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Lokean Tarot

A single card spread inspired by my best friend @warrior-healer-student and the way they and Loki talk to/interact with one another

1) Pose your question/make your statement. Focus on what you want answered while holding/shuffling the cards

2) Draw a card or let the card(s) drop from the deck at Loki's discretion

2b) Pick up the card if applicable, holding it close to your face while

3) Inspect the card

IMPORTANT STEP COMING UP

4) Slam card face up onto reading surface and yell at Loki (mostly jokingly)

5) Place card back into deck. Do not read or interpret card beyond initial impression

#tarot #witchcraft #lokean #this is a joke obviously #although equally as obviously do what works for you #i also do this on occasion and usually Loki just fuckin laughs at me being mad #joke tarot #bad tarot #loki*#norse pagan witch #heathen #tarot spread #daily tarot #tarot reading #free tarot

BAD TAROT TIME

this card represents having the self confidence to be your authentic self, and not listen to the haters who're trying to bring you down with bullshit like "you look like you're wearing one of those magic eye posters" or "maybe don't walk off that cliff." go get it girl.

sir this is a family website

ok so questions like "where's your other leg" and "is your horse ok" aside, we've got some themes here! everybody is gripping staffs. nice long firm rods. and some very extravagant dressers. don't let anyone tell you not to wear lizards after labor day.

so what does that suggest for your future? that's right: BATON TWIRLING CONTEST. have a good time!

#tarot #tarot reading #bad tarot

I just had my first terrible Pagan/Tarot experience

So far, I’ve only met a handful of people IRL who are Pagan, identify as witches, or read Tarot. All of them have been various flavors of good people.

Then there’s this asshole.

I met my good friend’s new boyfriend last weekend, and let me tell you: Major Terrible Vibes. For ease of reading: my friend is S and her boyfriend is A.

First of all, A stares at people. He STARES and does not blink. It’s totally a power play, dominance thing. There’s naturally having eye contact with people, and then there’s forced eye contact. I grit my fucking teeth behind a smile and stared back at him. He didn’t like that.

So, I didn’t know anything about him before, really; S lives a 4 hour drive away and we rarely see each other, but I was going to put in a one night only appearance on my way (with my partner) up to see my parents. One of the few things I knew was that he read Tarot cards. Since I just got into this, I asked S if he’d give me a little reading and maybe show me something.

Since I rarely get up that way, our mutual friend M hosted my partner and I overnight, and we had a small party. S got there early, but A didn’t come by until later in the evening. When he did, he immediately pulled me aside, got me to get my deck out, and gave me a speech about Tarot. It was obviously something rehearsed, and it sounded like it had been written by a 14 year old. It was also extremely aggrandizing. He uses his powers of kindness and Tarot to “heal” people, and he can “remake” them into whole, better versions of themselves. It was creepy as fuck. Remember that he’s still staring at me.

He then lays out a Celtic Cross spread about what style of Tarot reader I would be. I think that, from a less terrible guy, that would actually be a fun conceit to teach someone about Tarot. However, this spread has 11 cards the way he laid it out. (Incidentally, I’ve looked up a few different resources on Celtic Cross this week, and NONE OF THEM match his version.) He did an in-depth, 11 card read /at a party/. I was sitting with him at a fucking table for 45 minutes getting this shitty reading.

The reading was essentially How To Manipulate People Into Liking You 101.

He maintained eye contact (too much)

He fished around to try to get me to respond to him. About 2 minutes in I clammed up; I was smiling and nodding when he paused, but I didn’t say another fucking word to him for the remaining 43 minutes. He kept twisting things around, trying to find out what I wanted to hear.

I have incredible Tarot powers, you guys. I’m going to be such a powerful reader just like he is. Just. Like. He. Is.

Everything in the reading related back to himself. Plus, he kept looking at cards and going like “Oooooh, isn’t THIS interesting?” and generally being a snot.

When he was finally done, he asked me to do a reading that he could help me through, just to get the hang of it. Then he asked me to do the same spread for his relationship with S. Right. In. Front. Of. Her.

And I thought that was super not okay, and manipulative. But then I thought: what the hell. I’m the reader, and he’s said I’m going to have great power. Let’s fucking see this.

So I did the spread. I don’t remember all the cards, but he was represented by The Devil. His future was The Moon. And the ultimate end of their relationship was The Sun.

It really, really wasn’t hard to string together a reading from those cards. He’s a liar, and in the end he will be exposed to the sun of truth and enlightenment: the Sun at noon, where there’s no mercy and no where to hide.

He made a big deal, like it revealed so much about him.

Then I asked S if she wanted one.

And then? He left. He walked outside. The second it wasn’t about A, A was out of there. He literally turned his body away while I was talking to S. He couldn’t handle it.

(S’s reading was that she’s having her first love, and there’s pain coming, but she’ll be stronger on the other side. I don’t remember her cards as clearly but they were also not a stretch.)

Also? He told me that he’d been practicing Tarot for 14 years. (Which surprised me because how many 10 year olds are into Tarot seriously? Not many. But okay.)

Then he told my partner outside that 1) The reading was full of only good things for he and S (no, it wasn’t) and 2) He’d been doing Tarot for 4 years. He’s skivvy. He’s skivvy. He’s skivvy. And now I’ve had my first bad experience with Tarot and the like. Booo.

#Bad Pagan #Tarot #Witchcraft #Bad Tarot #Bad Vibes

Ohhh my god terrible incorrect dramatic use of tarot cards as a plot point. I don't think I can watch thissss

#bad tarot #worst trope #where the hell is my chinese food