#aromanitic

[smoogieboogie]

Hey I know you did this for being nonbinary but I'm not sure if you've done anything for being aromantic.... I was wondering if you could explain kinda how you found out you were aro? If you don't want to that's totally fine! I've just been questioning myself for a long time now & it's still so confusing

Okay so my aromantic identity is the identity I am the most 100% about. I am full aro. There's no ifs ands or buts about romance for me lol like it's a NO. And I actually have gone into detail about how I know I'm aro before but finding that post would be a nightmare thanks to tumblr lmao so I'll go through it again in a heartbeat if it helps a fellow aro!!!

1. I have never had a crush before. I have had ppl I thought were crushes but it turns out I just really wanted to be their friend!!

2. I used to make up crushes to fit in. All throughout school ppl would talk about crushes and ask me about my crushes and when I'd say I had none ppl took it way worse than if I pretended so I remember going through year books by myself and finding a cute person and telling everyone that was my crush even though I honestly could not give a fuck about them that way 😂

3. I have always hated romance movies and books. Like romance as a genre has always been my least favorite ever

4. The biggest clue for me..... So. I've dated a lot. Like... a lot. And I realize now that it was me overcompensating. Because I didn't know what aromantic was so for years i thought I was... broken. And I forced myself into relationships to fix me. But they never lasted longer than 3 months and every single relationship was ended by me because they made me hate my life. No joke. Being aromantic and forcing yourself to date is a hell I would never wish upon anyone. When I learned what aromantic was I cried because I finally knew I wasn't alone!!! I haven't dated ever since learning about the identity and I am happier than I have ever been 💖

I feel like I have more about this but rn my brain is working at half the capacity it normally does. So pls send asks about this so I can answer more about aromanitism!!!!

[the-quiver-of-aros]

I just saw pictures of myself when i was ten and a bunch of the comments are that I am such a cute little girl (trans so that’s fun) and that my mom is gonna need a shot gun and some other stuff about the boys need to stay away.

Well one, I know my hair was amazing but like no thanks cause it’s gonna stay gone. Two, They got their wish everyone stayed away and are going to stay away because of aromantisism.

[mcusic-to-my-ears]

Nobody: ...

Me: My zucchini gives the best hugs and is the most kind, honest, perfect person I have ever met and I will kill for him

[the-quiver-of-aros]

Aro book recs?

I know I’ve asked before but I can’t find the post I made for it so I’m gonna ask again.

Are there any aro books y’all recommend?

I already have The Last 8 and An Accident of the Stars. Just trying to expand my lgbtqia+ library

[mcusic-to-my-ears]

Dan Howell's shoutout to ace people in his coming out video made my life

[mcusic-to-my-ears]

Weird problem, but so many of my close friendships have ended because the other person had a crush on me (I'm ace aro) and I didn't recognize it for what it was until I was asked out. This led to me having a huge fear of people having crushes on me (this literally happened 5 times, although the last one ended in my QPP so it ended well) so now whenever someone (especially males as I am female) are trying to become my friend I get super self conscious that I may be doing things that may be considered flirting and it becomes a huge block between our potential friendship even though platonic relationships are the only kind that I am capable of.

Tl;dr: Crushes are an aces nightmare.

[enbywerewolftemp]

i was just wondering, in your faq you describe your orientation as asexual, aromantic... and gay? how can you be gay if you're aro ace? also, you have a typo, it says aromanitic. thanks for your time!

I don’t even know how to explain this to an anon.  Like, I don’t know what your background in talking about identity is, so I have no starting point for how to talk to you.  Are you a baby asexual cinnamon roll, too innocent for this world, and not having had enough interaction with other ace folks to have seen us refer to ourselves as gay before?  Or are you a zedsexual who just can’t even imagine how asexuality and aromanticism works so you’re going to anonymously ask people prying questions?  Are you identity policing?  Are you thinking “hey that sounds right for me but I don’t understand why?”  

Where do I even begin?

In this case, I don’t.  You can come off anon if you’re trying to talk with folks because you’re struggling with your own identity.  We can keep the conversation private. 

Also, thank you for telling me about that typo.  I am now going to never fix it ever, because obvs people can still understand what I meant to say, so the typo is irrelevant. 

[qpadvice]

I recently started going on dates with a really awesome woman, and I told her straight off that I'm aromantic, because even though it hasn't been very long since I discovered the term, I feel it applies to me. I've never been in love, not for lack of trying on my part, and any time a relationship gets to the "i love you"s, I panic and usually end it not too long after that. We haven't discussed what that means to our relationship, and I think we should. I just don't know how to approach that?

I think you should approach it with honesty. Explain to her how you have felt in the past and what seems to be a pattern in your relationships pertaining to "I love you's." I think just talking about it and telling her your concerns would be a great foot in the door and would benefit your relationship.

In my opinion the hardest part is already taken care of because you two had already discussed you are aromantic. Maybe, just tell her you want to talk about your needs and wants of the relationship. She isn't going to tell you can't talk about it! Just set aside some time and let her know your concerns. Start off small and then get to what you are worried about. By talking about it now you can avoid the future panic and instead make the relationship grow.

~Ruth