it in under a minute. Turns out it was vodka and she fell down the stairs trying to leave.

-Vermont drank a bottle of maple syrup while Maine recorded. They later sent it to Quebec who watched the entire thing twice before responding with “why are you so dumb?”

-Connecticut got locked out of his house and broke his leg trying to climb to the second floor window. 

-Literally everything New Mexico does is weird, like when he bought a set of sporks and threw his spoons and forks out.