My main character has always served as a way to process my emotions. They exist in my head and experience everything for me, my goods and bads. I don’t even experience things first hands, it’s always my fictional protector. In the past, I’ve had some protectors who were my parents but now they rarely interact with me, only with my other main characters. I’ve noticed that some, like Dick Grayson, were good protectors because they were constantly there and experiencing my daily life (Pt 1)
(Pt 2) While others, like the most recent Katsuki Bakugou fail to show up when I’m working, only when I’m driving to stop me from making bad decisions and when I’m in class/around campus. All of these (my anchors I call them) are triggered very strongly by physical activity, and they basically take over my body and use my limbs while I just second hand process things said to me and respond which is very difficult. Sometimes I can’t separate myself from a character at all,
(Pt 3) and I feel like I’ve become a vessel for that character to actually exist. But they never front like an alter for DID, though they do hold my trauma and take my flashbacks. I’m terrified to tell my psychiatrist because I can’t lose these characters, I’d be so horribly lonely. But I’m not sure if it’s maladaptive daydreaming anymore or if it’s borderline obsessive. I can’t function without a fictional character serving as an anchor and existing more than I do in my own brain
Please tell your psychiatrist the truth. It’s a coping mechanism but it could have lasting consequences in the future. I’m not a professional tho, so who knows.
