#aspieprincess

[aspieprincess]

has anyone else noticed that neurotypicals are usually absolutely awful at direct communication?

like yeah, they’re good at reading and understanding the types of indirect communication we (autistic individuals) often overlook or spend years trying to learn, but it seems like a lot of them are kinda scared of just straight up saying what they’re thinking or feeling... apparently they’re scared of being ostrasized or excluded from social communities if they actually communicate their needs, which i think is both interesting and sad.

this is one of the reasons i appreciate my autism. i like that it makes me good at direct, yet calm and constructive communication. i don’t know if anyone else feels like this too, but i really wish it was possible to teach NTs the value of direct, honest, constructive communication, so they wouldn’t have to rely so heavily on communicating through signals that may easily be misinterpreted... plus it would make it easier for us too because we wouldn’t have to spend so much energy on analyzing their behaviour.

[aspieprincess]

idk about you guys, but i find dating and anything related to it so confusing!

like i’m generally quite good at inter-personal relations with allistics when it comes to friendships and other casual things where you kind of know how much you should expect and how much you can expect from the other person, but when it comes to any kind of possible romantic relation, i’m at a complete loss. i can never figure out how much i can and should expect from the other person, and i’m always terrified of overwhelming them and scaring them away because i like them so much (which has happened so many times that it’s made me scared of showing any interest at all now), and it’s so frustrating!

i hate the games that come with dating and flirting; ignoring texts to not seem eager, or pretending like you don’t wanna hang out with them even though they’re all you can think about. it would be so much easier if we could just be like “we both like each other, and would like to start dating, so how about we find a way to make it happen” but if you do that now, the other person might lose interest because you’re ‘too available’ which is apparently just as bad (if not worse) than being ‘too emotionally unavailable’, so it’s like this super fine balance of showing interest but not too much interest, and it is EXHAUSTING! especially when you already struggle with social bonds because then you end up overanalyzing every single thing you do, and if it doesn’t work out you probably end up blaming yourself for doing something wrong.

at least that’s what i do...

[aspieprincess]

so, i’ve recently discovered that i have a really unfortunate tedency to hyperfocus on people i really like, kind of like how you’d hyperfocus on special interests... it wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that most people (especially NTs) don’t really know how to handle that kind of intense attention from someone, so they often tend to kinda shut off and withdraw, which leaves me feeling rejected and depressed. but at least now that i’ve realized this, i might be able to do something about it so i don’t scare off anymore people that i really really like talking to 🙈

[aspieprincess]

does anyone else have like ‘lowkey’ special interests, that you don’t realize you’re apparently super into and have tons of knowledge about, until someone asks a question about it and you unintentionally infodump all these facts you didn’t realize you had saved in your brain???

if yes, what’s the interest?

[aspieprincess]

trying to explain executive dysfunction and how it’s worsened by lack of structure and consequences to someone who’s never experienced it is like trying to teach a fish to climb a tree.

and it’s frustrating because i know the person i’m talking to is just trying to help by suggesting solutions that work for them, but the solutions aren’t applicable to my specific issues and i don’t have the communicative skills to express what makes the solution unhelpful :/

[aspieprincess]

one of my friends recently moved to a really beautiful city, and since i miss them and also want to see the city i booked a trip to go there next month. the only problem is that my friend is really busy at work and might not be able to hang out, so i thought i’d book a tour with them as my guide (which is their job) so i could see them, but seeing as i don’t want to cross any boundaries or impose myself on them, i wanted to ask them if it was okay before booking anything.

now the only problem is that they’re not the best at replying to texts, so i can’t ask yet, but i also can’t book any of the other activities i really want to do while i’m there because i’d need a date for the tour first to avoid clashes.

so i’m not able to plan anything yet, and not being able to pre-plan stuff well in advance stresses me out so much! because i like to have my plans mapped out in my head wayyy before they actually need to happen (which i’m sure a lot of you guys can relate to 🙈)

[aspieprincess]

i’ve been m.i.a. on this blog for months because of life and such. i finally got my GED with decent grades, moved into my own flat, and got into the university i wanted to go to. and even though i really want to complete this degree, it’s a lot harder than anticipated. especially because class attendence is optional, which means my routine isn’t very structured, which makes me less likely to actually go to class and study. another difficult thing is all the reading, which i knew there was going to be a lot of, but i’m still surprised at just how much reading there really is (probably about 150-250 pages of difficult terms and principles). the lack of structure also makes it harder for me to actually do the reading, which results in having to read most of the curriculum right before the exam because time pressure is apparently the most effective way to bypass executive dysfunction...

and all of this is accompanied by having to socialize (thankfully i’ve made some really good friends) and then the added pressure of financial discord since i still haven’t gotten approved for state-funded financial support that i need due to my disability making a part-time student job impossible.

so overall i’m stressed out about pretty much every aspect in my life and the fact that it’s dark like 16 hours a day isn’t helping either, and i feel so guilty for spending modt days in my bed but i just don’t know how to find the will and the strength to get back into a healthy routine. i’m completely exhausted.

[aspieprincess]

just autism things:

locking yourself in a restroom for a while because it’s the only way you can be alone at school/work when you’re too low-energy to deal with socializing