Apr 3
just put my full name and address on the paper while you're at it I guess
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Italy
seen from Spain
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Türkiye
seen from Canada
seen from India
seen from China
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Japan
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from South Africa
just put my full name and address on the paper while you're at it I guess
even people that are good with these things and literally know and don't care I have ASPD will deny doing this because it doesn't happen consciously but like.
most people on some level think that things like "being so bored it causes a level of agony that makes me want to start screaming at the top of my lungs bc. sometimes I would rather be gutted alive when people talk about personal shit that isn't related to an interest I have, because my brain just isn't capable of caring about those things, & I feel boredom more viscerally than anyone on earth.." is on some level something I choose or like. if I wanted to I could just, flip the switch that makes me start caring about all that and be normal, or I could choose to do so but because it causes me pain or I'm edgy or whatever I don't or any 5 billion other things.
like it's an incredibly horrific sensation... it makes me almost start melting down and punching myself in the face in front of them as they're doing it sometimes because it is physically painful, sometimes I would rather get a minor stab wound
but also I am in that much pain and I choose to say the things I know people want to hear inorder for them to feel like I care and I give a shit about them and have basic respect for them etc... because if they get any idea that I care so little I'm trying to not openly freakout in front of them abt how little I care, they will think I literally want them dead!
but for people I care about that I know I can't be openly antisocial around, I put up with important personal details to them I don't care about even though it hurts (and less painful things I just tolerate from close people that know I'm ASPD).. I can't fault them for not knowing that I'm not reacting like this because I don't care, since most people aren't put in a situation where they have to think about these things (or even when they know but their brain is still wired to need me to hear about them). Like, I'm an antisocial schizophrenic tranny meth addict, I have learned to be pragmatic about these scenarios. If I consciously blamed or rejected everyone who ever did this, I'd be a hermit living in an alleyway shooting heroin with dirty needles hissing at any passerbys.
schizophrenia made me lose my spark. the body still moves but it's lost its inherent essence. the machine still operates but its essential qualities are gone. negative symptoms are treatable but no therapy can put a soul back in a body
source
original post
found this in this paper on psychopathy
aspdkitsune → schizoposts
today I will practice my skills by Radically Accepting the hallway demons that visit me when I smoke weed