I've never been this sane and Normal about my Blorbo before what do I do I cannot stop thinking about her
Is there anyone willing to let me kind of y'know Scream™ about her because I'm being regular I promise I'm being regular
I can barely comprehend how insane she's making me and her dynamic of loving Noel and Arthur and John but as a Friend™ and how she would absolutely hold Noel's hand the entire time they're infiltrating a cult to keep him grounded or if the King is brought up
Avera Roosevelt is making me Very Sane can you tell
Admittedly, I don't know Arthur's schedule. It wasn't until last week that I even knew he was alive. We barely even had time to catch up before he and John were running off again. I don't think I've ever appreciated a phone book as much as I do now. The thing's thicker than a brick and heavy enough to be a weapon.
Yellow's still out cold on the couch. I don't need to consult the records to know he won't show up anywhere. Still can't believe his name is Yellow.. Yorick confirmed it for me.
The phone's been ringing for a while now. I get the feeling he isn't in his office—
"Lester P.I., who is this?"
Oh. That's not Arthur, but..
"..I thought he didn't have a secretary.."
"Pardon?"
"Ah, nothin'. This is Avera Roosevelt. I was wondering if Mr. Lester was around for a chat. I'm a friend—this isn't a business call, but it's.. semi important."
Just an unconscious man in my house, on my couch. Probably not human. Probably otherworldly in nature. Nothing alarming.
"He isn't here right now, but I could leave him a message if you'd like? Unless you'd prefer him to call you back."
"That'll work fine. My number is (***) ***-****."
"Got it. Did you.. work with my dad in the past?"
God, that was a term for it.
"...Yeah. We compared notes over a rough case. Trust me when I say it's a long story."
I don't want to think about it. That night is enough to make my stomach turn in on itself. I can almost hear the creaking that echoed after everyone in that room was dead or gone.
"..Okay. Was there anything else I can-?"
"FUCKIN' HELL-!"
That crazy bastard lunged at me, sending both of us crashing to the kitchen floor! I hadn't even heard him approach. His nails—damn those were claws—scraped down my arm. My heartbeat was loud in my ears, I could barely hear Faroe shouting over the phone. I wrestled him off me, then slammed Yellow to the floor, straddling his thighs.
He was moving wildly, growling. There was blood running down my right forearm in six vicious lines. He tried to squirm away and I pressed down harder. At some point, I managed to get his arms pinned behind his back. Whatever energy he used to attack me was fading fast.
It didn't stop him from kicking my back. I didn't move a fucking inch. This little bastard was going to learn the hard way that I wasn't built like a brick wall for nothing.
"Are you done?"
"No!"
"Then you're staying on the goddamn floor!"
I kept his forearms in place with one hand, then picked up the phone with the other. Faroe was still panicking.
"Kiddo, you gotta breathe."
I could acknowledge the irony in saying this. I had yet to fully catch my breath.
"What happened?!"
"Just.."
How the fuck was I supposed to explain this?
"Someone showed up on my doorstep. I don't think he's human—"
"I AM THE KING IN FUCKING YELLOW—"
"CAN IT."
Mercifully, he shut up. I didn't usually find myself barking orders like this but new situations mean new solutions. I can feel him shaking. Whether it's from exertion or rage I can't tell.
"As I was saying, he isn't entirely human. I know your dad deals with supernatural bullshit, so I thought I'd call and see if this was anything he knew about. Maybe get some advice."
"And you said this wasn't entirely important?"
"He was still unconscious when I said that."
She didn't say anything for about a minute or two. Yellow had finally stopped squirming. It's probably about time we had an actual talk.
"How about you ask your dad to call me back when he gets the chance?"
"..Okay."
"Thanks. Have a nice evening."
I hung up the phone and stared down at Yellow. Trembling again. Uneven breathing. Sniffling—was he crying? This guy was all kinds of weird.
"Look. I wouldn't have gotten so rough with you if you didn't try to maim me. I'm gonna move off of you. Don't make me regret it."
My arm is still stinging. I'll clean it after I know Yellow won't run. Slowly, I let up. Enough time to gauge if he's gonna try turning the rest of my arm to ribbons. Even after I shifted off, he stayed where he was.
"I'm gonna lift you."
Maybe it would be best to treat him like a frightened animal. He growled at me and I hauled him up regardless. He isn't heavy despite his height. I put him on a chair and dragged another one so I could sit across from him. Yep, he's crying.
