Jul 20, 2021
Simon really knows how to stand up for himself and I really love him for that!
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Simon really knows how to stand up for himself and I really love him for that!
my cozy eve
Present.
Time to speak…
I have had a calling since I was a little girl, not sure how to go about a calling when you’re only 8 years old but I wanted to help those around me. I wanted to stick up for the kids who were bullied in school because no one else would and I knew how it felt to be an outcast for being myself.
I set my thoughts and feelings aside to make others happy because I was so afraid of letting someone down.
I believe that fear might have been from losing the chance to have a relationship with my father at a young age. I felt at blame for his decisions, as if he didn't want to be there because I wasn't good enough. So I shut my mouth and only did and said things I thought people wanted while blocking out who I was. By doing that not only did my father neglect me from his life from his own actions but I neglected myself.
Years later as I became a teenager from a young child, I turned into the bully. I was not sticking up for the outcast, I was the one making them feel that way. I was so tired of feeling alone as a little girl and feeling like an outcast that no one liked because I was chubby with a huge gap in my teeth. I became somebody who showed no emotion. I said hurtful things to people that most likely stook with them just like mine did when I was growing up. I can forgive myself for being a young teenager, going through her own problems, hitting puberty, and not understanding I was making a huge impact on people's lives by my actions. But that isn’t enough for me… I am so sorry to all those people I hurt. I am so sorry for all the things I did and said about people who were hurting probably just as much as me.
I will grow from this, I AM growing from this. As a teenager you don't realize the impact you make, you are learning yourself. So, for today I realize that all the hurtful things said to me as a little girl were not meant to hurt me, just as what said was not meant to hurt those. I forgive myself and I hope all those people who were young and feel the same way I did forgive themselves. Forgiveness does not mean you forget but that you forgive to give yourself love. To allow yourself to grow. We can not live a love fulfilled life if we hold onto the things that have been done to hurt us or the things we have done in our past that hurt others.
We are all learning. We are all growing. I am still learning and I am still growing.
I forgive myself. I forgive the neglect I gave myself. I forgive myself for shying away my thoughts and feelings of others because I was afraid to speak my truth. I forgive the hurtful things I have said to others because I was hurting myself. I forgive you. I forgive you for leaving me when I needed you most. I forgive you for hurting me because you were hurting. I forgive the hurtful things you said to me because you have had hurtful things said to you. People can be blind to what is right in front of them. Look in the mirror, take off your mask, you are beautiful. You have a voice that needs to be heard. You have a heart that is worth every ounce of love. Forgive yourself. Remember your past but do not hold onto it. Embrace this moment because right now is the present. This very moment is what matters, How you feel right now matters, and how you think right now matters.
Mirror Meaning, an album by Blue Malva on Spotify
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Non-aggressive, non-authentic and nirvana inspired Grunge.
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