“Please just... say you love me too...”
A very angsty fic set during the reveal week, after Robron found out Rebecca was keeping the baby.
(Inspired by the prompt in the title)
(I literally wrote this at 3 am)
Aaron was angrier than he’d been in a long time. He didn’t think he still had it in him to be that angry but there he was, his husband staring back at him with pleading eyes. Aaron didn’t know whether he wanted to throw up or hit something. Or hit Robert. Rebecca was still pregnant and keeping the baby. He promised it was over. Robert promised. Not that he ever really let a promise hold him back. After all he wasn’t exactly “Mr. Reliable.”
A small part of Aaron knew he was being irrational, that Robert couldn’t have known. Knew how brilliant Robert had been while Aaron was in prison. Knew that it wasn’t fair to think the worst like everyone else in Robert’s life had done. That small part of him was tearing him up for wanting to hurt Robert more than he already hurts. But that part of him was too small and quiet to try and compete with the blind rage he felt for the man he was married to.
“Aaron, I love you so much, please-”
Aaron cut him off picking up an empty whiskey bottle from the coffee table and throwing it, watching it fly in Robert’s direction. He gasped, suddenly afraid of where the bottle was going. Robert ducked, covering his head.
Robert cowered, thinking maybe Aaron would come for him after the bottle missed him. He’d never felt this way around him before, it was entirely new and he hated it. Aaron was always the one person who he thought would never want to hurt him for his mistakes. But in the split second that the bottle was flying through the air he was back to being a teenager again. Staring up at Jack from his floor, ready to take whatever he deserved. Maybe this whole time he was just being selfish, expecting too much from someone that he knew he didn’t deserve it from. In a split second, he’d lost the only safe haven he had.
Robert’s lungs began to feel constricted and his breathing got heavy. He slowly looked up with tears in his eyes to see that Aaron was just as shocked as he was. Aaron stepped forward, slightly reaching with one hand, “Rob-”
Robert flinched and Aaron’s insides crumbled. The vulnerability of his husband made him completely forget how furious he was. A minute ago he was afraid he might hit him, now all he wanted to do was hold him.
Robert slid down the wall, his hands on his head like a child hiding from a violent parent. Aaron couldn’t help but wonder if this is what Jack saw when he used to hit him, and he hated that feeling. He hated being on that end of the equation; the one looking down on a terrified Robert. He hated the thought that Robert would ever feel scared of him the way that he was scared of Jack or the way the Aaron was scared of-
Aaron quickly made his way to Robert but stopped before getting too close, not wanting to scare him anymore than he already had. He couldn’t handle that.
“Robert,” he tried to form more words but didn’t know what to say, or how to make this okay.
Aaron got a little closer, taking it slow, making sure Robert was comfortable. Someone who was always so confident and strong now seemed so fragile and it shattered Aaron.
He touched Robert’s cheek and Robert looked him in the eyes, still breathing hard and fast. “Robert, I… I am- so sorry, are you hurt?... Did I-?” he choked, speaking quietly not wanting to yell anymore, not after the night they’d had.
Robert was hugging his knees to his chest, and all Aaron could do was wipe the tears off his face and hope to god that Robert could forgive him for what he’d just done.
“Just-” Robert sniffed, couldn’t get the air into his lungs, still on the brink of a panic attack.
“Robert breathe, c’mon.” Aaron motioned himself inhaling and exhaling slowly, tears still filling Robert’s eyes as he nodded. Everything that had built up inside him over the past few months: Rebecca coming back and mocking his new life, almost losing Aaron in the crash, all the fighting because Rebecca couldn’t take a hint, Aaron going to prison, single-handedly looking after Liv and Noah, Liv getting excluded from school and blaming him, the drugs, the cheating, the baby, almost losing Aaron again. All the weight was laid out in the glass shards on the floor, overwhelming him like bricks on his chest. Normally he could count on Aaron to take those bricks off, but he no longer felt like he could ask for that. He’d tossed that right into the bin.
Robert looked at Aaron and only now let himself know that the anger in his eyes had shifted into genuine concern. And- guilt.