I don't think I've ever seen anyone so pissed off about expressing emotions before.
"How about an introduction. My name is Avera Roosevelt, I'm a Detective."
Nothing. Just a glare that reminded me of Arthur and John.
"You'll be staying in my house until I figure out what to do with you. Something tells me you aren't used to being a human."
Another growl. Friendly, huh.
"You can be mad all you want, but there are people out there who would've taken you barging in worse than I did."
I heard another growl. Maybe he's just hungry. I gave him a piece of bread and he looked disgusted.
"You expect me to eat this."
He speaks. It must be a Christmas miracle.
"Yeah. Look, I gotta get this cleaned up. Eat it or don't, your choice."
I left before he could argue.
...
The scratches are clean. They were deep, but not enough to need stitches. I peeked out enough to see he had eaten the bread. I'll get him a sandwich in a little while.
Look, I've had a hell of a week. Busting cults, taking on Charlie's position- those're fine. I can do that. The vivid nightmares are another but I can still handle those. When Thelma showed up, I adjusted after a while and everything was fine.
But this? I'm a little less clear on what the fuck to do. He showed up on my doorstep bare ass naked aside from a cloak. I'd gauge him to at least be an adult. Long hair, dark skin, half his face is lighter than the other half, taller than me. If it weren't for his eyes I would've assumed he was homeless and trying to crash on my porch.
Normal people don't have yellow eyes. They also don't claim they're a King. Look, he was making a racket and it was late. I knocked him out. Had to. This isn't something I can explain to the neighbors.
He's on the couch. I'll have to call up Arthur and see if he can't tell me anything about this guy. Yorick hasn't had much insight for me, for once.
This is a gift for a friend! I asked them if there was anything they wanted drawn (because they're epic) and they said Arthur or John so I said cool! They can watch a movie and then I put Noel in there and then Avera (with Yorick) showed up and I mens you can't have Arthur without Faroe and if Faroe is there I might as well put Thelma in and
This happened!
+ the drafts! In total, I think this took around the realm of two-three hours?? I don't really keep track of time when I do these things to be honest
(This post contains: like the slightest mentions of spice I swear I don't even go into detail)
I feel down in my bones that Noel is gay but also I have an active imagination and also they let me on AO3 again (glorious Joelthur fanfiction) and I think to myself "damn wouldn't it be sick and rad if Avera were included in this" and then I do some inner wrestling because she could totally dom someone or be a service top but rrrrgh I don't know how to write that properly
She's not into them romantically though. She loves Arthur but in a friendly way and also in the "we went through the same traumatizing thing and we comfort each other sometimes" kind of way. That's the same way she loves Noel. Maybe they fooled around once or twice (adrenaline/relief after Big Danger) but that's about it. She would totally get into a Lavender Marriage with him so that he can get as quirky as he wants with Arthur and John. She's just glad they're safe at that point.
I'd probably call her Panromantic/Demiromantic. Or maybe I'll look into different Aro-Ace alignments if something fits her better.
WELLLLLCOME ONE AND ALL TO THE VIBRANT ATTACK GALLERY!! WE'VE DRAWN 10 CREATURES AND NOW THEY'LL BE FEATURED HERE!! WE'LL BE DOING THIS FOR EVERY 10 ATTACKS!
(format: the name of the character and their creator will be above the drawing! Hope this helps!)
I KNOW SOME OF THESE ARTISTS HAVE SEEN THE ATTACKS ALREADY AND I APOLOGIZE FOR TAGGING YOU HERE, IT'S SO THAT PEOPLE CAN WITNESS YOUR RAD ART
Luca by KazeeCo on Team Mystery!
Aria by Semiimportant_mouse on Team Tragedy!
Zilla by emleydrawz on Team Tragedy!
Stańczyk by rosygloomart (this is their handle on Instagram and bluesky) on Team Mystery! (Featuring Balan!)
Dorothy by @yamjamdesu on Team Comedy!
Sable by @rosecocoas on Team Tragedy! (Featuring Button!)
Ada Rose by RavensWritingDesk231 on Team Mystery!
Lacertilia by @flashinghearts on Team Tragedy!
Spice by Sugar4life (art_fromouterspace on Instagram) on Team Comedy!
Richard Joy by @capesch-arts on Team Comedy! (Featuring Avera!)
These have all been a blast! I can't wait to keep putting pipebombs in people's mailboxes (sending Attacks)!!!!
