So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye
Just under a year ago, I went to my local cinema on a dark autumn night to see a film about people electing the new Pope. Like a good fangirl (gn), I pulled up AO3 on my way home from the cinema and fed on the two fics that existed at the time. I joined the only Discord server I knew of at the time shortly after. I thought that having been an organiser and, while never a BNF myself, being a Known Quantity in fandoms 15+ years ago and lurking around their fringes ever since would have prepared me for what awaited and was surprised when it didn't.
I think people in Conclave fandom know my name now as well, but for far more unpleasant reasons. Some may still remember me as the guy who created @caffetteria-centrale, but most will associate it with less positive things, whatever those may be.
I have no desire to rehash the specifics of what occurred nor to "tell my side of the story" since I have done that often enough. I've been accused of everything from harmless interpersonal conflict-y things right up to actual crimes. The only thing I want to say about that is that I get in about as many fights with other people as anyone else, maybe more so if I'm in a space/position where I can't block people (for example, as part of a discord server's mod team, which is why I don't do that anymore) and that I've never done a crime outside of shoplifting and have no desire or intention to commit one. Accusing someone of a real-world crime carries with it a different set of real-life consequences from accusing them of "fandom crimes" like writing sequels to or translations of others' fics without asking for permission.
Thanks to the five people who participated in Trans Conclave Week and to my three Conclave friends on Twitter who are either unaware of the past drama I was involved in or don't care. I wish I could say it was fun while it lasted but truth be told, it wasn't. This has been by far the most unpleasant ten months I've ever spent in a fandom. I also wish I could say I hope we learn from this and do better in future, but right now I don't have a lot of hope for the state of fandom as a whole improving any time soon.
I would say you're going to see less of me in future, but since I'm suspended from the Big Three of fandom Discord servers, most people in the fandom already don't see anything of me and those who still see me but don't want to are free to block me.
I don't know where to go from here. I have some vague ideas for fan events but I fear that them being associated with my name will discourage people from participating. I have a couple of fic ideas but since my best writing is done in tandem with other people I doubt I have many Conclave fanworks left in me.
Thanks to those who made the last ten months nicer, other things to everyone else.