Aaron rested his hand on the older man’s shoulder and Robert began to breathe with him, gently leaning into his touch, still wanting Aaron to stay with him. The man who had just lobbed a glass bottle at Robert’s head, was still the only person he wanted to be around right now.
“Please just... say you love me too…” he looked into Aaron’s eyes, pleading, “lie if you have to. I just need to hear it.”
Aaron breathed heavy and brought his hand to the side of Robert’s face, wiping away another tear with his thumb. “Robert... Of course I love you…” he bit the inside of his lip, trying not to sob, “I love you so much, I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am,” Aaron’s voice broke on the last few words.
Robert shook his head, trying to stop his tears, “I deserved it.”
“No. No, Robert, you didn’t. You didn’t deserve any of this. Neither of us did, you have to know this isn’t your fault.”
“Aaron, I cheated on y-…” he had to look away for a moment, then stealing himself back again. “I got Rebecca pregnant, I’m the reason why we’re even here in this- this- ridiculous mess... I’m so sorry. I would trade anything to go back and change everything. Aaron I’ve never regretted anything like I do that night... You’re my world, and I can barely live with myself knowing that I’ve thrown this away. I understand if you can’t forgive me, and I wouldn’t blame you. all I ever do is hurt the people I love and you deserve so much better-”
“Robert stop.” Aaron wrapped his hand around the the back of Robert’s neck. There was a small cut on Robert’s cheek from one of the glass shards. “God, you’re bleeding,” his hands had a few pieces stuck in them as well “Shit. Robert I’m so sorry.”
Robert looked at his hands.“It’s ok, I’m sorry.”
“C’mon let’s get these cleaned up.”
Robert nodded and let Aaron help him off the floor, leading him to their bathroom. Aaron found the first aid kit that Robert bought a few days ago and took out the bandages and tweezers.
“What are you gonna do, cut yourself shaving?” Aaron teased.
“It’s for emergencies Aaron, you never know when might need some neosporin and a band-aid. You’ll thank me the next time you do something reckless.” Robert threw the small kit in the basket while Aaron chuckled.
Robert sat on the closed toilet and Aaron across from him on the edge of the bathtub. He began take the glass out of his husbands hands with the tweezers, Robert studying Aaron’s movements during the whole process. When he’d gotten all of about eight small shards, Aaron began to blot the cuts with peroxide and wrapped Robert’s hands in gauze; the injuries being in too awkward of places to all be taken care of with band-aids. He did the same to the cut on robert’s face, tracing the bandage with his thumb when he was done. He smiled, guilty, and broken and Robert saw it.
“Hey,” he brought one of his bandaged hands up to Aaron’s cheek, “it’s ok, Aaron. I’m fine.”
“Rob. That look on your face when. When the bottle… I’m so sorry. I hated seeing you like that.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you, I was just… shocked. That’s all. It was no more than I deserved.”
“Will you stop saying that? I don’t care what you did Robert. Yes, you made a huge mistake, but you will never deserve that from anyone. Especially from me, and if I wasn’t such a flippin’ idiot.”
“Hey. Leave the name calling to me.”
Aaron chuckled but there was something sad and dark lying underneath it.
“I love you so much Rob, you know that right?”
Robert nodded, and smiled small at the ground like he was trying to convince himself that it was true.
They sat for a minute, Aaron studying Robert, wondering how they’d gotten to this place, and how he ever let his anger touch this part of his life. That’s something his dad would’ve applauded, and it made him want to hurl. Robert was holding Aaron’s hand, playing with his ring.
Aaron focused on the bandages on Robert’s hands. The single one on his cheek, below his eye. He didn’t want to think about what would’ve happened if the bottle had... He didn’t want to think about Robert’s unconscious face if it had knocked him out or worse.
He didn’t want to think about any similarity that might exist between them and their fathers, because they were not them. They could be more than them.
“I love you too,” Robert finally replied, and Aaron smiled small, looking him in the eyes.
Aaron tilted his head towards their bedroom and led Robert in that direction holding his hand (gently).
They quietly undressed each other and slipped into soft sheets, pressing against one another. Nothing happened; not tonight.
For now they just needed to hold each other.
