#arolution asks

[arolution]

Ooh, requests? Something Oddish and aro related would be dope!

i don’t forget!!! I’m just of questionable tempo hahahOddish is easily alterable into aro colors. So i did just that. SO CUTE! Loved this prompt, thanks. Hope you like it!

feel free to use (just link me heh)

[arolution]

Hey, so today my friend started asking me questions about LGBT+ stuff and mostly ace & aros, and I couldn't really get him to understand the difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction, and since he didn't see/know any studies that showed romantic attraction was a thing, he said it might be more of a cultural concept than an actual thing. I wanted to know if you had a good definition and maybe some links to studies and other ressources?

Hi! Sorry, too, for the late reply. School made me feel half dead lol.

I couldn't quite put it into words myself, but my friend did and I relate to that differentiation a lot, so here it is:

"romantic is, for me, being smitten with someone, usually your abstract image of them in your head, be that (what you see of) their personality or them in whole, just liking them a lot and idealising them a bit bc of it and often (but not always) wanting to spend time with them being emotionally/etc. intimate

sexual is, for me, a physical sensation of feeling drawn to someone when they're in a sexual context, perhaps wanting to be close to them like that or gaining sexual enjoyment (be it arousal or not) from thinking about them in a sexy context (sexy pose, sex itself, maybe just a non-sexy position that triggers that reaction for you)"

But as I mentioned in the previous ask, this might be different for everyone. It is hard to describe.

The best I can link you is this emerging aro site that I'm a big fan of, AUREA, specifically the category on their site Research.

A compilation of research done with and on aromantics as well as some academic resources on aromanticism-related experiences. This page will

They compiled a really good collection of all sorts of information on aromanticism already and they keep growing. I was scrolling through there and I found a reference to a text that is a psychology study on the difference between "romantic love and sexual desire". So something like that might be helpful to you.

But I encourage you to just poke around the site in general. There might be stuff useful to you in different categories.

I'll see if I can find anything more and edit this ask later if I do. Cheers!

[arolution]

What’s a romance favorable aro? I’m new to the terminology, I’m still trying to figure out my labels

Hey! Well, I'm gonna give you my view on it but I'm probably gonna update this answer with some additional sources once I find them.

I think romance favorable aro could be most briefly described as a person who, though aromantic, is ok or welcoming towards romantic interaction.

I will try and look for some other opinions or sources but this is how I understand it! Anyone who knows better, feel free to correct me.

[arolution]

hi! i was just curious as to what you define as romantic? personally ive always had problems understanding it as an independent concept, but as a greyasexual biromantic trans guy i feel like its necessary for me to help my aro siblings

Heya, sorry for the late reply, school has ran me over. Hmm, this one isn't as easy to answer. In general, everyone's experience may differ and mine does too and it's hard to put into words. What I understand as romantic, I suppose, is some sort of intimate and yearning type of feelings towards a person that is different from strong platonic feelings I could have for a close friend, for example. The types of feelings that could inspire your typical romantic poetry. Some sort of infatuation maybe. Basically, as I personally like to understand it, is romanticizing a person and their existence, in a way too, connected with the aspects I mentioned earlier. Oh and desire for emotional intimacy I've noticed tends to be a part of all this too, at least from my experience.

That's my personal account. For everyone else, it might be pretty different.

[arolution]

24. Best part of being aro?

Oh nice. Just one thing? :p Hahah. Probably the feeling that I’m not narrowing down and focusing on just one aspect of interpersonal relationships the most. Hm but probably actually that I can appreciate a lot of things deeply and emotionally equally, and not be swayed around my romantic feelings that other things don’t influence me as deeply. For the record, I am not saying these are the #alloroexperiences -- I just feel that if I was alloro, I would probably get swayed a lot since I am a very sensitive and ‘romantic’ person. I romanticize and feel deeply about a lot of things. And I am glad that this aspect of me can be spread out evenly on a lot of ppl/things instead. 

((A ‘romantic’ aromantic? In my software? It’s more likely than you think.))

[arolution]

@oor-bellamyspace so sorry, I was trying to respond in chunks on mobile and I accidentally deleted your ask eheh

“1, 2, 6?”

1) Where are you on the aro-spectrum?

