#bad rpgs

[titleknown]

For this spooky month, here’s a game about witches that’s the wrong kind of creepy, because lord knows it’s always fun to read dressing-downs of bad tabletop RPGs, and this one is both seasonally relevant, but also baaaaaaad...

[swanmay-that-got-away]

To this day, the worst GM I ever had was a guy who wanted to run The Sprawl. Didn't understand pbta, didn't understand the sprawl specifically, didn't understand the genre of cyberpunk, couldn't describe basic scenes. All he knew was that he liked cyberpunk wallpapers and edgy anime. This manifested in possibly the most boring and frustrating way possible: "No, you can't do that." and "It doesn't work." x 100. In a PBTA game. I think if nothing else, I owe this man for calcifying in my brain that demanding the players mindreader their way through your railroady plot is the most unfun thing you can do as a GM. I think I'd have actually preferred it if he just verbatim ripped off Ghost in the Shell because at least then I would have a sense of what I could do!

[vampireadamooc]

Lemme tell you guys a true story.... Why HP6 always makes me smile

MSN Groups was just full of fail-games. Some of the worst games I've ever played in come from those years, and I table-topped in middle school. When none of us knew what the fuck we were doing.

This is the story of one of those games and I thought of it today when the stack of books in my closet fell over and Order of the Phoenix landed on top of the pile.

Back when MSN Groups was the "default" place to go to for online role playing and about a third of the groups were dedicated to Harry Potter rpgs I rolled up a First Year Hogwarts student named Nick Andros. 

Not only did I use the (then) official stat sheet from the WB Harry Potter Forums (remember that thing? it existed for like 2 years and the only way you get to it was buy a HP Year 1 DVD and put it in your computer)  I wrote up an entire back story for Nick.

Hand written 5 pages, typed 2.5 pages, family history and everything. He came from a family of USA witches and wizards who specialized in making wands out of the American trees and critters but the magic skipped a couple generations. When it came back his family had emigrated to England after WW2. Nick was using his Great-Grandfather's wand, since they had so little left except 'Grandpa's trunk up in the attic', but there was also something else about Nick... Nick was deaf and mute. 

Yes, I blatantly ripped off the character from Steven Kings The Stand.

I was able to play Nick for about two weeks before the mods realized that Nick never shouted spells, used his wand to write in the air, had amazing handwriting with quills and they finally bothered to read the character profile.

Oh did the shit hit the fan.

He can't be in Hogwarts if he can't speak. You HAVE to be able to say the spells. They put up a poll and everything if Nick should be allowed to stay. I tried to argue that hey, it's fucking magic and if you bothered to read the posts I go into all kinds of detail of how he's concentrating, it's hard for him, he's actually studying the books. Nope, can't do it. If he can't speak the words he can't be in Hogwarts. Either rewrite him or leave. I left. The group didn't last much longer. It ended up dying after a couple more months. 

And then, about three years later, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was published.

Snape: "What is the advantage of a nonverbal spell?" Hermione: "Your adversary has no warning about what kind of magic you are about to perform, which gives you a split-second advantage."

So... not only was Nick doing Sixth Year level magic as a First Year student, he had an unfair advantage.

I hope each and every one of those dick mods and each and every one who voted Nick out of the game thought of Nick when they read that and every time they see the cover art.

[forumroleplayer-blog]

There are bad RPGs out there, of course. There are some bad RPG warning signs, though. Be aware of them and be wary of these forum roleplaying games.

[the-rageaholic]

Hi , I was wondering what is your opinion on Dark Souls , like in general? Also, have you ever heard of the author Gene Wolfe? He wrote a series of books titled "The Book of the New Sun" I suggest it. Thanks for replying to me last time and thanks for setting up the STEAM group , I look forward to playing some games with you in the near future.

Putting aside the fact that I detest any and all manner of games that are 'hard for the sake of being hard' (If you thought Guitar Hero/Rock Band were vapid trends, believe me, this ZOMGHARD trend will seem equally retarded ten years hence) I patently abhor pseudo-RPGs with bad stories.

 I'd call the story 'forgettable', but that implies that there was anything of substance to remember in the first place. Which makes the fact that the game now has a bona fide wiki all the more absurd. What in the upright fuck... could you even write a wiki entry about?! There's nothing there! Actually, with how the audience infers entire lines of plot from one, completely generic, throwaway line of dialogue espoused by a completely one-note NPC, I often find what people extrapolate from these games' horrific narrative to be far more enthralling, but it is essentially fan fiction, having little to no basis in the chicken-wire framework of the actual story.

It's a dungeon crawler. I don't particularly care for dungeon crawlers, irrespective of whatever 'LOOK AT ME, I'm INNOVATIVE' (if you consider the same game-raiding mechanic featured in any PK MMO realm in existence to be 'innovative', that is) mechanic happens to be hamfisted into it.

I lay the success of Demon's / Dark Souls at the feet of the fact that games, right now, are obnoxiously easy. As such, Demon's Souls is the new darling for an emerging counter-culture, increasingly wearied of hand-holding, casualization and insultingly easy difficulty.

Release Demon's Souls in 2003... and it's greeted with a chorus of disinterested yawns. Because, at its core, it's unexceptional, and a product of its time. It's only been out for two years, and to me, already seems dated.

Rant concluded.

Godspeed,

-RazörFist