#aprilselflovechallenge

[socialmediabfly]

#AprilSelfLoveChallenge Day 8 I was going to say taking care and worrying about other people, BUUUUUT that is just a synonym of #peoplepleasing. I haaaate when people are displeased or upset with. I'm always vying for a place in people's life, wanting to favorited, #valued, chosen, so I go above and beyond my limits. I'm slowly building my tribe. Many hear my life tribulations and express pity for me, but they quickly disappear after making empty promises that I won't be alone through the next steps. I've tried weaseling my way into circles, attach myself to people with full lives, all while just trying be claimed and being #notenough . Damn, I feel like a Toy in Toy Story. But, I need to slow my roll. Trust the Universe will bring people into my life at the right time, for the right reasons (just like last night 🥰.) I need to stop rushing and working (literally) for a spot, to feel I belong. Slow down... stop #tryingtobegoodenough, stop doing the "pick me dance" and just allow myself to experience life and the people it brings without any #attachments on what role they will play tomorrow, next week, month, or year. Treasure each encounter with beautiful souls even if it is temporary, realizing I am enough before, with, and when they leave. When I feel like I am enough, all these things will come easier. #iamenough #auditioningforarelationship #pickme #bethankful #lifearchitecture https://www.instagram.com/p/B-uL4dpp1rA/?igshid=1x0r7kb8gkm4u

[socialmediabfly]

#AprilSelfLoveChallenge Day 7 Body?? I used to have a nice waist. Kind of Coke bottle shape. But not so much now. I guess I'll say my feet. Personality?? I am intelligent. https://www.instagram.com/p/B-tC0UgJoUB/?igshid=1pi4ncpguipcm

[socialmediabfly]

#AprilSelfLoveChallenge Day 5: Yes, you will be happy again. That my story isn't over yet. That my past decision, partners, mistakes doesn't disqualify me from happy ever. Yes, I deserve to be happy again. Yes, dance again. #yestoyourself #yestomybestlife https://www.instagram.com/p/B-nl1TuJ5ow/?igshid=l66t1ity0csj

[socialmediabfly]

#AprilSelfLoveChallenge Day 4 Simply that I am worthy of good things or that I am beautiful. I have always cringed when complimented on my looks Especially after my 2nd marriage, I associated any compliments about my looks to be the prelude to sexual advances as the marriage was very much #sexualized and became an object. . I recently remebered that in grammar school often I was on the receiving end of teasing. I think it has fed into my self-esteem and I adopted pressures from colorism and other mainstream beliefs of what beauty is. I was 106-112lbs majority of my life well into my 30's and after three kids. But today, mostly because of medicine and sedentary life due to illness, I weigh 183lbs. This often leaves me feel like I have a fat suit on. My daughter Bria has even suggested that I suffer from body dysmorphia. A nearly decade long marriage to someone with narcissistic tendencies included serial cheating blamed on my illnesses certainly did nothing to help as his criticism still echoes in my head. .......................................... Because I have been raised in a lower middle class home, was a teenage mom, 2 failed marriages and a million questionable decision have left me feeling worthless. That feeling infects my thinking daily. It is a convenient explanation of my continued misfortune (idiopathic illness, many busy failures, disconnection from my family, having few friends.) I often do things because because Acts of Service and Giving Gifts. But the love language I receive is Quality of Time, Acts of service and Receiving Gifts. I often blame myself when I don't receive these things. I often feel like i am asking too much and that I am not worthy of asking for or receiving those things. #teasing #bullying #narcissisticabuse #lovelanguages #bodyimage #selfworth https://www.instagram.com/p/B-j2dGdJaJX/?igshid=100jby357adxk

[socialmediabfly]

Day 3 #AprilSelfLoveChallenge I really hope this month to cultivate a sense of #selfdiscipline. I understand that a habit like this isn't easy and takes #intentionality. Many of the difficulties in my life can be very linked to what others see as a lack of self discipline, but I found a blog and #TEDTalk by #EmilieWapnik where she identified a group of traits that created personality type that she identified as #Multipotentialites. People gifted in several areas whose character traits may appear #flighty, #uncommitted and #undisciplined. But, what she identified was a new perspective on these people and a positive way of deciphering how they can be accomplished, productive members of society. I am #gifted in many things, my attention span can be short and add my health conditions (both physical and mental), I might at best be considered flighty and worst undependable. So my goal this month is to find those things I am good at and create a #regimen. I'm proud to say the first regimen I created for myself was a skin/facial regimen with items I received from my #Ipsy subscription (can't afford it right now, but definitely enjoyed it!) Now, I feel like it is time to tackle other areas of my life. #multipotentialite #selfimprovement #routine #lifearchitecture https://www.instagram.com/p/B-iCvnop0aq/?igshid=1rgrt1gbj3ts7

[socialmediabfly]

Day 2 #AprilSelfLoveChallenge Today, the #selflimitingbeliefs I will work on is that I am a burden and not an asset. By having various chronic illnesses and an invisible disability, it is so easy to feel by asking for help I am a burden. This belief acts as a reason for me not seeking romantic relationships, not asking for help when I truly need it and for talking myself out of setting goals that I really want to achieve. To work on these things today, I will ask for help and work on opening myself to love, realizing that being I'll doesn't exempt me from be deserving and receiving of love and assistance. #invisibledisability #spoonies #ask #lifearchitecture https://www.instagram.com/p/B-eJRFuJQwH/?igshid=prpx3ofo3abh