Okay, so I have read a couple ASOUE crossovers, some DC, some Marvel. Mostly Marvel.
And due to DP X DC, My brain has decided to tell me to come up with this story idea.
The Baudelaire children end up being put into the care, due to Mr Poe's stupidity and some strange circumstances due to the Baudelaire parents contacts, of none other than...
John Constantine!
Why? Because I think it'd be hilarious to see him handle these three brilliant children.
He has no idea why anyone would trust him with their children! And he isn't exactly in the best living arrangements, whether he's in the House Of Mystery or just in an apartment in the story.
I vote apartment so he can go to the House later.
Okay, here I go!
A sink breaks or the fridge leaks coolant or something, and Violet immediately volunteers to fix it, surprising John, and he backs up to let her try and (he assumes) fail, because she's a kid, but she fixes it and it's twenty times better than before. Pleasantly surprised.
The Baudelaires make due as he goes out at odd hours and comes back with singed hair and glowing eyes, which they all assume is a trick of the light.
Klaus asks if John has any books he can read, because he's an avid reader, and John immediately makes a mental note to hide all the Occult books.
And then he freaks out as Sunny finds one of the amulets he has lying around and said something in Sunny-nese only for her siblings to not even look at her and say, "If John didn't give you permission to bite it, you can't bite it."
Klaus somehow finds the hidden occult books and reads them anyway, because he remembers everything he reads and really needs something other than usual chores to do, but doesn't believe they'll really do much, as a young man of logic more than anything, when Olaf shows up.
John stares in horror as Klaus or Violet gives Sunny something that is impossible for a normal baby to bite through and she just snaps it in half with her teeth. He had to subtly make sure she's not possessed to ease his own nerves.
It doesn't.
He claims to be a social worker to take the kids away, and at first, John believes, and by at first, I mean the first sentence he speaks outside the door before the kids grab John and pull him away from the door and they have very clear fear in their eyes.
"It's Olaf!" They whisper, begging John to believe them, whispering all his crimes. Uncle Monty, Aunt Josephine, the Miserable Mill, wherever in the story this will be taking place, all for their fortune. They're scared he'll be next, not aware exactly what John does.
John believes them and looks through the window to see a horribly disguised Count Olaf. He was given a picture of him at the kids insistence to Mr Poe, and he's not fooled as he looks at Olaf's face.
I don’t know if anyone else in ASOUE fandom listens to The Penumbra Podcast or if enyone in TPP fandom read/seen A Series Of Unfortunate Events, but... just imagine a crossover; the noir of it all, the angst and found family, the hilarity... so many possibilities. Also a mysterious hotel in both places...
small brain: the ASOUE universe is unrealistic because no one recognizes Count Olaf and someone as stupid as Mr Poe would never be in charge of orphans
big brain: the ASOUE universe is a satire of how individuals and society in real life fail to recognize abusers and protect children, so although some characters or behavior are comedically exaggerated, it’s shallow analysis to just call it unrealistic
galaxy brain: the ASOUE universe is so shitty for children because all the social workers and other people who look after child welfare have been brainwashed and enslaved on Nomansan Island
