Cardiac
Word Count: 884 (Ao3)
Pairing: Dukexiety (alluded royalceit)
Rating: T+
Warnings: Blood, mild body horror, sex mention
Remus is aromantic and ready to bitch about it to an equally aro emo. Luckily for him, Virgil knows just what to do to take romance out of getting a boyfriend
it’s late and I don’t care, have a fic
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It was the one day of the year that Roman was insufferable. Pink and red hearts seemed to float around him wherever he went, and then they slammed onto the walls, decorating them for the holiday.
Remus fucking hated it. Valentine's Day was supposed to be just another saint day, about a guy who got offed for marrying people evading recruitment. There was no reason to get all mushy and lovey dovey, and suffocate everyone else. If it weren't for the copious amounts of sex happening, Remus would be on a murder spree!
Virgil wasn't a fan of the romantic stuff either, but he didn't mind if the people around him got sappy. It was good for blackmail material—he had proof that Janus was trying to woo both Patton and Roman. The only problem he had was a stupid mesh on a feral himbo who was one wink away from recreating the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
"Oh fuck, he got here before I could!"
Virgil looked up from his phone and saw Remus standing at the foot of his bed, glaring at the wall. Of course he found the one poster with hearts on it. Black, broken, bleeding hearts. They were definitely Roman’s work and not a step away from Halloween decor.
"Roman hasn't been here since January," Virgil said flatly and locked his phone. He knew he wouldn't get back to scrolling through conspiracy videos for a while. Remus was on the edge of a rant.
"Thank God! I'm so sick of the lovey dovey bullshit!" Remus groaned and clutched his hand to his chest,
"Ooh! I love you so much! You can have my heart, even though it’s not a heart and I'm giving you something shaped like a contraceptive and I don't want to fuck!" he said, mimicking his brother's usual grandiose tone.
"No sane person actually wants to rip out their heart of their chest to give it away," Virgil sighed, "But the metaphor is annoying. It’s better if you just rip your heart out and hand it over."
Remus' eyes lit up wickedly.
"Are you suggesting that I would do something like that?" he jeered and plopped on the bed, facing Virgil.
"In a romantic way? No. Never. And not in a queerplatonic way. Maybe alterous, but you would do something different," Virgil shrugged, not looking at his face. It was unfair how cute Remus could be when he was trying to be challenging.
"Do tell!" Remus giggled, relaxing his shoulders. Virgil eyed him thoughtfully and rolled up his sleeve.
Remus yelped when Virgil slammed his hand through his ribcage, forcing him to spit up blood. His eyes were wide, staring at Virgil's arm sticking out of his chest along with a few broken ribs.
Virgil licked his lips before grabbing the slimy, pulsing mass of muscle. With a flick of his wrist and a forceful tug, he tore Remus' heart from his chest and held it up.
"You'd call dibs and eat theirs," Virgil hummed and admired the thundering heart in his hand. Remus was watching him with starry eyes.
"Are you gonna eat that?" Remus gawked.
"I don't have to, considering this is what I think you would do to someone you like, have a squish or a mesh on."
Remus paused and studied Virgil as he shied away, still holding the beating heart, squelching blood all over his hand. He was so cute, hiding behind his bangs.
Remus slammed his hand into Virgil's chest and grabbed his heart. Virgil groaned when Remus shattered his ribs and tore it out.
"Now will you eat it?" Remus jeered and brought Virgil's heart to his mouth. Virgil was gawking at him, blushing furiously.
Virgil shook his head and carefully placed Remus' heart in his own vacant chest cavity, setting his ribs back in place around it.
"I'm not you," he said softly and closed his wound, "But I'm not giving it back."
“I don’t want it back! But in exchange, I want an alterous boytoy!” Remus hummed and licked up some of the blood spurting from Virgil’s heart. He waited and watched Virgil squirm, weighing his options like he always did. Remus decided to stuff Virgil’s heart in his chest cavity and close it up while he waited.
He didn’t have to wait long. Virgil grabbed his face with his bloody hands and kissed him like he would never get another chance. He squeaked when Remus dragged him closer by the butt and kissed back with just as much enthusiasm and twice as much spit.
Virgil pulled away panting with blood on his lips and rested his forehead against Remus’. He was smiling softly and his eyeshadow was bright purple.
“How about we stay here for the rest of the day and watch some trashy horror movies? I can grab some snacks,” Virgil suggested.
“You mean snacks other than you and me, and the Evil Dead!” Remus giggled, not letting go of his butt.
“Yeah, you dork,” Virgil snorted.
“Yeah! We can make it Halloween again!” Remus beamed, “Let’s do it!”
Virgil smirked and licked his cheek, cleaning off some of the blood, and got up, “I’ll be right back. Don’t strip while I’m gone. That’s my job.”
Remus grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. Maybe Valentine’s Day wasn’t so bad.