So I’m a plain ol’ aro, at least that’s what I consider myself to be. Platonic feelings are very strong for me, platonic relationships hella important and also very strong for me. For example, I’ve had very close friendships in the past that ended unfortunately. Because how inseparable we used to be, ppl usually liked to assume we were actually romantically involved, but we never were, nor did I have any romantic feelings myself. I’m big on platonic connection to a degree a lot of ppl struggle to comprehend. That’s mostly why I feel such connection to the aro label. Sometimes, I nowadays experience rare and quick hints of romantic attraction, so sometimes if -- I were to specify -- I’d say I am maybe grey/demi-romantic, but to me that’s more like a technicality, because I don’t consider these feelings important plus I don’t really experience or understand these feelings the way all of the alloros I know.

2) When did you first realise you were aro-spec?

Partially hinted at it in the previous answer -- it came to me mostly when I hit puberty, and everyone started to be interested in dating or seemed to be catching feelings and I haven’t. Back then I obviously didn’t know about the label. I remember vividly that I was just happy having my closest friend at the time hanging out, and that was about it. Whenever anyone expressed interest in me, I only got uncomfortable and weirded out. Eventually, as I grew up, all of my friends became interested in this stuff, and it hit me that it is probably peculiar that I am a young adult who never dated and never felt the need to, etc. At that point, when I realized this, I started being aware that I am standing out with how I’m feeling and with my view on life and relationships. And with what felt like everyone around me beginning to prioritize romantic relationships above friendships more and more, I started to feel really alienated from ppl and started reaching into the queer community. I only knew about a limited amount of labels back then, so I started to call myself asexual. It was only when I dived in deeper that I found the aro label and community and I immediately clicked with most of the experiences. It felt very cathartic that there are ppl who seemed to have very similar feelings about friendships and romance growing up and similar struggles as adults. So technically, at this point I first realized I was specifically aro-spec. 

6) How do you feel about general intimacy? (Kissing, cuddling, etc.)

Hmm, I am a fairly affectionate person, so I can enjoy a fair deal of platonic intimacy, like cuddling, hand holding and stuff. (I even feel that a lot of these casual expressions of affection are too romanticized lately, and that friendly touches of affection are really important, and I would like if less ppl associated a lot of them with strictly romantic subtext.) Stuff like kissing though tends to vibe rather sexual to me personally, as an aroallo, so I would not mind it either but it would hold the sexual subtext for me. 

[arolution]

5, 23 and 17 for the Aro asks :)

damn, all great questions actually! have strong feelings on all of these!!

5) Are you romance-positive, romance-repulsed, or indifferent?

Oh boy, romance-repulsed. Romantic stuff used to be a super strong trigger for me. I am really working on myself to get rid of it and it’s getting better slowly. Cause, see, I do have some small capacity to feel romantic-y feelings (mostly vicariously) but it is super minute. That means that if I am faced with romantic relationships around me, someone feels that way about me or mostly when I see it portrayed in the media, it makes me feel eeeeempty, real fast. I have a big capacity for platonic feelings though. So I can tolerate and sometimes even enjoy when I see something rather friendship-like with some romantic overlap, but pure romance? Big depression trigger. I am working on not empathizing with the romantic situations and just observing them neutrally, not thinking about them too much... But it is still hard. 

17) How do you feel about sex/love songs?

This ties well to the previous question, too. Love songs specifically is something I always heard as just platonic love songs or very metaphorical songs. The very obvious pure romance ones I just totally ignored, because I didn’t understand it at all. Once I realized that a lot of what I considered to be these platonic love songs are generally romance love songs, it became my first big obvious romance repulsion (depression) trigger. Back then, it made me think that all I feel as strong platonic connection with people won’t ever be reciprocated to that extent and instead -- if it will be intense -- it will only translate into romantic feelings, which not only I did not have the capacity to feel but which also triggered my depressive episodes. ...so I’m not a fan of them, no, hahah. On the other hand though, as I said, I am working on it, so they are becoming less triggering, or I just decided I am gonna interpret them as I please and as it resonates with me. Sex songs, if I can divide them from the romance subtext enough or if it’s missing, I don’t mind (as an aroallo). Some, I actually enjoy.

23) What would you rather do/have instead of romance?

Now THAT is a great question. Since I never had it and never felt I needed it, I always had/did plenty of things instead of it. I never considered I should do romance stuff, never much occured to me because it felt empty and useless to me cause I’d have to fake it without actually feeling it. So, mostly what I would rather do is to hang out with friends and create something together, play games, drive around, talk about things over tea, dick around. Other than that, I’d rather talk to people online, share knowledge, discover new things, learn new things, do art, create. That’s the gist of it. I do genuinely enjoy connecting with people but rather on a mental and understanding level. That sums it up the best for me. I could go on for longer, but that would be just going into more detail. Generally, this is it.